SISTER AND NOT SOME STRANGER WHO WALKED UP.
THAT'S COOL, SHEINELLE. NICE JOB.
>> THANKS. >>> MORE ON OUR SPECIAL SERIES
ALL ABOUT MARRIAGE. TO HAVE AND TO HOLD TODAY.
>> THIS MORNING, JENNA IS TACKLING THE AGE-OLD QUESTION,
WHO MAKES A HAPPY MARRIAGE? >> THIS IS A BIG QUESTION.
ACCORDING TO AN NBC NEWS/SURVEY MONKEY POLL, SEVEN IN TEN
AMERICANS THINK GOOD COMMUNICATION THE MOST IMPORTANT
FACTOR. IT'S A PLUS, BUT THERE'S A LOT
MORE THAT GOES INTO CREATING A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP.
>> I GIVE YOU THIS RING. >> WHEN YOU GET MARRIED, THERE'S
SO MUCH ROMANCE AROUND IT. YOU'RE IN LOVE.
IT'S EXCITING. YOU'RE BUILDING THIS HOUSE AND
THIS LIFE TOGETHER. AND WHEN YOU GET TO THE MIDWAY
POINT, THE BURDENS HIT YOU HARDER.
>> Reporter: IN HER NEW BOOK, "WEDDING TOASTS I'LL NEVER
GIVE," HER ESSAYS DESCRIBE MARRIAGE AS A BURDEN AND A GIFT.
>> IN THE COURSE OF BEING TOGETHER FOREVER, YOU HAVE MANY
DOUBTS STOKING. I LOVE THIS PERSON AND WHEN HE'S
SICK, HE'S NOT NURTURING. IN THE DARKEST MOMENTS OF MY OWN
MARRIAGE, I FELT THE NAGGING EXCEPTIONS.
WE HAVE A CHILD TOGETHER. AND WE MAKE EACH OTHER LAUGH AND
I STILL LOVE HIM. >> Reporter: THEY HAVE BEEN
MARRIED FOR 14 YEARS AND HAVE ONE SON, OLIVER.
>> IT'S NOT LIKE ONCE YOU GET MARRIED OR ONCE YOU HAVE KIDS,
YAY, WE DID IT. HIGH-FIVE.
WE WON OR SOMETHING. IT'S NOT THE END OF THE GAME.
IT'S SORT OF LIKE, OH, NO, WAIT. THERE'S CONSTANTLY TWISTS AND
TURNS. >> AND PEOPLE JUST SPRING
CHANGES ON YOU. THEY GAIN OR LOSE 100 POUNDS.
THEY GET A TOTALLY NEW CAREER. YOU KNOW, YOU HAVE A KID THAT
HAS A DISABILITY. YOU MAKE THE BEST PLANS YOU CAN
AND THEN, LIFE HAPPENS TO YOU. PART OF MAKING IT THROUGH THE
MIDDLE OF MARRIAGE IS JUST HOLDING ON.
AND UNDERREACTING TO PROBLEMS. >> Reporter: DANI SHAPIRO WRITES
OPENLY ABOUT THE UPS AND DOUBS OF HER MARRIAGE TO MICHAEL IN
"HOURGLASS." >> HOW HAVE YOU CHANGED SINCE
YOU WALKED DOWN THE AISLE?
>> I THINK LIFE HAS A WAY WITH US IN SO MANY WAYS.
OUR BABY WAS SICK WHEN HE WAS AN INFANT.
>> Reporter: YOU WRITE ABOUT GOING THROUGH THE HEALTH CARE
WITH YOUR 6-MONTH-OLD BABY. HE'S NOW HEALTHY AND 18.
BUT THAT COULD HAVE CRUSHED A MARRIAGE.
>> YES. >> Reporter: WHY DO YOU THINK
YOU ALL SURVIVED IT? >> IT'S CEMENTED OUR BOND
BECAUSE WE NEVER DID DISAGREE WITH EACH OTHER OR IN ANY WAY
BLAME ONE ANOTHER. >> I THINK WE REALLY BECAME A
REALLY SOLID TEAM AT THAT MOMENT.
WHAT SAVED HIM ORIGINALLY WAS DANI'S INSTINCT AS A MOTHER THAT
THERE WAS SOMETHING WRONG. I JUST COMPLETELY TRUSTED HER
INSTINCTS ABOUT EVERYTHING AND ABOUT EVERYTHING WE DID.
>> Reporter: SO, 20 YEARS IN, HOW DO YOU SEE THE MIDDLE OF A
MARRIAGE? >> HOPEFULLY IT'S THE MIDDLE OF
THE MARRIAGE. WE'VE HAD SOME HARD TIMES.
SOME OF THEM FINANCIAL, SOME OF THEM MEDICAL.
>> Reporter: SOCIAL MEDIA MAY PAINT A PRETTY PICTURE.
BUT DANI SAYS IT DOESN'T SHOW REALITY AND THE DAY-TO-DAY
STRUGGLES FACING UP COUPLES. >> WHAT DOESN'T GO ON INSTAGRAM?
BANK STATEMENTS, PAST DUE NOTICES, TUITION BILLS.
E-MAILS BEARING DISAPPOINTING NEWS.
THE WAY WE PUT OUR ARMS AROUND EACH OTHER EARLY IN THE MORNING,
BLEARILY-EYED, COFFEE BREWING, AND BURY OUR HEADS INTO EACH
OTHER'S SHOULDERS. IT'S GOING TO BE OKAY, RIGHT?
I DON'T KNOW IF YOU WOULD AGREE WITH ME.
BUT I FEEL LIKE WE HAVE SOMEWHAT CHANGED, EACH OF US, WHICH IS
PART OF WHAT THE MIDDLE IS. WE'VE CHANGED AS WE'VE GROWN
TOWARD EACH OTHER. IT'S NOT -- YOU'RE NOT THE MAN I
MARRIED. WELL, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
IT'S NOT POSSIBLE TO BE. AND SO, THAT SENSE OF HONORING
WHO YOU ARE TOGETHER OVER THE PASSAGE OF TIME, LIKE A FRAGILE
CHAIN OF PAPER DOLLS, IN A LONG MARRIAGE, ALL OF THE SELVES YOU
HAVE BEEN TOGETHER, I THINK CONTINUE TO BE ALIVE INSIDE OF
YOU. BUT YOU CONTINUE TO TRANSFORM
AND CHANGE. SO, HONORING THAT.
>> I LOVE THAT. >> REALLY NICE.
>> I THINK IT'S ALL ABOUT FINDING THESE HARDSHIPS AND
TACKLING THEM TOGETHER. THEY ALL SAID THAT KINDNESS IS
THE MOST IMPORTANT FACTOR. >> YEAH.
I LIKE WHAT SHE SAID ABOUT YOU'RE NOT THE MAN I MARRIED.
BUT YOU SHOULDN'T BE. YOU'VE GROWN OVER THE YEARS.
>> THAT'S A HARD THING TO TACKLE.
SOMETIMES YOU DON'T LOOK AT ME IN THE SAME WAYS.
WELL, YOU HAD TWO BABIES AND YOU DON'T LOOK THE SAME.
>> ISN'T THAT SOMETHING TO FIGURE OUT BEFORE YOU MARRY
SOMEONE? IF YOU GO THROUGH DIFFICULT
TIMES, IS THAT PERSON GOING TO GROW CLOSER TO YOU OR DISTANCE
THEMSELVES FROM YOU? >> I THINK IT IS.
IT'S IMPORTANT TO START OFF MARRIAGE THAT WAY.
>> MY GRANDPARENTS CELEBRATED 67 YEARS TWO DAYS AGO.
AND IT'S FUN TO WATCH THEM IN THEIR EBBS AND FLOWS.
THEY'RE THE BEST OF BUDDIES. SOMETIMES ON EACH OTHER'S WORST
NERVE. AND THE NEXT MOMENT --
>> HOW MANY YEAR FOR YOU? >> TEN YEARS.
>> FIVE YEARS. >> TEN YEARS.
>> COMING UP ON 20. >> WE HAVE TO THROW YOU A PARTY.
>> YES, YOU