- When I was little,
I grew up on the Navajo reservation
and my parents were educators.
They taught headstart.
And because they both were working,
I spent a lot of time with my grandparents.
They lived in a very rural area
and these were my mom's parents.
We would
be out in the
middle of nowhere.
They were dirt roads.
And this was a time period when some people had cars,
but a lot of people still had wagons and horses.
And that's how they got around.
I remember waking up early in the morning
and hearing my grandfather
pumping the kerosene lamps
to get them started
because there was no electricity
and I would smell
bacon and eggs.
And my grandmother would be making
tortillas and potatoes for us to eat.
My grandfather would be getting ready
to go take the sheep out.
And I remember just thinking
this was a really beautiful time
and we would have breakfast together.
This cold air would come in in the morning
and we would be just being with each other.
My grandfather would go out to the corral
and
I would then help, my grandmother
mix milk for the lambs.
And we would mix up this milk
and put them in these large containers of Coke and,
and 7-Up and put the nipples on
and go out to the corral and feed the lambs.
And I also remember
part of my job was to siphon out the water
cause we didn't have running water.
And I would take that hose
and siphon out water for the dogs.
And our dog dish
was a tire that my grandfather cut in half
and we'd put the food in there
and all the dogs would come running
and they always had really weird names.
I was trying to remember some of the names like
Mop Bucket (crowd laughs) and (laughs)
Daisy, Boots, What's your name? (crowd laughs)
Those were really their names. It was really strange,
but they'd all come and eat out of this, this trough.
And after that, then we would go inside.
And in the one room where we all slept,
there was a bed where my grandma and grandpa slept.
It was like a queen bed and they would, we had fixed that.
And then my uncles, one of my uncle's beds was off the side.
It was a twin bed. And all of us,
the rest of us slept on mattresses
and cushions on the floor.
So we would get all those cushions together and fold them up
and put them against the wall to,
to get this space cleaned up.
And this room that we slept in all together
was
then transformed into, my grandmother's studio.
She is a traditional Navajo Weaver
and
we would get that space ready.
There were two windows on either side of the room
and the light would be coming in in the morning
and in between the two windows was her loom.
And I remember we used to sew these flour sacks together
to make these like white sheets that would go over the loom
and the rug to keep it clean.
And then we would lay out the cushions in front of the loom
for my grandmother and a sheepskin for me to sit with her
because my job was to be with her and be her companion
and help her.
And she would be
carding wool or spinning.
And there were times when
she would make the yarn into these balls.
And part of my job was to stand there with my hands out
and she would wrap the yarn around my hands
and you know, I get tired as a kid
and I would just bend over and lay on my back
and transfer the yard over to my feet. (crowd laughs)
I'd be laying on my back and I'd be like
touching her skirt and just smelling my grandmother.
And like often people would ask me like,
what reminds you of your grandmother? And I'd said,
you know, it's Bengay. (laughing)
I'd smell that because she's always saying she ate
and she would wear that. And I just like,
every time I would smell it, I would think of her.
And so I'd be with her and she would be talking with me.
And as my feet were in the air, she would pet my feet
and say beautiful things to me
and just encourage me to be a good person.
As I started to get older,
I started getting into art making,
and I love making art.
And I started making prints in high school,
got into printmaking and in undergraduate school,
and this question would always come up from people.
Cause they'd say you're an artist and I'd say, yes.
So they'd say you're Navajo. And I'd say, yes,
they'd say so you must be a traditional Navajo Weaver.
And I'd say,
no.
you must make jewelry,
No. (laughs)
And they'd look at what I make.
And just sometimes people would be disappointed
that I wasn't carrying on this tradition.
And so at one point I asked my grandmother,
what do you think of what I'm doing and what I'm making?
Sometimes I think I should be weaving like you
and my grandmother said,
I didn't grow up going to school or learning
English.
And she's speaking in Navajo. And she says,
but the way I see it,
you're weaving thoughts and ideas
and these designs in a different way.
Something like I can't do.
And in that way, I see you as a traditional weaver.
It's really amazing to hear that from my grandmother
and gave me strength to move forward with, with what I do.
I move forward in
my life making
art and
thinking about
and remembering what
this strength she gave me.
One day, we were driving to
off the reservation and it's like an hour
to get to a town
from home and we get there.
And I remember being really little
and all the adults were talking in the car dealership
and
I looked over and they were unraveling
and rolling out this rug
across the hood of the truck.
And
my grandmother was there talking
with the car dealer man, and
you know, they were going on
and I was just, you know,
you're supposed to be good and sit there.
So we were later driving back home in a brand new truck.
And I remember my grandpa leaving,
leaning towards me and saying,
see how important her weaving is?
She supported us in many ways and it was really beautiful
as I move forward in my life. I kept going through this,
this questioning
and
I was teaching at different universities
and I ended up coming to this university here in Boulder.
And I remember there was always this question of,
should I be here? I really should be back home.
My parents are educators.
They've given up everything to be there.
Should I be there too?
And this weight of like, where should I be?
What should I be doing? Was always inside me.
My grandmothers had since passed and
I was asked to help with a project at the university
at the natural history museum.
It turns out our natural history museum on campus has
one of the largest Navajo rug collections in the US
and I helped with this project.
And all the time I was looking in the database for
Delma Baldwin, looking for her rugs
and nothing would come up.
So the exhibit comes and I call my parents
and my uncle and tell them,
you should come to Boulder and see this exhibit
that I helped put together.
It's really beautiful.
And there are some rugs from where our people are from and,
and you should come see them.
So my parents came and I was really excited.
And we were coming into this room
with all of these Rugs on the walls and on platforms.
And
my mom got really quiet and I've said,
I started to point, but before I even showed her, she said,
that's my mom's rug.
That's your grandmother's rug.
I stop, I look at it.
I said, mom, how do you know?
And she says,
because I was carrying you,
I was pregnant with you. When she was weaving that rug,
we walk up to the rug and look at the label.
And the label says, Mrs. Tom Baldwin,
because during that time,
women were known by their husbands names.
And all my life I was told to be a strong Navajo woman
and always keeping my name.
And it was amazing to find her rugs there.
And then my uncle found some other rugs
that belonged to her.
And then off to the side,
I see my dad like getting a little emotional
and I said, dad, are you okay? What's wrong?
And he said,
this is my mom's rug
and were, we were just like amazed because my,
my dad's mom, didn't weave a lot of rugs.
We look at the label by her rug and it says anonymous.
We call the people at the museum and tell them the story.
And they're saying, we're so glad that you could share this.
And then I tell myself, this is where I'm supposed to be.
They're here, and I'm here.
Thank you. (crowd clapping)