We are nearing the end of 2019, which means we should take a look back into the cosmos
at all the terrible movies that hit our big screens this year.
We covered the worst of the worst in part one, from Gemini Man, to Dark Phoenix, to
of course, The Fanatic, aka the worst movie I have ever seen in my whole life, and that’s
saying something.
That being said, we’re going to be counting down our list of the Top 10 Worst Movies Of
2019 (So Far) - Part 2.
Let’s jump in.
10 Men in Black: International Directed by F. Gary Gray, Men in Black: International
tells the story of, of course, The Men in Black, an organization who have always protected
the Earth from the scum of the universe.
In the new adventure, they tackle their biggest threat to date: a mole in the Men in Black
organization.
Now, I should preface this point by saying that folks were already unhappy with Will
Smith and Tommy Lee Jones not reprising their leading roles, and instead Chris Hemsowrth
and my favorite Tessa Thompson took over.
Sadly, Tessa couldn’t save this movie.
With many critics referring to the movie as Meh in Black, the movie is intensely tiresome
and seems more pointless than anything.
The movie feels insincere and unfortunately for Tessa Thompson, she seems to have the
life squeezed out of her by the terrible script and directing.
The movie trudges through with you expecting it to get better, sadly that is not the case
and the film lacks any real spark or shine.
9 Holmes and Watson Directed by Etan Cohen, Holmes and Watson
is a humorous take on Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s classic mystery featuring Sherlock Holmes
and Doctor Watson.
The movie stars comedy giants such as Will Ferrell, John C Reilly, and Ralph Fiennes.
However, this movie is absolutely abysmal, with these actors hitting career lows.
The iconic Holmes and Watson are depicted as needy, middle-aged manchildren, in the
similar vein of Step Brothers, however, this is not stepbrothers.
They may be confused.
The accents are of course atrocious, and the jokes even worse, with the movie feeling like
a bad improv show that you just can’t seem to leave.
If you value your time and money, do not watch this abhorrent piece of trash, which can’t
even do gross-out humour correctly, and that’s saying something.
8 The Queen’s Corgi I thought this movie was a joke when I first
read about it, sadly, I was mistaken, instead someone actually funded this movie and I’m
shook.
Directed by Vincent Kesteloot and Ben Stassen, The Queen’s Corgi follows, of course, The
British Monarch’s favorite dog, who gets lost from the palace and finds himself at
a dog fight club.
He then begins his long journey to find his way back home to the palace.
Again, sounds like a joke, right?
A fight club, for dogs.
Yeah, I’m still not over it.
Not only does it include a fight club, but also a pole dancing saluki and a dog that
very clearly represents Donald Trump.
Now, I appreciate animated movies that are very clearly trying to compete with the likes
of Disney and Dreamworks, yet, it did not pay off, and this is why the top dogs remain
on top.
7 Unicorn Store I hate to do this, I really do, because as
most of you will know, or should know, I love Brie Larson, she is a Queen and we are not
worthy.
However, she should not be a director, and I say that in the nicest way possible.
Directed, again, by Brie Larson, the movie follows Kit, a twenty-something dreamer, who
receives an invitation that would fulfill her childhood dreams.
Starring Brie Larson, Samual L Jackson, and Joan Cusack, this is yet another movie all
about nepotism, considering that Brie and Samuel are friends, you can see why he was
forced, I mean, willingly made this movie.
The movie is just straight up boring, and bland, if a movie had a colour this would
be beige, Now, the acting is good, I can say that, but the script is poor and the directing
mediocre.
Sorry, Brie.
6 Wonder Park Directed by Dylan Brown, who is uncredited,
wonder why?
Wonder Park tells the story of an amusement park where the imagination of a wildly creative
girl named June comes alive.
With voice actors such as Jennifer Garner, Kenan Thompson, Mila Kunis, Ken Jeong, and
John Oliver, you would expect the movie to be at least somewhat enjoyable, right?
Wrong.
Not even the A-list cast could save this movie, instead it is just another poorly-made family-oriented
movie of 2019.
And, ironically, what makes this movie comical is the simple fact that it explores the ideas
of imagination and innovation, yet the movie lacks all of those things.
Sad times.
Sucks to be Wonder Park.
5 What Men Want Directed by Adam Shankman, aka the man behind
A Walk to Remember, Cheaper by the Dozen 2, Hairspray, and of course, the Miley Cyrus
video “When I Look At You”.
Classic.
What Men Want tells the story of a woman boxed out by the mail sports agents in her profession,
but gains an unexpected edge over them when she develops the ability to hear their thoughts.
Now, this is of course the retelling of the Mel Gibson movie What Women Want, which is
the exact some storyline just with the reversal of genders.
Now, the only takeaway from this movie is that Taraji P Jenson is a goddamn Queen and
an incredible actress, sadly though, she could not save this movie, which at times is homophobic,
with some of the big laughs coming when Taraji’s character overhears that men are gay or doing
some kind of gender non-conforming thing.
Yeah, that’s a big no-no.
Overall, it is merely a broad, shallow mainstream comedy, that at times is wildly offensive.
4 BrightBurn Directed by David Yarovesky, Brightburn poses
the question: what if a child from another world crash-landed on Earth, but instead of
becoming a hero to mankind, he proved to be something far more sinister?
Now, the concept itself was incredibly unique, and was, in essence, “What if Superman was
evil?”.
Fascinating, right?
Well, sadly it didn’t pay off, with the execution lacking all suspense and surprise.
Not only just, but it seemed like a cop-out, considering the writers of the movie were
the cousin and brother of producer James Gunn.
Nepotism at its finest.
To make matters worse, the end of the movie suggests there may be a sequel coming, but
I think it’s safe to say we all collectively have our fingers crossed that that won’t
be happening.
I would literally rather The Happening to happen again, and that’s saying something.
3 The Silence It hurts my soul that Stanley Tucci was in
this movie because he is genuinely a very good actor, save for a few poor film choices.
This being one of them.
The Silence, directed by John R. Leonetti, centers on the world under attack by terrifying
creatures who hunt their prey by sound, forcing Ally, a deaf teenage girl, and the rest of
her family to seek refuge in a remote haven.
Are you thinking what I’m thinking?
Dollar store The Quiet?
The Silence is by far the worst horror movie of the year, if not the decade, and that’s
surprising considering it’s cast: Stanley Tucci, Kiernan Shipka, and Mirana Otto.
Not only is it not scary, it also had absolutely no suspense and no character development.
It is a waste of time and money.
Do not watch this movie.
2 Poms Yet another movie on our list that I was confident
was a joke, but was sadly mistaken when I realized someone paid for this movie.
Sucks to be them.
Directed by Zara Hayes, the movie stars Diane Keaton, Jacki Weaver, and that’s about it,
and follows a group of women who form a cheerleading squad at their retirement home in order to
prove that you’re never too old to bring it.
Yeah, I feel sick just saying that.
As you would expect, considering this is our number two point, the writing was atrocious
with stale jokes, and an uncomfortable blend of silliness and sickness.
It stars a few A-list actors, yes, but it fails them tragically by making them humiliate
themselves by performing cringy cheer routines.
Not just that, but the women are then forced to perform at a High School pep rally.
It’s quite honestly a joke, and more painful to watch than it is enjoyable.
Don’t ever subject your loved one’s to this movie, You have been warned.
1 The Dirt Directed by Jeff Tremaine, and starring Douglas
Booth and Machine Gun Kelly, The Dirt is based on the bestselling autobiography from Motley
Crue, with the film being an unflinching tale of success and excess as four misfits rise
from the streets of Hollywood to the heights of international fame.
Sadly, this film, like the rest of the numbers on our list, missed the mark.
It is, to put it bluntly, vile and pure garbage.
It seemed to be hoping to play off the success of films like Bohemian Rhapsody, but sadly
this movie just felt misplaced, with casting choices that made zero sense.
Not only that, but it was cheap with poorly written dialogue, making it feel like an old
man trying to be hip with the youths.
It of course favors the scenes of sex and drugs, and surprsingly has very little concert
scenes for a movie about a band.
Honestly, don’t watch this movie, it’s not worth wasting one hour and forty seven
minutes of your time.
Well, there we have it!
Do you guys agree with our list?
Were there any terrible movies of 2019 that we missed?
Leave us all your thoughts and feelings in the comments down below.
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And until next time, see ya later.