>>> ARE YOU HAVING DIFFICULTY
GETTING THAT JOB, RELATIONSHIP,
THE LIFE YOU WANT?
IT MAY BE BECAUSE OF YOUR
EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.
WE ALL HAVE IT AND MIGHT NOT
REALIZE HOW IT'S HOLDING US
BACK.
SOMETHING MELISSA KNOWS
FIRSTHAND.
SHE WAS IN THE SEVENTH GREAT THE
FIRST TIME SHE WAS CALLED FAT
AND UGLY.
LABELS THAT WOULD STICK TO HER
AND DEFINE HER FOR 41 YEARS.
WATCH.
>> TEXAS NATIVE MELISSA RADKEIS
FULL OF PERSONALITY AND
CONFIDENCE.
>> GO FOR IT.
>> SHE WASN'T ALWAYS THIS WAY.
>> I THINK IN SEVENTH GRADE I
STARTED TO NOTICE A DIVIDING
LINE BETWEEN TYPES OF PEOPLE AND
GROUPS OF PEOPLE.
IN SEVENTH GRADE I STARTED TO
NOTICE, OH, WE'RE SUPPOSED TO
FIT IN SOMEWHERE, AND I DIDN'T
FIT IN ANYWHERE.
>> SHE SAID SHE WAS CONSTANTLY
PICKED ON BY CLASSMATES GROWING
UP AND THE WORDS SHE USED LEFT
HER FEELING DEFEATED.
>> THEY CALLED ME HEAVY, FAT,
WASTE OF TIME.
>> SHE WENT AND PURSUED A MUSIC
CAREER.
>> SINGING ALWAYS CAME NATURAL
FOR ME.
I THOUGHT I WOULD ALWAYS BE A
SINGER BECAUSE IT WAS THE ONLY
THING I COULD DO.
I DIDN'T HAVE TO WORK AT IT.
IT WAS NATURAL.
MY FAMILY SINGS.
I GREW UP SINGING WITH THEM
AROUND THE PIANO AND TRAVELING
AND SINGING.
>> DESPITE DOING WHAT SHE LOVED,
THE EMOTIONAL TOLL OF CRITICISM
ALWAYS FOLLOWED HER, EVEN AT
AUDITIONS.
>> THE MIDDLE JUDGE GOT UP FROM
WHERE HE WAS SITTING, WALKED UP
TO THE STAGE WHERE I WAS
STANDING.
HE LOOKED AT ME AND SMILED AND I
SMILED AT HIM.
HE SAID TO EVERY WOMAN IN THE
ROOM AND THERE WAS PROBABLY
1500.
YOU WANT TO BE ON MY SHOW, YOU
BETTER SING LIKE THIS BUT YOU
BETTER NOT LOOK LIKE THIS.
NEXT.
>> ON THE DRIVE HOME SHE
COULDN'T MAKE SENSE OF WHAT
HAPPENED.
>> IT MADE ME FEEL SAD.
IT MADE ME FEEL REJECTED.
IT MADE ME FEEL CONFUSED.
I FELT LIKE A WASTED LIFE.
>> NOW AT 44, SHE HAS LEFT THOSE
FEELINGS BEHIND AND IS FOCUSED
ON MOVING FORWARD.
>> I'M JUST LIVING IT ON THE
CENTER STAGE INSTEAD OF BACK IN
THE BACK WITH THE HEADPHONES ON.
>> AND MELISSA IS OUT WITH A NEW
BOOK CALLED "EAT CAKE BE BRAVE."
SHE'S WITH US NOW.
MELISSA, THANK YOU FOR BEING
HERE.
>> I'M SO HAPPY YOU FINALLY GET
TO MEET ME.
>> I LOVE THE AUDIENCE SHOUT OUT
TODAY.
YEAH!
BEFORE YOU EVEN GOT TALKING.
>> I KNOW YOU SAY SOMETIMES YOU
FIND IT HARD TO FIND YOUR PLACE.
WHEN THAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE
DEALING WITH YOUR EMOTIONAL
BAGGAGE, YOU WOULD FIND YOUR
SELF IN SEVENTH GRADE AGAIN.
AS SOON AS I HEARD IT, I WAS
LIKE, ME, TOO.
>> DO YOU GET IT?
>> WHERE SOMEBODY, YOU FEEL
IGNORED, DON'T FIT IN.
IT TAKES YOU BACK TO THIS MOST
INSECURE PLACE.
>> SEVENTH GRADE IS WHERE YOU
START -- AT LEAST FOR ME.
YOU START NOTICING THE GREAT
DIVIDE.
EVERYBODY BREAKS OFF INTO THESE
GROUPS AND YOU DON'T FIT INTO
ONE OF THEM, WHAT DO YOU DO?
IT'S NO DIFFERENT AT SEVENTH
GRADE, AT 12 AND NO DIFFERENT AT
40.
WHAT DO WE DO WHEN WE DON'T FIT
ANYMORE.
COME ON, LUNCHTIME.
LUNCH ROOM.
HELP ME JESUS.
THAT WAS TERRIBLE.
>> IS IT TRUE YOU WOULD GO
BEHIND THE BATHROOM STALL?
>> YEAH.
I WOULD TAKE MY LUNCH INTO THE
MIDDLE SCHOOL BATHROOM BEHIND
STALL THREE, PUT YOUR FEET UP ON
THE TOILET.
HAVE YOU EVER TRIED TO EAT TUNA
FISH WITH YOUR FEET ON THE
TOILET?
>> NO.
>> I COULD HEAR GIRLS COME IN
AND MAKE THEIR PLANS.
THINGS I WAS NEVER INVITED TO.
IT WAS A DEFINITE MEMORY.
I HUNG ONTO THAT FOR A LONG
TIME.
>> MY GOSH, IT'S LIKE TAKING ME
BACK TO A DARK PLACE IN MY OWN
LI
LIFE.
I UNDERSTAND THE SCARS, IT'S
HARD TO GET PAST THAT.
>> WHEN I HEARD YOUR THEME WAS
EMOTIONAL BAGGAGE.
DING DING DING DING.
I WONDER WHY THEY ASKED ME TO BE
ON HERE.
>> THAT'S SUCH A TIME IN YOUR
ADOLESCENCE AND PATH FORWARD.
IT'S HARD TO GET PAST.
YOU TRIED OUT FOR THE
CHEERLEADING SQUAD HOW MANY
TIMES.
>> IN ALL FAIRNESS -- I TRIED
OUT THREE TIMES AND DIDN'T MAKE
IT.
IN ALL FAIRNESS I CAN'T TURN
FLIPS AN WHEN I JUMP, I DON'T
GET OFF THE GROUND.
IN ALL FAIRNESS, I SHOULDN'T
HAVE MADE IT.
>> IN TEXAS, THEY TAKE
CHEERLEADING SERIOUS.
YOU BETTER BE GOOD.
>> THE THING IS I WOULD COME
HOME AND SAY, I'M GOING TO TRY
OUT FOR CHEERLEADER AGAIN.
SHE WAS LIKE, NO, YOU'RE NOT.
IN TEXAS MAMAS ARE TRUTHFUL.
SHE SAID SAY MELISSA, YOU CAN'T
DANCE.
HAVE YOU NO RHYTHM.
YOU TRIED TO TURN A CART WHEEL
AND YOU BROKE MY OTTOMAN.
YOU OWE ME $60.
I TRIED OUT THREE TIMES.
LOOK, I WANTED A SQUAD.
I JUST WANTED A GROUP OF PEOPLE.
DO WE REALLY THINK THAT SEVENTH
GRADERS ARE GOING TO HEAL
THEMSELVES?
THEY ARE GOING TO DO THE
INTERNAL HEART WORK?
NO.
SO YOU CONTINUE ON IN LIFE WITH
THE PAIN THAT WAS LAID THERE.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE THE SKILLS TO
DEAL WIT AT THAT AGE.
>> YOU DON'T HAVE THE SKILLS.
>> WHAT'S SAD, WHEN YOU BECAME
AN ADULT, THAT KIND OF ABUSIVE
BEHAVIOR CONTINUED.
YOU LIKE TO THINK WHEN YOU GET
OUT OF MIDDLE SCHOOL THAT
BEHAVIOR IS BEHIND YOU, BUT I
THINK WE ALL FIND OUT --
>> BULLIES ARE NOT JUST ON THE
PLAYGROUND.
>> NO.
>> YOU WORK WITH THEM.
SOMETIMES YOU MARRY THEM.
>> SOMETIMES YOU ELECT THEM
PRESIDENT.
>> OH --
[ APPLAUSE ]
>> I JUST HAVE TO SAY I THOUGHT,
DEAR LORD, IF SHE GOES THERE,
LET HER GO THERE WITH ME.
>> MELISSA.
>> IT'S TRUE.
>> I WANT TO PICK IT UP WITH
WHAT WE HEARD IN THE PIECE ABOUT
WHAT HAPPENED ON THAT STAGE,
WHICH REALLY MAKES ME WANT TO
.
>>> WE'RE BACK NOW WITH MELISSA
RADKE WHO IS OUT WITH A NEW BOOK
CALLED "EAT CAKE BE BRAVE."
YOU GET ON STAGE WITH THAT
ROCKET VOICE AND YOU SING LIKE
THAT AND THAT JERK SAID -- ARE
WE GOING TO OUT THE JERK?
>> I DON'T REMEMBER HIS NAME.
HE COULD HAVE TOLD ME HIS NAME
AND I WAS SO IN SHOCK IN THAT
MOMENT THAT I WOULDN'T EVEN HAVE
REMEMBERED IT.
>> YOU ARE SO FUN AND FUNNY AND
BUBBLY AND WARM, BUT THE TRUTH
IS THIS LIFETIME OF REALLY ABUSE
DID TAKE ITS TOLL ON YOU.
YOU BECAME VERY DEPRESSED.
>> YES.
OH, YES.
>> EVEN SUICIAL AT SOME POINT.
>> I LIKE IT IT -- IT'S NOT THE
BEST ONE IN THE WORLD.
I LIKEN IT TO TATTOOS.
WOULD YOU EVER GO INTO A TATTOO
SHOP AND SAY, YOU KNOW, THIS GUY
I MET ON THE STREET IS GOING TO
PICK OUT WHAT I GET.
WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT.
YET MY WHOLE LIFE WHEN THESE
IDIOTS WOULD SAY THESE THINGS TO
ME, I WOULD MARC MY SKIN UP WITH
THEM.
TOO BIG, TOO MUCH, TOO LOUD,
DREAMER, WASTE OF TIME.
I WOULD INK MYSELF UP WITH THESE
REMARKS THAT PEOPLE THAT DIDN'T
KNOW ME, THEY DIDN'T KNOW WHO I
WAS.
I WOULD WEAR THEM.
I STARTED TATTING MYSELF UP IN
SEVENTH GRADE, SO TO ME AND I
DID IT UNTIL 40 YEARS OLD.
>> THAT'S RIGHT.
WE DO ALLOW STRANGERS TO HAVE
POWER OVER US.
NOT JUST FOR THE MOMENT BUT
DECADES TO COME.
HOW DO YOU TURN THAT AROUND?
I'M SURE A LOT OF PEOPLE
WATCHING RIGHT NOW FEELING THOSE
AT THAT TIME ON THEM.
>> OH, GOSH.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.
IT AFFECTS HOW WE WALK, HOW WE
MOVE.
IT AFFECTS WHO WE LOVE, MARRY,
WHAT JOBS WE TAKE.
IT AFFECTS EVERYTHING IN OUR
LIVES.
SO WE'RE TALKING ABOUT EMOTIONAL
BAGGAGE.
I HAD IT ALL OVER MY SKIN AND WE
JUST CARRY IT AROUND WITH US.
MY TURNAROUND CAME THE YEAR I
TURNED 41.
THE YEAR I TURNED 40, THAT WAS A
PARTY, MEGYN, YOU WOULD HAVE
WANTED TO BE THERE.
EVERYBODY THERE FOR 40th.
THE YEAR I TURNED 41, I GOT TWO
SHOUTOUTS ON FACEBOOK.
I LITERALLY COOKED A ROAST THAT
HAD BEEN IN MY FREEZER FOR 17
MONTHS.
THAT'S NOT BAD, I'LL COOK THAT.
I WENT TO THE MALL AND BOUGHT
MYSELF MY OWN COOKIE CAKE.
ARE WE DEPRESSED OR WHAT?
I DID IT, GOT HOME, HAD MY
FAMILY OVER FOR DINNER, OPENED
UP THE CAKE AND IT SAID HAPPY
BIRTHDAY MILISSA.
THEY HAD MISSPELLED MY OWN NAME
ON MY OWN CAKE.
THAT'S MY LIFE IN A NUT SHELL.
IT GOT TO THE EVENING WHEN I
BLEW OUT MY OWN CANDLES.
HER IS THE DEAL, AS ADULTS WE
DON'T MAKE WISHES ANYMORE.
I STOPPED MAKING WISHES AT 16, I
WISHED MY BOOBS WOULD STOP
GROWING AND YOU SEE WHAT
HAPPENED THERE.
>> I HAD EXACTLY THE OPPOSITE
WISH.
>> I WENT TO BLOW OUT MY CANDLES
AND MY CHILDREN ARE SITTING
HERE.
YOU HAVE TO UNDERSTAND BOTH MY
CHILDREN ARE ADOPTED.
THIS CAME AFTER 12 YEARS OF
INFERTILITY.
YOU MARKED YOUR SELF UP WITH
THAT.
I CAN'T DO WHAT EVERY OTHER
WOMAN COULD DO.
I DID HAVE A SON, A LITTLE BOY,
WHO PASSED AWAY ON CHRISTMAS
MORNING, 2005.
THEN YOU HAVE THAT, LOSER, LOSS,
GRIEF.
SO I HAVE THESE TWO CHILDREN AND
THEY ARE BROUGHT TO MY ADOPTION,
GOD-GIVEN, AND THEY START
FIGHTING OVER MY WISH.
MAKE A WISH, TELL US WHAT IT IS.
SHE CAN'T TELL US WHAT IT IS.
YES, SHE CAN.
SHE'S A MAMA.
SHE CAN IF SHE WANTS TO.
I'M THINKING, THEY ARE PUTTING
SO MUCH STOCK IN THIS WISH, I
WILL, TOO.
I LEANED OVER TO BLOW OUT MY
CANDLES AND THE FIRST THING I
THOUGHT WAS I'M GOING TO BE
BRAVE.
I'LL GIVE IT 12 MONTHS, TO BE
BRAVE, TO DO WHAT PEOPLE SAY I
SHOULDN'T DO, TO TRY THE THINGS
I SHOULDN'T TRY.
TO STEP OUTSIDE THE BOX OF WHAT
A MIDDLE AGED FLUFFY MOM SHOULD
DO.
IF THEY TELL ME TO SIT DOWN, I'M
GOING TO GET UP.
>> YES!
>> TWELVE MONTHS.
TWELVE MONTHS.
>> AND THAT WAS THE BEGINNING OF
EVERYTHING.
>> THAT WAS THE BEGINNING.
I'LL GIVE IT 12 MONTHS.
IF THEY TELL ME TO STOP SINGING,
MELISSA.
I'M GOING TO SING LOUDER.
YOU BETTER BE CAREFUL.
AND I DID.
I DID.
>> CAN I TELL YOU SOMETHING, SHE
DID SING.
AND MELISSA'S NEW UNSCRIPTED
FAMILY SITCOM IS GOING TO BE
COMING SOON TO OUR SISTER
NETWORK USA.
SHE MADE IT, SHE DID IT.
SHE CHANGED HER LIFE STARTING
WITH THOSE 12 MONTHS OF COURAGE.
AND IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO TRY A
LITTLE 12 MONTHS OF COURAGE, IF
YOU WOULD LIKE A LITTLE EAT CAKE
AND BE BRAVE, YOU CAN READ HER
BOOK.
BY THE WAY, EVERYONE IN OUR
AUDIENCE IS GOING HOME WITH A
COPY OF IT.
MELISSA, ROCK ON, SISTER.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
>> THANK YOU.
>> WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.