The NES had a lot going for it.
Y’know, wide variety of games, the industry leader for an entire generation, responsible
for dispelling the stigma around “Video Games” that lingered in America after the
Crash of ‘83.
But perhaps one of its most endearing traits was that it could almost handle the arcade
hits of its time.
Everything from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles to Operation Wolf to Rampage eventually found
their ways into our homes, via that big grey box.
Not every transition was flawless, though; it’d still be several years until the home
consoles would catch up to their quarter-slurping equivalents.
This NES version of Bubble Bobble lacks a little bit of the shine of its stand-up counterpart,
but it’s still an awesome game in any form.
Bub and Bob went out for a walk.
And then their girlfriends were abducted, and they were turned into dinosaurs.
Man, some neighborhoods are just ROUGH.
Anyway, they now find themselves trapped in a progression of mazes, full of weird-looking
hostile things that want to kill them, from mechanical wind-up... things... to these ghost
things that throw rocks, to... whatever those squid-looking flying things are... man.
Enemy design back in the 80s must’ve been a great way to put your acid flashbacks to
good use.
Anyway, as a newly-minted dinosaur-thing, you can neutralize these threats by use of...
Bubbles.
And not the Powerpuff girl with the pigtails, actual bubbles which you can exhale and use
to capture foes.
Man, that’s gotta be SOME mucus.
You might want to consult your physician if that lasts for longer than four hours.
Anyway.
Once a foe is trapped thusly, all you have to do is pop the bubble, by jumping on it,
running at it, head-butting it, what have you, and said hostile is expelled violently
and turned into an apple or a cucumber or something that might be tasty, if you didn’t
know where that thing has been.
Still, points are points.
In addition to their utility as monster-capturing vessels, bubbles can be used as transportation,
as hitting the jump button while landing on one allows you to jump on it without popping.
Now that’s gentle.
Improving your bubble-blowing prowess are power-ups that can extend your firing range
and rate, sneakers to speed up your movement, and some downright weird stuff like invincibility
hearts, potions to take you to secret levels, and umbrellas that let you Mary Poppins past
the next several floors.
Yes.
I just used Mary Poppins as a verb.
Deal with it.
But it’s not all peaches and cream and apples and crystal things and the occasional freakin’
massive popsicle.
No, you’re on a mission to save your honey after all, and that’ll require trekking
through more than a hundred stages.
Fortunately, you can continue from the beginning of any stage, and there’s even a password
system if you need to put the game down, tour a nearby arcade, and come back later.
However, if you do leave the game, you WILL have that song stuck in your head.
The theme to Bubble Bobble is one of the great Ear Worms of all time, and you WILL struggle
to keep it inside your brain.
And if a couple bars leak out, every gamer who has shared in this bubble-bursting experience
(and, from my travels, that’s a very large number) will give you a look simultaneously
broadcasting understanding and grievous contempt... and they’ll start whistling it too.
This song is a disease, one that makes you wonder just how good a monster-turned-watermelon
could possibly taste.
The world may never know.