Hey Everybody! It's Tuesday here on KatiMorton.com and that means I'm on Tumbler. And many of you have asked questions... there are a lot of questions ...
And today I'm kind of in a hurry because I'm going back to the office, so I'm here and I'm video'ing, and then I'm gonna head back ...
So I will try to get to some more of your questions when I get back, but I have 4 today as well as a journal topic. So hopefully these will help to answer some of the questions that I couldn't get to.
And thank you all for asking all your questions, I couldn't do it without you. And know that by asking you're helping others because for every one of you who has that question and actually asks it...
There are hundreds who haven't asked it. Okay?
So Question #1 - Hey Kati, can you fully recover from self harming? I haven't self harmed in about 4 months, but sometimes I'm thinking that if I ever stop therapy I might slip back, and it terrifies me.
Yes you can; it is a process and you will find for - I don't know - a year or two, maybe more - everybody's differing right? But, you'll find that when things get really stressful
or when something happens that may trigger, like an abuse flashback or something, that the urge to self harm will come back.
Just like our eating disorder, our depression, our anxiety... when we get really stressed out or our anxiety gets really high or we have a trigger that we don't
come in contact with that often, that urge will come back.
But the thing that's different, and will change as we recover more
is that we will feel more like we can watch the urge float by like it's on a cloud... it floats by, we don't have to act on it.
The urge isn't so strong that we feel like we have to do it; it's like it comes back and we notice it... if that makes sense.
And there'll come a point in your life where that never happens anymore.
But sometimes you can get those thoughts back, and it doesn't mean that you're not recovered and that doesn't mean that it's always going to be there
it's just a process and it takes time, and I promise you the more that we work at this, and the longer we fight those urges
and the harder we work, that the more quickly it will go away. Okay?
And if any of you have experience with this that you'd like to share , as always, leave your comments below. Let's help one another, right?
Okay, Question #2 - Is it normal for abusers to not admit the abuse? My parents were abusing me for years, but they're refusing any of it to my therapist, and
they don't want to get involved in my recovery. It makes me feel like I'm crazy and a liar.
It's very common. Oftentimes, especially if they are people who are close to you and in your life - like parents or siblings - they have either #1 blocked it out themselves
because it was a really horrible, stressful thing that they did and they just can't even ... they don't know why they did it and their guilt is so palpable that they have blocked it.
Or #2 They refuse to take any ownership over it because they don't want to admit that they've done wrong.
They don't want all the repercussions that come along with it. They're usually embarrassed and shame-filled, as they should be, right?
It's very common, and they'll often-times try to road block us from getting help and stop us from recovery, and they'll try to get in the way of everything
because by us getting help, that means that they're going to have to admit to wrong-doing - and someone else is going to hear that they're not perfect parents
and that they actually did things that were really harmful.
So, know that it's not you - you're not alone - often abusers pretend that this never happened. Because it's easier to live there, if you think about it
To live in that "this never happened, I don't know what they're talking about" kind of space.
But what that does, is it can damage us more. What I'm encouraging you to do, is not let it, and fight back against their voices.
You don't have to yell at them, you don't have to fight with them, but know in your heart what happened. And maybe have a mantra you tell yourself when they say
things like that, like "yeah, say whatever you want to say, you can pretend like it didn't exist, but I know it did", or whatever you need to say
because they'll do this as a way to protect themselves. But you know what? We have to protect ourselves because they're actually the problem. Okay?
Question #3 - Can you study psychology/become a therapist when you have a mental illness? Or do you have to be recovered?
You can definitely study anything you want in school. You can do whatever. That's the great thing about school ... you can do a lot of self-exploration
you can try different classes and do different things.
But becoming a therapist or becoming a mental health professional does require you to be recovered.
Not all walks of that will require it, like when I worked in the hospitals with schizophrenics/bipolar - people who were long term care, they didn't ask anything about that.
However, in the eating disorder clinic they DEFINITELY do. They ask about your history, if you've had an eating disorder, if you did how long have you been recovered,
what kind of treatment did you get... they'll ask all sorts of questions. And I know that the places that I worked at required that you be recovered for numerous years
and everybody's different so I would definitely look into getting yourself help, because the truth of it is that we have to help ourselves
before we can even consider helping other people.
And I've always been a believer in that there are two types of therapists.
There are therapists who get into therapy to get therapy for themselves. They get into the realm to learn more about themselves.
Which is actually not that good for our patients.
And then there's people who get into therapy to be a therapist, and help other people.
And the difference between the two is the ones who are becoming therapists
to help others have already worked on their 'stuff'.
We work on it, it's a constant battle. I go to therapy myself, I'm always trying to better myself, better understand my situation
and where I'm coming from, how I've navigated my life thus far, etc.
So, make sure that you're taking care of yourself so that when you get into this practice
you're actually there to just help other people. Okay? Does that make sense?
If you have other questions about that, you can let me know, because I get this question a lot.
Question #4 - Is it necessary to tell my teachers and boss about my disorders?
I hate getting any type of sympathy, but sometimes they get really concerned and I just want to tell them "I'm already getting help, so chill out!"
[Sorry I'm getting really warm - we're having a heatwave here in California]
It's not necessary for you to tell them. Who we tell is at our discretion, so if you feel like telling your teachers and your boss
is going to help you in the long run and help you in your recovery process then by all means tell them
But, as far as they're concerned, it's none of their business. And they can't even ask. It's actually against the law - in California at least - for your boss to ask anything like that
because that's your personal life. So, if you feel that it would help, and you want to tell them
you can tell them. But, if you feel like it's just them being nosey and trying to get in your business, then don't tell them.
I would take some time and think about it, think about who - if one of them you feel one way and the other you feel the other way -
then maybe just tell one. Or whatever. But make sure it's all around you and your recovery and what's best for your process.
Because it's up to us and our discretion who we tell - not everybody has to know. Okay?
Now, the Journal Topic today... and this is because
I've signed up four some things with one of my girlfriends... we're going to donate some of our time in San Francisco soon, and it made me think about giving back
and also I got some amazing gifts
I have them right over here...
I got some wonderful cards, and then I got this cool (and really hilarious and adorable) horse...
I mean, look at all this stuff. And look at all the time it took to write all these little....I love all this stuff you guys
There's so much stuff... I posted all the pictures on Instagram. So if you want to see more of my goodies check out my Instagram katimorton1
But, things like that - doing things for others and letting people know how important they are to us - I am a big fan of sending my girlfriends and people in my life
cards, just randomly, just because. Everybody knows how wonderful it is to receive mail, right? I love receiving mail.
So, what have you done lately to help reach out and spread the love or share - even working at a soup kitchen - those are the things that I've signed up
for in San Francisco. We're going to help build houses and work at a soup kitchen, and just ways you can give back.
Because I find when I do that, I get so much more out of it myself.
And these can even be small things like when we're around in our daily life, letting someone go in front of us or being kind
and "paying it forward" in a way I guess.
So, what's something you can do this week, where you feel like you're paying it forward or you're giving back?
And then I want you to journal about how it felt to do it and what you got out of it, because sometimes if we're feeling down
this can really help pull us out. And I think it will really help. It's something I really love to do, and I know that I have to make a point of
signing up for stuff so that I'll do it - because we get so busy, right?
So let's make some time this week to do something for others and notice how you feel afterwards. Okay?
I love you all, tomorrow's Wednesday, and I'll be on YouTube as well as my website so you can go under "Community", "Forums", "Q&A for Videos"
Oh! And before I forget! If any of you have been like "hey I've been clicking on the Self-Harm Workbook and I keep downloading the Eating Disorder Workbook",
that's because the Self-Harm Work book isn't out yet
because I'm fighting with the website, like I said.
So know that when it does come out, I will let you know, I will tweet it, I will do whatever
don't feel like you're going to miss out. Okay?
See you tomorrow! Bye!
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