>> Greg: YES!
HAPPY TUESDAY, EVERYONE.
SO MUCH FUN.
SO LET’S TALK ABOUT
ROE VS. WADE.
I’M KIDDING.
[LAUGHTER]
[LAUGHS]
GOT YOU.
LET’S TALK ABOUT A DIFFERENT
ABORTION.
NO, NO, NO, ONE PERFORMED ON A
STORY BY THE MEDIA -- SEE WHAT I
DID THERE?
I TRICKED YOU TWICE.
IT SEEMS EVERY DAY WE FIND MORE
PROOF OF HOW CORRUPT THE PRESS
IS IN KILLING OFF A LIVING,
BREATHING STORY OUT OF
CONVENIENCE.
IT WAS A GROUP EFFORT,
STRANGLING A BREAKTHROUGH EXPOSE
THAT WOULD HAVE CHANGED THE
LANDSCAPE OF AN ELECTION.
THE PRESS COME ALONG WITH DEMS,
FACEBOOK, AND TWITTER, TOOK THE
LAPTOP STORY TO THEIR OWN
VERSION OF PLANNED PARENTHOOD
AND SUFFOCATED IT WITH A
HIGH-TECH BLANKET.
THE LATEST BOMBSHELL, REMEMBER
HOW JOE BIDEN CLAIMS HE NEVER
SPOKE TO HUNTER ABOUT HIS
DEALINGS WITH THE CHINESE?
TRUE, THEY TALK MOSTLY ABOUT
CRACK COCAINE ON THEIR 15 HOUR
FLIGHT.
[LAUGHTER]
ON AIR FORCE TO GO.
NOW WE KNOW THAT STORY IS AS
FULL AS JOE’S TEETH.
HE KNEW WHAT HUNTER WAS UP TO,
TRYING TO MAKE IT RAIN WITH
MULTIMILLION DOLLAR CHINESE
COMPANIES VEHICLE AFTER SEEING
"THE NEW YORK TIMES" PIECE ABOUT
CHINESE CORRUPTION ONLINE, JOE
CALLED HUNTER AND TOLD HIM IT
WAS ALL COOL.
>> A CHANCE, GIVE ME A CALL,
JUST WANT TO TALK TO YOU.
I SAW THE ARTICLE, IT’S GOING TO
BE PRINTED TOMORROW IN "THE
TIMES."
>> Greg: CLEAR.
THOSE WERE THE DAYS.
BUTWHEN JOE COULD STILL PRONOUNC
WORDS.
[LAUGHTER]
I CALL THAT CALL A SMOKING GUN,
BUT THEN HUNTER WOULD TRY TO
PROFIT.
SO, WHAT’S THAT SAY, REALLY?
THAT THE PRESIDENT’S DENIAL WERE
MORE FULL OF [BLEEP] THAN HIS
TOILET AT TACO BELL.
HE DID DISCUSS HUNTER’S SHADY
DEALINGS WITH HIS SON, AND HE
KNEW ENOUGH FROM HUNTER TO WORRY
ABOUT THIS "NEW YORK TIMES"
PIECE BECAUSE THE PIECE FEATURED
CERTAIN SHADY PEOPLE HUNTER WAS
TRYING TO DO BUSINESS WITH USING
HIS DADDY’S NAME.
SO WHILE THE MEDIAN EVERYONE
CHASING THE STEELE DOSSIER,
WHICH INVOLVED MADE UP RUSSIAN
PROSTITUTES AND DONALD TRUMP’S
BEDSHEETS PAVED WITH GOLD, --
THAT COME ACCORDING TO
"THE WASHINGTON TIMES."
IT APPEARS PRESIDENT BIDEN PAID
FOR HIS SON’S FROLIC WITH AN
ESCORT RING BASED IN RUSSIA
BEFORE HE AND PRESIDENT.
I’VE GOT TO SAY, WHAT A COOL DAD
DAD.
ALL MY DAD GOT ME WAS A BASEBALL
GLOVE AND A SCHWINN.
DON’T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THE
GLOVE AND THE BIKE, BUT IT IS NO
HOOKERS.
DAD.
NO WONDER I STOPPED GROWING.
[LAUGHTER]
EVERYBODY AT MY BLOCKED OUT
HOOKERS.
I GOT A BIKE.
ANYWAY, IT IS BEING REPORTED JOE
PAID FOR THE SEX INADVERTENTLY,
BUT DOESN’T JOE DO EVERYTHING
INADVERTENTLY?
HE IS THE MR. MAGOO OF
PRESIDENTS.
THE GUY IS SO CLUELESS, PEOPLE
FROM HIS SON TO WOKENESS
STAFFERS CAN RUN SCANS SCAMS ON
HIM FROM MORNING TO NIGHT.
EVEN THE TEENS AT BASKIN-ROBBINS
HAVE BEEN PUTTING MAYONNAISE IN
HIS ICE-CREAM CONE.
I’M SURE JOE IS THE ONLY PERSON
WHO ACTUALLY RETURNED A PHONE
CALL ABOUT HIS LAST CAR
INSURANCE.
IN HIS CASE, "THE TIMES" REPORTS
JOE WIRED HIS SON 100 GRAND TO
PLAY BILLS FROM DECEMBER 2,018TH
THAT IS SIX FIGURES IN JUST A
FEW MONTHS.
BUT IN FAIRNESS TO HUNTER, YOU KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE ORGANIC KALE,
KNOW HOW EXPENSIVE ORGANIC KALE,
EGGS, AND CHICKEN IS AND ALSO,
THERE IS THE WHORES, THEY ARE
MORE EXPENSIVE THAN GLUTEN FREE
BOXED WATER, WHICH IS WHY I CUT
BACK ON THE WATER.
BUT IT MAKES YOU VIEW THE
STEELE DOSSIER IN A DIFFERENT
LIGHT.
NOW DO YOU SEE WHY IT WAS PUSHED
SO HARD AND WHY THE PRESS
REFUSED TO LET IT GO?
IT WAS ALL A DIVERSION FROM THE
REAL STUFF, THIS STUFF, THE
DOSSIER WAS A DECOY FROM THE
REAL SEX SCANDAL, WHICH HAS
ALWAYS BEEN A TYPICAL DEMOCRATIC
STRATEGY.
IF THEY ARE GUILTY OF SOMETHING
BAD, THEY WILL ACCUSE YOU OF IT
FIRST.
WELL BEFORE YOU HAD TIME TO
FIGURE IT OUT IT WAS THEM DOING
IT ALL ALONG.
IT IS WHY I KEEP ACCUSING MY
WIFE OF WEARING MY UNDERWEAR.
[LAUGHTER]
THAT MEANS HE IS WEARING HER
UNDERWEAR.
GOOD JOB, COLOMBO.
SO WHILE DEMOCRATS AND MEDIA
OBSESS OVER ONE DAY IN JANUARY,
THEY DON’T WANT YOU INTERESTED
IN HOW THOSE PROTESTERS ENDED UP
THERE.
WHY THEY WERE ANGRY.
THAT IS A ROUTE BECAUSE THEY
WON’T CHASE BECAUSE IT LEADS
RIGHT BACK TO THEM AND THEIR
CORRUPTION AND THEIR COLLUSION.
JANUARY 6TH CAME FROM A SENSE WE
WERE ALL BEING SCREWED BY
INSTITUTIONS WORKING TOGETHER.
IN WHAT "TIME" MAGAZINE HAPPILY
CALLED A CABAL.
REMEMBER, THEY BOASTED ABOUT
SWING THE ELECTION AFTERWARDS.
SO MANY OF THE PROTESTERS
BEHAVED BADLY, THEY BROKE THE
LAW AND WILL PAY FOR IT COME UP
WITH THE OVERARCHING INSTINCT
ABOUT SAVING THE COUNTRY FROM A
CORRUPT SYSTEM IS THE PRODUCT OF
SANITY.
THAT IS WHY THE HUNTER BIDEN
LAPTOP STORY SCARES THE MEDIA SO
MUCH.
WHICH PROVES SO MANY PEOPLE
WRITE.
IT WAS A BOMBSHELL STORY BURIED
UNDER MUTUAL AGREEMENT BETWEEN
THE MOST POWERFUL ENTITIES IN
AMERICA.
AND IF YOU PROP THE STORY UP, HE
WOULD BE FIT FOR A TINFOIL HAT
IN MINUTES, THROWN OFF
SOCIAL MEDIA AND LABELED A
CONSPIRACY THEORIST, AND THE
GOAL TO GET THE GUY OUT AND
BRING IN THE FEEBLE OLD MAN THEY
COULD CONTROL FROM BEHIND THE
SCENES LIKE A HUMAN DRONE.
ALL IT TAKES IS A FEW CARTS AND
PALLETS OF DEFENSE.
THE AVIATOR GLASSES ARE TO HIDE
WHEN HE IS UNCONSCIOUS.
SO, THE REST OF IT IS HISTORY.
CORRUPT, INSANE HISTORY THAT LED
TO THIS FORCE-FEEDING OF JANUARY
OFFER MORE RINOS THAN AN AFRICAN
SAFARI.
SUDDENLY THE HEARING BECOMES
PART OF THE BIGGER PICTURE.
IT IS NOT INVESTIGATION, IT IS
THE CHERRY ON A CORRUPT CAKE
AFTER FOUR YEARS OF FATE
COLLUSION, ATTACKS ON TRUMP
SUPPORTERS, BRANDING MILLIONS IS
DEPLORABLY RACIST, PILE AFTER
PILE OF FAKE NEWS, THIS WAS THE
COUP DE GRACE, WHICH I THINK IS
FRENCH FOR "A KICK IN THE
BALLS," WHICH IS SOMETHING
HUNTER PROBABLY ORDERED, AND HIS
DAD ENDED UP PAYING FOR.
LET’S WELCOME TONIGHT’S GUESTS.
HE WILL MAKE PELOSI’S SOB WHEN
HE TAKES HER JOB, HOUSE MINORITY
LEADER KEVIN McCARTHY!
[APPLAUSE]
WE HAVE TO MAKE THIS SHOW QUICK
BECAUSE HER TRACTOR IS DOUBLE
PARKED OUT FRONT.
FOX BUSINESS ANCHOR
DAGEN McDOWELL.
AND HE IS OFTEN MISTAKEN FOR A
MAGICIAN SINCE HIS BACK TO MAKE
AUDIENCES DISAPPEAR.
ACTOR, WRITER, COMEDIAN JAMIE
LEWIS POWELL!
AND SHE IS LIKE A SET OF CAR
KEYS, SMALL, SHARP, GETS LOST IN
YOUR SOFA, FOX NEWS CONTRIBUTOR
KAT TIMPF.
[APPLAUSE]
LEADER McCARTHY, ARE YOU NUTS
COMING ON THIS SHOW?
ARE YOU ALREADY REGRETTING IT?
DO YOU FEEL PERHAPS THE ADVICE
GIVEN TO YOU TO DO THIS SHOW WAS
BAD ADVICE?
>> NO ONE GAVE ME ADVICE TO DO
IT, THAT IS THE PROBLEM.
MY DAUGHTER TEXTED ME BEFORE, I
GOT A TEXT FROM MY DAUGHTER, SHE
SAID, "I THINK WE SHOULD TALK
BEFORE YOU GO ON THE SHOW."
NO, IT IS A TRUE TEXT.
>> Greg: DID SHE GIVE YOU ANY
ADVICE?
>> SHE SAID DON’T TRY TO BE
FUNNY.
>> GOOD ADVICE.
>> Greg: THE BEST ADVICE
ANYBODY COULD GIVE ANYBODY,
WHETHER YOU ARE FUNNY OR NOT.
WE HAVE HAD GUESTS THAT COME ON
HERE AND THINK THEY ARE FUNNY,
AND IT IS PAINFUL.
I MEAN, JAMIE.
[LAUGHTER]
BUT YOU KNOW, HE IS PART OF THE
MAKE-A-WISH FOUNDATION, SO WE
HAVE TO -- THE PROBLEM IS HE’S
NOT DYING.
>> YOU WERE TOLD A YEAR AGO.
>> Greg: THE FOUNDATION, THEY
JUST FELT BAD.
SO HE GETS TO GO TO DISNEYLAND
TO DO THIS SHOW.
WHY ARE WE HAZING YOU?
YOU BECOME SPEAKER, DO WE DO
ANYTHING -- DO WE, I SAY WE,
PEOPLE UPSET ABOUT HUNTER?
IS THERE SOME KIND OF
INVESTIGATION THAT WILL TAKE
PLACE?
>> THERE HAS TO BE FOR ALL
PURPOSES, RIGHT?
BUT WHEN YOU READ, IT IS FUNNY
BUT IT IS SAD, THINK ABOUT IT,
IT WAS GOVERNMENT, IT WAS SOCIAL
NETWORKS, IT WAS NEWSPAPERS, ALL
SAYING THIS WAS WRONG, AND THEN
YOU ALSO HAD THE HEAD OF THE
INTEL COMMITTEE, THINK ABOUT
THIS, ADAM SCHIFF, THIS IS A GUY
THAT GETS ALL THE SECRETS,
THAT’S OUT THERE AND TOLD US
THIS WAS ALL FOR US.
YOU HAVE TO MAKE A JOKE, YEAH, I
UNDERSTAND WHY THE PRESIDENT
THINKS HIS SON IS THE SMARTEST
MAN IN THE WORLD, HE GOT HIS
FATHER TO TO PAY FOR THE HOOKERS
>> Greg: THAT A SMART.
>> THAN HE GOT THE WHOLE COUNTRY
TO PROTECT HIM AT THE SAME TIME.
COULD YOU IMAGINE IF
DONALD TRUMP COME ANY ONE OF HIS
KIDS DID ONE-TENTH OF ONE THING
LIKE THAT?
>> Greg: IT’S INCREDIBLE.
THEY WOULD HAVE HEARINGS ON THAT
WHICH LEADS ME TO MY FANTASY --
AND IT IS A FANTASY, DAVID, NOT
THE ONE I TOLD YOU ABOUT EARLIER
EARLIER.
BETWEEN YOU AND ME.
AND HR.
WE ARE ON LIKE OUR SECOND WEEK
OF JANUARY 6TH.
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH MORE
INTERESTING A TWO-WEEK HEARING
WOULD BE ON HUNTER BIDEN?
DO YOU KNOW THE NUMBERS WOULD BE
HUGE.
>> YEAH.
>> Greg: YOU GOT CRACKED,
YOU’VE GOT METH, YOU’VE GOT SEX,
YOU’VE GOT TERRIBLE TATTOOS.
>> IF Y’ALL DO HEARINGS, ALL I
ASK IS YOU USE A SCREEN ABOUT
THE SIZE OF THIS ROOM.
AND YOU DON’T BLUR ANYTHING OUT.
BECAUSE I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO
LOOK UP ON-BLURRED PHOTOS OF
HUNTER BIDEN HERE AT WORK.
>> REMEMBER, THE DEMOCRATS HIRED
THIS GUY FROM ABC.
TWO YEARS PRIOR SENT A LETTER
BECAUSE THIS IS THE SAME MAN
THAT KEPT ALL THE STUFF ABOUT
EPSTEIN QUIET.
SO I FIGURE IF WE HAVE THESE
HEARINGS, WE HIRED GREG.
>> Greg: THERE YOU GO.
[APPLAUSE]
I ALREADY GOT A JOB.
>> TO YOUR POINT, WHY DON’T MORE
PEOPLE VOLUNTEER FOR THE
HUNTER BIDEN BEAT?
I PUT MY HAND UP RIGHT NOW.
>> Greg: YES.
>> I AM FLUENT IN SCUMBAG, I
HAVE LEARNED HOW TO SPEAK IT IN
MY 20s.
AND I LOVE DUMPSTER DIVING
BEHIND SOMEBODY’S HOUSE.
YOU KNOW, GOING THROUGH
SOMEBODY’S GARBAGE IS NOT
BENEATH ME.
AND CAN YOU IMAGINE WHAT YOU
WOULD FIND IN HUNTER BIDEN’S
GARBAGE?
LIKE A CRUMPLED UP $20 BILLS, A
SET OF CAR KEYS,.
>> Greg: LITERALLY A GUN.
OKAY, JAMIE, IS A RECENTLY
DIVORCED MAN, I KNOW YOU LIVE
THE LIFE OF HUNTER BIDEN.
>> BUT I FEEL LIKE HE NEEDS TO
DO A LITTLE MORE PRICE SHOPPING.
THAT IS A LOT OF MONEY FOR
ESCORTS.
IT WAS LIKE $30,000.
THAT IS MORE THAN IT COSTS THAT
I HAVE EVER SPENT ON ESCORT, AND
I USED TO OWN A FORD ESCORT.
THAT’S A LOT OF MONEY.
>> Greg: SPENT A LOT OF TIME
INSIDE THAT.
>> I DID SPEND A LOT OF TIME.
>> IF YOU WORK IT OUT OVER FIVE
MONTHS, IT IS NOT THAT MUCH
MONEY.
HE IS ONLY HIRING AN ESCORT TO
AND A HALF TIMES A WEEK.
>> Greg: THAT IS NOT EVEN
CLOSE TO MY RECORD.
>> IT’S JUST, I FEEL A LITTLE
BAD FOR JOE, HE IS GETTING
COMPLETELY TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF.
WHEN HUNTER SAYS HE IS USING THE
HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS FOR
BILLS, THE ONLY WAY THAT IS TRUE
IS IF HUNTER HAS A TWO PIMPS,
EACH ONE OF THEM NAMED BILL.
[LAUGHTER]
>> Greg: THAT WAS GOOD.
>> HE WAS GIVING HIM AN
ALLOWANCE OF LIKE $7500 A WEEK.
BUT BEFORE WE ARE SO QUICK TO
JUDGE, MAYBE HE WAS DOING REALLY
BIG CHORES.
>> Greg: THAT’S TRUE.
A BIG LAWN IN DELAWARE.
>> MAYBE HE WAS ON CIPHER DUTY.
>> NO ONE HAS ASKED HIM WITH
INFLATION HOW MUCH MORE HE HAS
TO GET.
BECOME PRESIDENT, WHAT DOES IT
COST HUNTER BIDEN?
>> Greg: HUNTER BIDEN
EXPLAINING THE INFLATION RATE ON
PAID ESCORTS VEHICLE BECAUSE IT
IS GOING UP, AM I RIGHT, KAT?
>> YEP.
>> Greg: ALMOST WENT INTO A
DANGER ZONE THERE.
DID YOU NOTICE COME HE FILMED
EVERYTHING, DID YOU SEE THE TWO
MINUTE CLIP OF HIM BROWBEATING A
PAID ESCORT AS HE PAINT PAID HER
DO YOU HAVE ANY BRUISES?
IT WAS SO PATHOLOGICAL AND
STRANGE.
WHAT DO YOU MAKE OF THIS WEIRD
OBSESSION OF FILMING EVERYTHING?
BECO NOT MUCH.
I DON’T KNOW, THERE IS PROBABLY
SO MUCH MORE BUT AT THIS POINT,
WHAT COULD THERE BE?
WE WOULD BE LIKE, WHOA...
WE HAVE ALREADY SEEN HIM DO
EVERYTHING.
AND AGAIN, IT IS NOT THE STUFF
THAT BOTHERS ME.
I DON’T CARE HOW MANY HOOKERS
YOU BANG, I DON’T CARE WHO PAYS
FOR THE HOOKERS THAT HE BANGS,
YOU KNOW, I WOULDN’T DO IT,
BUT --
>> Greg: GOOD FOR YOU.
>> I DON’T EVEN KNOW HIM, SO --
>> Greg: [LAUGHS]
EXACTLY.
>> BUT IT IS THE CORRUPTION
STUFF THAT IS THE CONCERNING
STUFF, AND I THINK IT IS SO
INTERESTING THAT JOE BIDEN IS SO
OLD, HE GOT BUSTED BECAUSE HE
LEFT A VOICE MAIL.
[LAUGHTER]
>> CAN I ADD SOMETHING TO THAT?
>> WHO LEAVES A VOICE MAIL?
>> WHY DID HUNTER SAVE THAT
VOICE MAIL FROM HIS DAD?
>> Greg: WHY DOES HE SAVE
EVERYTHING?
I’M NOT KIDDING, WHY WOULD
YOU -- I GET -- OKAY, YOU ARE A
PERVERT, YOU FILMED THE CRAZY
SEX, YOU DON’T FILM THE PAYING.
>> HE FORGOT TO TURN OFF THE
CAMERA.
>> Greg: THAT’S PROBABLY IT.
BUT IF HE WAS INTO IT?
THE BEST PART IS PAYING THEM
OFF, WATCH THIS.
LET’S REWIND THAT PART.
HAND THE MONEY.
>> KAT WAS RIGHT, HE DID SOUND
OLD IN THE VOICE MAIL.
HE WAS LIKE "HUNTER, IT IS YOUR
DAD, PICK UP."
>> Greg: UP NEXT, THEY CAN’T