- Tonight I wanna talk about something
that you guys have been texting and commenting about.
I have two children
so I'd say I'm pretty good at getting pregnant,
but a lot of you out there are trying and struggling,
so I wanna talk about that tonight.
Tonight's topic is the worst things about
trying to get pregnant.
If it was just about like having sex,
we would not have an episode about this.
So first, it gets way too clinical.
When most people think of conceiving a child,
their thought is like oh you get married
and you go on a honeymoon, and you just make one,
and that's not how it happens
a lot of the time for a lot of couples.
You want your child to be conceived
in this natural environment of like warmth,
and love, and happiness,
and when you're charting ovulation,
and you're like literally using a calender
to figure out the best day to make a baby,
it takes a lot of the romance out of it
which is discouraging.
Especially if it does not work out
for you the first couple of months,
it turns into this like peeing on a lot of sticks,
scheduling sex, monitoring your diet,
monitoring your partner's diet,
having to wait which is such an annoying part of it
because that's the way you know
if that whole month was a success or a waste.
So while I know it can get into this cycle of like
non-romance, kind of clinical,
try to have as much fun with it as you possibly can,
and just make the most of the situation at hand.
And at least you're getting some you know?
Like...
You're having sex (giggles).
So next, the jealousy.
I have the most insane baby fever right
and I mean insane because now is not a reasonable time
for me to have a child -
I have two beautiful children already -
and it just so happens that most of my friends are pregnant.
And they're all posting pictures of their cribs
that they're setting up in their nursery
and their bump progress photos,
and their gender reveal, and all that shit.
And I'm just like fuck you!
I love you but fuck you, I'm so jealous.
What we all need to realize is that
this person is not taking anything away from you.
It's not like their child is the child
that you could've had.
So while the jealousy is real,
don't try to steal it 'cause I know they smell really nice,
and like you might be tempted
but I thought this through and it's just not gonna work.
You don't want to live your life on the run
as good as their heads smell.
Next, you become hyper aware of your body.
Every little blip feels like something
and you become this like hypochondriac of sorts.
So like for me,
I would have like a little gas bubble
and be like I think the baby's kicking.
But it's like no, I don't even know if I'm pregnant;
like it's gas (chuckles).
And it doesn't help that pregnancy symptoms
are the same as period symptoms
because you're bloated, you're moody,
you know you have a little bit of cramping.
All that stuff like is either period or baby!
But there's just no way of knowing which one it is,
so you end up constantly convincing yourself
that you're pregnant.
But I've had friends tell me, "I'm pregnant.
I'm absolutely pregnant.
I pushed my boob a bunch of times and it hurt."
And I'm like no you just,
you pushed your boob until it hurt.
I feel like there's gotta be a better solution for this.
Like why don't our belly buttons
just like pop out or something.
Like what is a, it's like a turkey thermometer,
like pregnant!
Oh my switch flipped, there we go.
So next, April Fools.
I don't know who started this trend of
just an announcement, we're expecting,
and it's like a piece of food on an ultrasound
that's not funny!
First of all, it's so overdone,
it's so stupid, and it's very insensitive,
and it really bums people out
who are trying to conceive and are unable to.
So if you're thinking about doing
a pregnancy announcement on April Fool's,
it's been done.
There are way better ideas.
You come see me later.
I will give you like 10 gold April Fool's jokes.
That's all you need to know.
And last, unsolicited advice.
I don't know what it is about people
who encounter someone who's trying
and they decide to just blurt out all this stupid shit.
But I've heard the weirdest stuff
when it comes to trying to conceive like,
oh you gotta do it everyday.
Oh just do it everyday?
Okay that's fine if you're trying for like two weeks,
but have you tried doing it everyday
for a fucking year?
Do you know how sore you would be?
(laughs)
Like that's just not possible.
The best piece of advice is
when you stop trying is when it's gonna happen.
Like what do you mean by stop trying?
You mean when you stop having sex?
I don't know if you didn't take human development in school,
but you can't just stop having sex
and then magically get pregnant.
It's not how it works.
And I'm realizing that I'm a total hypocrite
like making a whole video giving advice.
I'm just trying to help you through it
as a person who's been through it.
I'm just trying to create a safe space for it.
When you look into your child's eyes
you're not going to remember like the sticks you peed on,
or the blood tests you took,
or the doctor's visits you had to do,
and like whatever process it took.
Whether it was conceiving or IVF, or adoption,
none of that matters.
And however it happens,
I hope it does happen for you and when it does,
it's going to be everything.
So to all of you out there who are trying,
may your conception be fruitful
like this wine of grapes.
So that's all I've got for today.
I'm Hannah, your friendly neighborhood wine mom
and if there's a topic you want me
to talk about in a future episode,
or any experience you have with trying to conceive,
leave it in the comments
or you can always text me.
I don't always respond but I read every single one.
I'd love to hear what you guys want me to talk about
and I love hearing your personal stories.
And in the mean time, I'm gonna go on Facebook
and look at all my friend's pictures
of their newborns to feel my baby fever.
Till next time.
(whines) They're so cute.
Oh my god they're so little.
It's not fair.
*sighs*
Oh my god.