Hey, it's Mark here from Make Him Yours, and today, we're talking closure.
How do you get closure from your previous relationship or love?
That's what I'm going to tell you next.
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If you've just been through a breakup, or you've just had a relationship end
or maybe even it was a little while ago, one thing you've probably been
struggling to find with it is closure.
Now, closure is not the same as getting over someone.
You can be over someone but not have closure, and you can even have
closure but not be over someone. Closure is about getting answers to
the questions swimming around in your mind. Why did he leave?
Why did it happen? What part could you have played?
To find closure, you want to get answers to those questions.
Well, today, I want to give you five ways that you can get closure from your
previous relationship or whatever's happened with you.
But first, I want to talk about two really important concepts relating to closure.
The first one is simply this, you have ultimate responsibility for your feelings.
As long as you say to yourself, "he makes me feel so shit, or the way he left has left
me feeling awful and I can't feel better until he gives me some closure" is giving
the power of your psychology to him. You can't control what he did,
but you can control your reaction to it. You can use what I'm about to talk about
to make yourself feel better and it is your responsibility to get yourself
feeling better again.
The second thing is he can't give you closure.
You have to find closure from yourself. So many women chase and chase
their exes or former lovers to try and meet up with them to get closure.
Most of the time they waste time and energy with exes who refuse to meet up.
But here's the thing, even if he does meet with you or talk to you,
his answers never satisfy you. He says things like, "I do love you, but I just can't
be with you," or "I think we were the perfect couple who just met at the
wrong time" and it leaves you feeling even crappier.
Not only is closure your responsibility, understand it's something that has to
come from inside you. Now, here's a few things you can do to take responsibility
and find closure from within yourself.
Number one, give yourself time. Remember, you still have to go
through the grieving process and it can take a lot longer than you might
think. So feelings related to grief are normal. 30 days is not enough in many
cases, some of these feelings can linger for a minimum of six months or more,
and that's okay. It doesn't mean you're sitting around moping, but it does mean
all that time later, you still expect the occasional bad day.
Number two, change your environment. Get his things off your mantle and out
of your house. Delete his photos from your phone or put them on a USB and
leave the USB in a place where you won't look at it for a long, long time.
Create a fresh new environment, move furniture around.
If you live together and you have the option, move house or even cities.
The less there is in the environment to remind you of him and your time
together, the better you'll do and the faster you'll find closure.
Number three is an exercise I call, "speak in silence."
This is where you speak to him as if he was there. You let your feelings
out to an empty chair, a gift he gave you, or a photo, something that makes you
feel like he's there with you. Let yourself get angry, cry, be frustrated.
Whatever emotions you're feeling, speak them in silence to him in a way that
works for you.
Number four, write a letter that you never send. This is one of the most
powerful exercises you can do to let go of your feelings that had been
cooped up inside of you. Write a letter that you never send to him.
Let all your feelings out, expressing your anger and disappointment.
Get everything you need to off your chest. Once you've done that, scrunch it up
or burn it symbolically to let go of him and your feelings for him.
Number five, and this is the most important step, take care of yourself.
This all encompassing fifth step is what you really need to find closure within
yourself. Do things for you that make you feel good again, exercise, move
your body, yoga, gym, a really long run. Meet people and make new friends.
Take up an old hobby that you haven't done for a while or a new one that fulfills
you. Set some new goals and fulfill you and start going after them
and remember, take care of yourself.
Friends, psychologists, counselors, they're all there because they want
to help you and are willing to. So use them. If you want to find closure,
it is your responsibility to find it and sort through those feelings and
closure will come from you. So remember, take the time you need.
Change your environment around. Speak to a chair that he isn't sitting
in speak in silence to him. Write a letter and do a symbolic burning
if you have to. And most of all, look after yourself.
If you take these attitudes and do these things, you will find closure
from your relationship.
I hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you for watching!
Make sure you subscribe, and I'll see you soon.