*intro music*
Sarge: Ahem. Hey, Blues.
I think it's time we all had ourselves a little talk.
Tucker: If this is the sex talk, I'd love to make a contribution to the discussion.
Sarge: This is not the sex talk.
Tucker: Oh...*lowers his head*
Sarge: Me and the boys have been talking, and we think that now is the right time to make our big move!
Washington: What are you talking about?
Sarge: Gentlemen, it's high time we made ourselves a Red vs Blue movie!
Blues: *look at each other before looking back at Sarge*
Washington: But...we do that every year.
Sarge: No! Not some straight-to-DVD nonsense!
I'm talking about a genuine summer blockbuster!
Tucker: Hey, I like the sound of that!
Washington: Okay...what did you have in mind? What's the story?
Sarge: Heh, heh, story?
I said 'blockbuster', Spielberg. Story should be the last thing on our minds.
Washington: Then, what's it going to be about?
Sarge: Excellent question, unit production manager Washington!
Which is why I've taken this moment to prepare an incredibly expensive, cinematic movie trailer!
Lopez, get the lights.
Lopez 2.0: *turn off the lights*
Caboose:*looks around before looking at the camera* Hello!
Grif: Hey.
Simmons: Yeah?
Grif: You ever wonder why we're here?
Sarge: It's funny. I ask myself the same question every day.
Wash: The world is changing, gentlemen.
I'm just the man suggesting we change it in our favor
Sarge: My pappy once told me...
"Son, don't ever...
"Son, don't ever...ever...
"Son, don't ever... ever... EVER trust a Blue."
Caboose: Did you believe him?
Donut: Sarge! Sarge!
Sarge: *runs to a radio* I'm here, son!
Donut: Sarge, there's people at the door!
They're trying to get in!
They're in blue armor!
Sarge: My god.
*door breaks* Tucker: There he is!
Caboose: Get him!
Donut: I'm scared!
Sarge: This ain't the same game anymore
Sarge: They've changed the rules.
Grif: We've gotta do something!
Sarge: Son...
the only thing I've got to do, is stay Red...
...and die.
Simmons: Our people need a hero!
Someone who's brave and also handsome!
Washington: Who is this guy?!
Tucker: He's a nobody. A loser.
Washington: Then why haven't you stopped him?!
Grif: *surrounded by the Blues* He loves blood and violence.
He's got a boner for murder.
And he's coming for you.
Caboose: *to random Blue soldiers* We are the Blue Army!
We are the antagonists of this film!
Washington: *circles Sarge* You think you can win?!
You think this story has a happy ending?!
I WILL BREAK YOU!!!
Simmons: Noooooo.....
Grif: They've got a tank!
Sarge: We've got to steal the Declaration of Independence!
Caboose: The secret code is "The Mona Lisa"!
Washington: KILL HIM!
Sarge: It's over, Washington!
Wash: NO!
This...
is only the beginning!!
Grif: It's two bases standing in the middle of a box canyon.
How bad could it be?
Freckles: *appears out of some boxes* *fires his guns*
Sarge: Ehh, stupid Grif...
Lopez 2.0: *turns the lights back on*
Sarge: So, is that an Oscar winner or what?!
Washington: Was that...
how did you get me in the trailer?
Grif: Ahem.
Grif: It's called 'acting', Wash.
You should try it sometime.
Wash: I'm going to burn your camera equipment. *runs off*
Sarge: Wait!
We're not done with principal photography!
*runs after Washington* We're not even done with VICE-principal photography
Simmons: But guys, this isn't just a movie.
This is our calling.
Our mission.
Our...
Sarge: Shut up, Simmons!
Simmons: *sighs* Yes, sir.
Caboose: Um, Freckles?
Was that you at the end of the movie trailer?
Freckles: He said he was going to make me a star.