-I have a question for you. Can I ask you?
-Yeah, please. -Okay, cool.
These are just things I've been curious about you.
Who do you wish you'd been closer to that you weren't?
-In my life?
-Um, it'd be nice if it overlapped with people I know.
[ Laughter ]
-You know what I mean? Just for my own interest.
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -If you start talking
about someone from New Hampshire,
other than Ghislaine Maxwell... -I wish I was, like, closer
with, like, my grandmother, but you don't want that.
-You do? -Well, my brother was closer
with her. -Why?
-Because when she, like, got old,
she moved to San Diego and he would, like, drive to see her
all the time. -And you wouldn't?
-Well, I didn't live in California.
-Oh, well, then, yeah. -Yeah.
But I will say, I think, if I lived in California,
I wouldn't have made the drive. -What would they do?
Yeah, that's what I was thinking.
-But I think it makes me feel like, "Oh, he's just nicer."
-Is he? I mean, but what did they do?
Hang out? -Yeah, he would go down there.
She lived with two of my aunts, and they would hang out.
-Huh. And did he like it, or he felt he needed to do it?
-No, I think he really liked it. -He actually liked hanging
with that crew? -Yeah.
I mean, my grandmother was a great lady,
but I just would -- Yeah.
-Yeah, grandmas are great ladies to their grandchildren.
-How was your -- You name-dropped your grandmother
in the monologue. -Yeah.
-Was she happy with the monologue?
Have you heard back? -She thought it was very funny.
-You gave her, like -- You made her have the punch line.
-Oh, yeah, no, I mean, she's -- she's, uh --
she's got, like, Joan Crawford-esque lines
coming out of her mouth constantly.
-[ Laughs ] -And everything about her --
Like, my sense, if you're like, "Where did you get
your stand-up sensibilities?" like, I'm doing my Nana.
Uh... [ Both laugh ]
So, yeah, no, she got the last laugh.
That was when she told me that if she wasn't my grandmother,
she wouldn't know who I was, which I thought was great.
-I was thinking about, while you were talking,
'cause I wasn't really tuned in...
-Sure. -[ Laughs ]
Closer with -- somebody I wish I was closer with --
like, our friend Jost just married Scarlett Johansson.
-Yeah. -We've talked about this.
We didn't know you could, like, talk to hosts.
-No. I knew you could talk to them.
But the idea of, like, you know, "May I have this dance?"
[ Laughter ] Like, are you out of your mind?
Like, are you out of your mind? [ Laughter ]
But, you know, Jost also --
we've written those musicals together.
And it's not divided up like I'm music and he's insanity.
But, like, you know, like, the sparks sprang out of the wall
in the LaGuardia sketch
that almost hit the flying Jake Gyllenhaal.
-Yeah. -That's Jost's idea, you know.
So that's the kind of confidence that's makes you go up
to a movie star and go like, "Hey, what are you doing later?"
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, I think the closest I got was I, uh --
I asked if Danny DeVito would come meet my wife.
[ Laughter ]
Which, you know, was awesome, but...
-At a party. Like, he didn't have to
leave a party or anything. -No, he just had to
get out of his booth, which was awkward, though.
You ever seen someone get out of the middle of the booth
that's just like that for, like, an hour.
So, he got out and, yeah... But, no, I never, um...
I mean, all the people I could have dated, you know?
-I know, let it go 'cause we were focused on the work.
-Sigourney Weaver. -Sigourney Weaver.
-She hosted. -Helen Mirren.
I wish I was close with Helen Mirren.
-I had a box of chocolates and flowers for Helen Mirren.
And I was gonna ask her to go to the Rainbow Room,
and then I thought, "You know what?
There's probably a 'no dating the host' policy."
[ Laughter ] But he married her.
They married each other. -Yeah.
-That's the way you say it now. -[ Laughs ]
-And so it doesn't break company policy.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-Good. You have anything else to ask me?
-Yeah, I got a bunch of stuff. -Great.
-How was Jost's wedding? -It was really nice.
-Yeah, I was really bummed I wasn't invited.
Do you think you are good-looking?
-Do I think I'm good-looking? -Yeah.
-I think I'm, uh -- I think I'm okay.
But I'm not, like -- I think I'm fine.
-Really? -I don't look at --
I will say, I don't ever, like, look in the mirror
and obsess over anything.
But I'm not, like, va-va-va-voom.
-Oh, you're not, like, va-va-va-voom.
-Yeah. -Okay.
Do you have va-va-va-voom moments?
-Um, you know what? Here's the thing.
I think I maybe think I'm a little bit better-looking
than I am when I look at a photo.
I'm sometimes like, "Oh, I was a little off."
-Yeah. -Yeah. You know what I mean?
So maybe I do think I'm good-looking,
but then photos bring me back down to Earth.
-Yeah, I often see photos of myself onstage,
and I go, "I wish I could be that guy."
Uh, but... -But I'm the opposite.
I'm saying, I think, in my head...
-Okay. -[ Laughs ]
I think, in my head, I'm like, "Alright,
I think I look good," and then I'll see a photo
of myself onstage, and I'm like, "Oh, boy."
-Well, that's all angles, too... -I got some bad angles.
-...and some college newspaper photographers,
like, right under me, and say, "Hey, buddy."
Again, 38. When I'm 25, you can take those angles.
Okay, next question. Have I ever hurt your feelings?
-I don't think so. -Okay.
-But I think there are times
that I've worried you were mad at me.
-Oh. -Yeah.
-Oh, no. -I think that maybe you don't --
No, but I think this is just how people at the show communicate.
Like, I was always worried that maybe,
if I had to give you bad news at the show,
that sometimes you were mad at me
and wouldn't say, "I'm mad at you."
-Mm, mm.
Uh, I have heard that feedback before from others.
Uh, no, I was never mad at you.
Uh, I was mad at the "system,"
which was just a straw man sometimes.
Uh, but, no. But I -- I know that I maybe
didn't give off, like, the correct, like,
"Hey, I know you're just giving me the news, buddy."
-I think it's a lot for me to ask, as well,
as being the giver of bad news,
that then the person I'm giving it to
has to make me feel okay about it.
So it's, like, a little unfair to say.
-It was often after we were up 36 hours.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
I think I often was disappointed when something that, like,
Simon Rich and Marika Sawyer and I wasn't picked.
I was disappointed there wasn't, like, a revolution
from the staff. -Right.
-I was like, "Well, surely, there will be unrest
until it's put in." You know?
[ Laughter ] But, no, I feel --
-No, you shouldn't feel -- I feel --
But I mostly -- I think it's more the value is
that you never -- you never hurt my feelings.
-Oh, yeah. You've never hurt my feelings.
-I'm glad to hear that. -Yeah, uh...
you have a very high EQ.
Emotional Q. -Oh.
-I don't know what "IQ" stands for.
-[ Laughs ] -Intelligence Quota?
I don't know. -[ Laughs ]
-I was gonna take a -- My psychiatrist was like,
"Do you want to take a formal test to see if you have ADHD,
which you definitely have?" And I was like, "Sure."
And it's a neuropsych test. And she said,
"You will find out your IQ on this test.
It just -- It's also listed. So, if, psychologically,
you don't think you could handle that,
maybe we should not take the test."
And I was like, "If I have a low IQ,
I'm gonna be thrilled, 'cause, like, I beat the system."
You know? [ Laughter ]
I got a coat. Look at me. [ Laughter ]
Um, uh, do you think about your own funeral?
-Um...no.
-Really? -Yeah.
-Oh. -Do you think about yours?
-Yeah. Do other people? -Yeah.
-Yeah. Okay.
-I think, sometimes -- I think -- You know what?
I think, when I get close to it, I try to stop myself.
-When you almost start thinking about your funeral?
-Yeah. -Like, you'll be driving,
and you're like, "I'm picturing flowers.
That's a casket. Calm down, Seth."
-I should point, the only thing I think about is
what people will say. -That's what I'm talking about.
-I'm not talking about the casket color or the pallbearers.
[ Laughter ] I'm not talking about
which cast members I make carry my dead body
up a marble floor of a church. [ Laughs ]
I'm gonna make them carry a long, long, long church.
No, it's about the speeches. -Do you think about it a lot?
-Yes. I would like people to include my faults.
-Interesting. -And not be like,
"He was always there for you." It's, like, I wasn't always.
You know, I tried to do -- I'm not dead,
but I'm gonna speak in past tense.
I tried to do the best I could.
And sometimes I didn't try to do the best I could.
But I -- my intention was always kindness.
But I wouldn't mind if someone was like,
"He was late a lot. He was late.
And we talked to him about it, and he was still late."
[ Laughter ] And he would,
even into his late 30s, would say it was the traffic.
And it was that he left late." Or, "He --"
-Boy, that is a tough thing to ask somebody to say,
'cause it's gonna be... -I would like --
I just want it said to everyone. Like, "Listen,
don't sugarcoat it."
Like, can you imagine being at my funeral,
and they just said positive things,
and they weren't like, "He kind of was like
a little rotten prince sometimes."
[ Laughter ]
Like, you thought I was mad at you
when you were just telling me my sketch wasn't --
-Now I'm worried that you're gonna think
that you were rotten. -No, I think
that I was sometimes a little -- I was holding in
a kind of tantrum sometimes at the show.
-I think we all were. -It was the sleep deprivation.
It's used for torture. -But I think
that you had an ability... -To smoke cigarette?
-I didn't know. You know what I mean?
Like, I knew other people were mad at me.
And that was -- Like, it was the not knowing.
-Yeah. -Which is your own --
It's a credit to your restraint, but that's...
-Yeah, but that can be weird. Being hard to read is weird.
-Yeah. -It can be a detriment.
It can be good in business negotiations.
-Poker. -Poker.
Although I don't think I would be able to hold it in in poker,
'cause I don't know what's good or bad.
-[ Laughs ] -I would just be like...
-[ Laughs ] -..."jack, queen."
Uh, but, yeah, my dad told me -- he said, um --
he goes, "The best advice I'll ever give you.
If you're on a business call,
and you don't like what the other person is saying --
let's say, you don't like their offer
or you don't like the decision they've reached --
just say nothing after they tell you.
Just stay silent.
After a few seconds,
they'll go, 'Are you still there?'
And you go, 'Uh-huh.'" -[ Laughs ]
-"And then it'll be silent again,
and then they will start to backpedal and make concessions,
because people hate silence so much
that they would rather give in than have this continue."
-That's a very effective... -Yeah.
And when he told me it, I was an adult,
and I thought, "You used that on us when we were kids."
[ Laughter ]
I'd call him and be like, "Can I see an R-rated movie?
You still there?" "Uh-huh."
[ Laughter ] "Um..."
So, yes, so I would like the speeches to include
my faults, and I would like someone --
I would like someone to point out
that I really enjoyed life, like I really liked it.
And again, I'm talking in the past tense.
-Yeah. -But I'm still here.
-I'm glad you're still here. -Thanks, man. [ Chuckles ]
-And -- No, genuinely, I'm glad you're here today.
And I think the thing, if I was at your funeral,
the thing I would say -- -Yes, that's the next question.
-[ Laughs ]
-"If you spoke at my funeral, what you say?"
is the next question. -Is it really?
-Yeah, on my fancy list, yeah.
-Um, and I said this to you before...
-You said my eulogy to me?
-Uh, no, it's a piece of --
I always said, like, I think one of the reasons
that people are so happy for your well-deserved success
is, one, that it's well-deserved and, two, uh,
all that time at "SNL," you were so --
you were such a fan of other people.
You were so supportive of other people.
And I think it meant a lot
because everyone knew, the minute they met you,
that you had sort of impeccable comedy taste.
And I think that a kind word, that you were very gracious with
and very generous with, I think it meant a lot
to a lot of people, myself included.
-I appreciate you saying that.
-And certainly my life has been a great deal richer
since I met you. -Yeah, mine, too.
You know, you also recommended me to audition,
which is how I got the writing job.
And if you didn't want me to be a writer,
I wouldn't have gotten the writing job.
So you really did change my life in...
Well, I don't know. I heard Werner Herzog say,
"I don't know if people change each other's lives,
but you made my life better."
'Cause it was like,
I liked being a comedian. It was great.
But it was like picking up rocks on the ground.
And then you were like, "You want to go to the moon?"
-[ Laughs ]
-And it's still kind of picking up rocks,
but, like, it's on the moon.
No, it totally changed the direction of my life.
-Um, well, like every conversation we have,
I am happy we had it. And I love you very much.
-You don't want the last question?
-Oh, yeah, what's the last question?
-You ever seen a ghost? -No. [ Laughs ]
-Has your mom or anything? -No.
-No one? -I thought about it
when you were in "Kid Gorgeous," when you talk about ghosts.
I thought, "I don't know. I've never seen a ghost."
-It's been my go-to icebreaker for a while now.
-Yeah. -Normally, at, like --
-By the way, a high school kid at a party,
with that outfit, asks that question.
That's what he thinks a girl wants to hear.
-Stares at her for a while. -[ Laughs ]
-"Can I help you?" "You ever seen a ghost?"
[ Laughter ]
Would she go out with him, is the question.
-Um... -At the end of the movie,
they'd be making out, just for a cutaway.
That's my go-to icebreaker if I'm at a wedding
and I'm sitting next to someone I don't know --
'cause I get put at a rando table --
I will often say, "Have you ever seen a ghost?"
And people, if they have not seen a ghost...
And a ghost is a dead person whose soul or spirit
is now ghoulish and haunting. -[ Chuckles ] Ghoulish.
-And, normally, if they haven't, one of their relatives has.
Or like, "No, but my best friend's house was haunted."
And it's a remarkably effective terrible icebreaker.
Sometimes I use it incorrectly.
Like, I'll be at a party,
and I don't know how to act at parties.
And a group of people will be talking,
and I'll walk up and be like, "How's everyone doing?
You ever seen a ghost?"
And then that sounds like you are a ghost.
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, you mean, like, "You have now"?
-Right, "Well, you have now." -[ Laughs ]
-Then... -[ Laughs ]
-Um, yeah.
-I think that's a good place to end it.
-Should we end it with the cast of "Sneakers" again?
But this time, we nail it? [ Laughter ]