We really have to swim at some point.
I need a break.
You need a break? Look. You realize that we need to keep swimming. otherwise we die.
Why, why do you always start with that? if we don't swim we die, that's an urban myth.
That is a scientific fact, it is well documented.
I am fine, ok?
You're fine? Can I help you with something?
I'm just making a small talk, you seem a little down.
I am. I mean what is the point of my life.
The point?
Swim, eat, sleep, that's all I do.
It sounds amazing.
Really? I mean, don't you want variety, I mean...
What about mating? That's something we do.
Have you ever had sex with a female shark?
Yeah, are you kidding? What are you asking me that for. It's crazy talk.
Yeah well it's not fun. It is. Their skin is incredibly rough and their bodies look identical to ours.
You have never gotten confused and taken a shot at another fella?
Whatever, let's not, let's get off this.This is really... You're upsetting to talk to.
Plus, I'm not sure, I wanna bring kids into this world.
Now, why would you say that?
There so many bad things going on, you know, non-shark things.
You talking about whales?
No, I don't mean whales, why is everybody talks about whales? Cause they can sing?
I mean people, human beings.
What's wrong with them again? I'm out of the loop I have to admit.
What's wrong with... What did they do? ... human beings?What did they do?
You have not heard they dump garbage and sewage into the ocean
They are slobs! They create oil spills and barely clean them up.
Ok. That's not good. Here you go they make shark fin soup.
They don't make shark fin soup.
And clam chowder, crab cakes, that ring a bell?
They murder crabs? They murder them and then make cakes at of them
That's a slap in the face. A slap in the face? Oh, my God! It's like John Wayne Gacy. Oh, my God!
They, they, they take a crab and make a cake out of them. How sick is that!
Well, you know, say lovey. Say lovey? What are you gonna do?
What are you gonna do? Here's what I'm gonna do.
I don't like where this is going.
I've been thinking, I'm gonna bite someone.
You're gonna bite someone?
Yes, I'm gonna bite someone.
Then I'm gonna kill him.
Cause of the crab cake issue?
Here's my plan. I use the biting incident as my platform to get my other views across.
Just stop, just stop talking.
When the media shows up, I give a brief dissertation about pollution over-fishing and offshore drilling.
Now, stay with me, don't go into your , don't go into your zone, where you don't wanna hear, ok?
Keep talking.
Then I swim away, everybody wins.
Nobody wins in that scenario.
Everybody wins.
No, very few people win.
What are you ...how many people have to win?
I'm begging you to not do this.
We never speak out. You sound crazy.
No, the sharks never speak out. Don't tell anyone this conversation happened.
But this will be the first dissertation from a shark.
Look me in the eye. Ok. I'm begging you to not do it.
Maybe, you're right. Who am I kidding? I'm not gonna bite someone.
I talked you out of it? It's amazing.
I guess I realize it's just crazy talk.
Thanks for talking some sense into me.
Three minutes later
Help, shark!
Relax, will you?
Relax? You just tried to kill me, dude! I'm bleeding to death here.
Oh, stop with the blood. Look, let's make this quick.
I'll let you swim back to shore if you do me a favour.
Ok.
Now, hear me out. It's a little unorthodox I have some environmental issues I'd like to bring to the forefront
Yes, when the media arrive, I'd like for us to stand side-by-side and read a prepared statement.
This is a bizarre shark attack.
I know it's a lot to ask... Alright... but here's what I wanna say.
Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of all the animals in the ocean.
please, stop dumping your garbage and sewage here.
Yes, also do not be so cavalier about offshore drilling, because your track record is not exactly hot.
True.
Thank you. And finally please tell China to stop making shark fin soup. It's an absurd name for a soup
and its ruining our ecosystem. Thank you and good night.
That's good.
Really, not too... It's good... not too preachy? No.
Thank you so much, because I don't get a lot of support underneath.
Oh, oh, there's the media, here's the media. It's happening. How do I look?
Fine, standard shark appearance, you know.
I'm gonna ignore that comment, because this is a big moment for me.
Okay, here we go.
Good luck, man.
Well, thank you. Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of...
Oh no! Oh no! Wow! Wow! Wow!
Nice, a shark wants to say a few words and you harpoon him in a face, real classic.
Can I do anything? You wanna pull it out?
No, no, this is it for me, just promise to continue my legacy, will you read the speech after I'm gone?
Yes, yes, of course.
Just do your best, my work is done.
Sir, you appear to be talking to the shark, what he saying?
Honestly, I can't remember.
It was something about soup.
Very weird shark.
I'm going to bite someone.