• What seaweed extract cures your cat’s autism?
How do you get revenge on your ex-wife with a thermostat?
We count ten of the most bizarre Amazon product reviews
10 – Penguin Mask, • This one father decided it would be a
great idea to bring home a super realistic latex penguin mask from Amazon for his kids.
• He obviously got a lot of value out of it because he went on to write this review:
‘I wear this mask to sing lullabies to my children…
They are terrified of it.
Whenever they protest about their bedtime, or ask for too many sweets, I whip on the
mask and they soon learn who the King Penguin is…’
9 – Waterproof Kindle Case, • One Amazon shopper left an angry review
for the waterproof Kindle case he bought.
His reasons were interesting.
• The review said: ‘Got this for the mother-in-law for bath time.
Hoped it’d be crap and her kindle would slip out and electrocute her.
So far, this bloody thing is staying in one piece.
So, yeah, great for waterproof kindling, crap for murder.’
• Luckily a commenter left this helpful suggestion: ‘Sorry to hear about your disappointment
... Maybe you could try buying her a waterproof toaster.’
8 – Where Is Baby’s Belly Button?
• It’s difficult to critique a kid’s book.
One person from Amazon felt very strongly about this book titled “Where is Baby’s
Belly Button” though.
He wrote: • ‘DO NOT buy this book!
The entire plot revolves around finding baby’s belly button.
However, there is no mystery, no twist!
Baby’s belly button is right where it’s supposed to be – on baby’s stomach!
It clearly shows you this ON THE COVER OF THE BOOK!
It’s a complete mess!
There is no conflict, no character development, and the plot falls apart the second you realise
that the belly button was in plain sight all along!
This is undoubtedly one of the worst pieces of literature I have ever read!’
7 – Banana Slicer, • According to a reviewer, this 571B Banana
Slicer will stop couples from having those all-too-common arguments about who has to
slice the bananas.
• ‘What can I say about the 571B Banana Slicer that hasn’t already been said about
the wheel, penicillin, or the iPhone....
This is one of the greatest inventions of all time.
My husband and I would argue constantly over who had to cut the day’s banana slices!
You know, the old “I spent the entire day rearing OUR children, maybe YOU can pitch
in a little and cut these GOD DAMN bananas?”
And he’d come back with: “You think I have the energy to slave over your damn bananas!?
I worked a twelve-hour shift just to come home to THIS?!”
The children could sense the tension and it almost destroyed our entire relationship.
When I heard our six-year-old daughter re-enacting our daily banana fight with her Barbie dolls,
I knew we had to make a change.
That’s when I found the 571B Banana Slicer.
Our marriage has never been healthier, and we’ve even incorporated it into our lovemaking!
THANKS 571B BANANA SLICER!’
6 – Autoexe Wheelmate, • Tired of having to keep two eyes on the
road when you tear down the highway?
Check out the Autoexe Wheelmate, an attachable surface tray that lets you multitask while
driving.
• ‘My husband always warns me not to update my Facebook page while I’m driving.
“You’ll hit another pedestrian,” he says.
“This isn’t the Enterprise!
There’s no deflector array!”
• ‘Then along comes this miracle product!
Now I can happily fly at warp speed down the streets of L.A., with my laptop perched in
front of me!
It’s so much easier to ignore the frightened screams and annoying honks when you’ve got
Facebook to look at while driving!
Thank you, Wheelmate!’
5 – Pure Brown Seaweed Extract, • ‘Pure Brown Seaweed Extract’ has a
whole heap of benefits.
It boosts your energy, helps with weight loss… and, according to this Amazon reviewer, it
can cure your pets of neurological disorders.
• ‘Amazing!’
the reviewer wrote.
‘I give this to my cat and it cure him of the autism.
Also, I eat this product with meal three times a day – now no more house ghosts!’
4 – Go Green, Baby!
• This Amazon customer is very enthusiastic in their review of a Green Power Ranger jumpsuit.
• “Son, this costume right here is baller level.
Like you’re not even prepared for the level of baller you will be elevated to when you
put on this costume.
You’re gonna want start fighting monsters and playing flutes to summon Zords, while
looking fly as fuck!
The only complaint I have is it didn’t come with Tommy’s pimp-status ponytail.
But no worries: a real playa will just sprout that bad boy.
Honestly, that ponytail might even be too much, because an amateur playa might not be
able to handle the amount of pink rangers that will flock to their fine-looking self
in this costume.”
• “If you’re looking for a Power Ranger costume and don’t want to be on that basic
red or blue bs, then go green, baby.
Go green…”
3 – Male Chastity Device, • It sucks when your son can go off and
have sex with whoever he wants.
This one mom discovered an amazing chastity device and left the glowing review:
• ‘My son is going to be starting puberty in the next year or so.
His father left me so I bought one of these to wear when he is not being supervised.
I know it is a great product because he absolutely hates it.
I don’t enjoy seeing him unhappy, but I enjoy the peace of mind knowing that he isn’t
messing around at school or sinning at night.
Most of all I’m glad he is remaining pure for the Lord.
He is counting the days until he is old enough to take it off.
What a great product!’
2 – Thermostat Revenge, • This Amazon reviewer used his Honeywell
remote access thermostat to exact revenge on his cheating ex-wife:
• His review title says it all: ‘She took the house, the dog and the 401K – But I
still control the thermostat!
I’ve been messing with the temperature while the new lovebirds are sleeping,’ he wrote.
‘Doesn’t everyone want to wake up at 7 AM to a four-degree household?’
1 – Upgrade to Windows 95, • These days technology changes so fast.
But one bold Amazon customer has dared to ask the question: ‘What if we’re upgrading
too fast?
What if we already have the perfect computer operating system?’
• He’s chosen to screw Windows 10 in favour of the classic Windows 95.
‘You won’t believe it, but there’s a start menu that makes launching programs much
easier!’ he writes.
‘You get all the default programs you need, like calculator, paint and the always-useful
notepad!
Windows 95 also has great games that stand the test of time, like Minesweeper.
• ‘Windows 95 uses significantly less resources like hard disk space, and has great
features like ‘disk defrag’ and ‘scan disk’.
Overall, Windows 95 is a great OS and I highly recommend the upgrade.’
If you’re interested in ‘upgrading’, you better hurry – Amazon only has one copy
in stock!