Are you ready to become a better communicator? Some tips for positive
communication today on Live on Purpose TV.
Positive communication takes us right back to the basic model of communication.
It starts with a sender and the receiver. Any communication requires both. The
sender is where the message originates, it's going to the receiver. So, let's say
that the sender has message "A" in mind. Whatever "A" represents. This is the
message that needs to get through to the receiver. Before the message can even be
sent to the receiver, it has to be encoded. Encoding is the process by which
"A" gets translated into some kind of a communicable code. Language is probably
the most prevalent example. We're speaking English here today. That's a
code. If it doesn't seem like a code, then it's probably your native language. Those
who try to learn English, oh yeah, this is challenging. And if you speak the
foreign language, you know what I'm talking about, different codes are used
for different things. Now, we're using language to communicate in this example.
Now, the encoding puts it into the code and then that gets transmitted across to
the receiver. Well, before the receiver can pick it up, it has to be decoded. This
decoding process assumes that the receiver already knows the code.
( Speaking Finnish language )
Oh, sorry. Switched codes on you. Those of you who are my Finnish friends
understood that. Finnish is another language, another code. If you didn't
understand what I just said, it's because you don't have the
decoder installed for Finnish. So, you can see both the encoding and the
decoding are important. Before it even gets to the receiver, the message has to
travel through this big cloud in the middle. And I label this cloud noise. It
could be physical noise like a jackhammer or a stereo blaring or
someone talking in the room. It could be mental noise. You know, all of that noise
that's going on in your head all the time. It's the thoughts that you're
having while I'm trying to talk to you here. It's causing noise which interferes
with the signal getting across. It can also be history or it can be background
or it can be experiences or it can be gender it can be culture it can be any
kind of thing that gets in the way of the signal actually giving clearly
transmitted. So, between the problems with the sender and the encoding and the
noise in between and the decoding process over here on the receiver end,
usually what happens is "A" becomes "B". Something totally different.
Our goal in communication is to make sure that "A" equals "A". Not anything else.
So, I've got 5 tips for you to help with the positive communication in light
of the model. First one has to do with your role as a receiver. Number 1,
listen. Listen more than you talk. Listen to understand. Listen and reflect back
what you're hearing to make sure that there's some understanding in place. You
listen, listen, listen. You've got two ears and one mouth. Let's kind of use them in
that ratio and see what happens. Now, I mentioned you listen to understand
leads us to tip number 2. Seek to understand rather than to agree. Seek to
understand. This is our whole goal. A lot of people get tipped over some of the
noise, actually, that happens on the receiver end of things is this sense
that. "Well, if I show them that I understand, they're going to think I agree
with them." Okay, quit stressing about that and just get on to the goal of
understanding. Understanding and agreeing are not the same thing. So, pay attention
to make sure that "A" equals "A". That's our whole goal. When you are the sender, you
will express to be understood. That means you're not trying to persuade or
convince or change someone's mind about something.
You are simply encoding this thing in a way that makes it most likely to be
understood. Pay attention to your body language. Make sure that you are using
the language that is understood by the receiver. That there's a decoder already
installed in your audience. Positive communication tip number 3, stay
focused on your audience. Here's what I mean by that. Your focus is going to be
consumed with something. Is your focus on yourself?
Is it on how you feel? Or is it on how other people are feeling? We did another
video here called, "How to get people to open up to you?" Take a look at that one
to get some ideas about how to keep that focus on other people rather than
yourself. This really enhances communication.
Strategy number 4, maintain appropriate contact. Now, I could have
said eye contact here, which is one form of contact. But there are other forms of
contact that will help to increase the efficiency of your communication and
make sure that "A" equals "A". For example, your facial expressions.
I'm thinking of this as part of what I mean by maintain appropriate contact. Do
you know how when sometimes you're talking to someone and the lights are on
but nobody's home. It's like they're, you know, gazing off into space or something.
You know, there's no contact there. When you're listening particularly and also
when you're the sender. Maintain contact, stay here, stay focused. Appropriate eye
contact as part of that. But your facial expressions, your gestures, your body
language, all of that is going to help you to maintain appropriate contact. And
positive communication tip number 5, smile. Be positive, say "yes". There's some
magic in the word yes. Even if you don't agree or don't think you agree. To
respond with "yes" means I'm listening, I'm connected to you. Get to yes, keep it
positive, keep the smiles there. It creates an energy in the communication
that actually makes it more likely that "A" will equal "A". You've got this. When I
see a new video that I really enjoy, I always want to share it with someone. Who
would you like to share this video with?
I saw standing in this