- Literally eating a salad,
they're like, "You're, like, gonna have a heart attack."
I'm like, "You know nothing about me!"
(upbeat pop music)
- Today we will be answering questions about us,
plus-size people, that you might be too afraid to ask!
- When you don't fit into society's beauty standards,
there are so many misconceptions about you.
People tend to think that we're lazy
or that we don't care for ourselves.
- People really think these things, and I'm like, hello?
- You know what?
I'm a bad (bleep) regardless. - You are.
- So let's open up your minds to see what the truth is.
- [Jazzmyne] Question number one.
This is a good one.
- How do you feel about the term plus-size versus fat?
Plus-size, usually, I see it as
the term that I refer to when I'm talking about fashion,
and fat is when I'm talking about myself and my body.
Personally for me, both words are just a descriptor.
- I've been calling myself the fat Rihanna
for like the last,
(laughing) two and a half, three years.
I'm not walkin' around sayin' that fat means
what y'all have deemed it to mean.
- Fat is good.
If you are a plus-sized person
who's uncomfortable with the word fat,
I obviously have empathy for you and I understand why.
If you're a straight sized person who's like,
"Euh, fat is bad."
That's fat phobia and you have to get over it.
- The fear of fatness that lives in society.
The moment you take it, people are like,
"No, no you're not fat, you're plus--"
Like, no, I'm fat.
And I'm successful.
I'm all off this, I'm all of that.
- The opportunities I got, I was still fat.
And it has not stopped anything.
The hoes still run every summer
to this big belly and this fat ass.
- [Jazzmyne] Do you feel defined by your size?
- Personally, I don't think I'm defined by my size
but I feel like strangers and others define me by my size.
They see me, they see my body,
and they already have assumptions.
- Sometimes I feel like people categorize me
in the Black Mammy stereotype.
- Ah.
- People treat me like I'm their mom because I'm a tall,
dark-skinned, plus-size woman,
so I'm just supposed to baby them
and be this asexual side character.
I had to learn how to become the main character
and I had to learn how to stand in my own truth.
- I'm trans and I think that being fat has really influenced
my gender in a lot of ways, too.
There is this expectation to be, like, hyper-gendered.
For plus-size women, you have to be like,
hyper-feminine to be desirable.
And for plus-size men, you have to be super rugged.
I think for plus-size trans people,
it gets very confusing.
- Sometimes I feel defined by my size
because of what society has made it.
Sometimes I just wanna walk down the street
in like, a wild outfit and not be like,
yes, girl, yes (beep), you're doin' it!
I just wanna walk down the street and be fat and hot.
- [Jordan] Do you imagine yourself
to be happier in a smaller body?
- No! - No!
- This question's rude.
- I feel like this idea comes from like,
fat people being a "failed skinny person".
- Yes!
- And it's not the case.
I don't dream of being a size zero,
I don't dream of looking like runway models.
I dream of being my happiest, fullest self in my way.
- The only time that I have ever wanted to be
a smaller body size I think was in high school.
Shopping, and going shopping with your friends
and finding an outfit in a physical store
was like a hot thing to do.
Stores often wouldn't have even XLs.
And if they were, they weren't cute,
really picked over, or just not my style.
- All I'm thinking about is
the amount of horribleness
I would have to put my body through
to become a skinny person.
Nothing healthy would create a thin person out of me.
And I would not be happier if I did those things!
I would be miserable!
- [Jazzmyne] How is your dating experience
compared to smaller friends?
- I would say, fine?
My smaller friends date a lot more assholes than I do.
- I'm telling you, I feel like being a plus-size person
helps you weed out the fat phobic people from the beginning.
- People don't like to be public with me,
love me undercover, text me on the low, DM me.
You know, your dad probably DM'ed me multiple times.
I'll hear people talk about their type,
and it's like the wispy white girl on the wave.
I'm also learning that those people just aren't for me.
- I did date a fat-phobe though.
- We all have.
- The last person I-- (talking over each other)
The last person I dated, during quarantine!
They hit it.
They hit it so well.
They hit it.
(beep)
- I have no problem getting people.
- Not even talking about relationships and dating,
but hookups? (claps)
- She's good.
Ya'll don't even want to know.
Terenaded.
- Darn. (laughing)
- Serenaded.
- [Jessica] Was there a big moment in your life
that changed how you felt about your body?
- There was this one specific point in college
where I was at a mall,
I was like, "Well none of this is gonna work on me."
I went into Claire's 'cause that's the only place
that had accessories.
I got some fake zebra print glasses.
I got this huge fake pink flower up put in my hair
and that's the first time that I was like,
"All right, we're gonna make it work."
Because you cannot not be you.
- First person that I dated in college
dumped me because I was fat.
When I was like, "Excuse me, I was fat since the beginning
"of the subscription.
"I don't know what you're talkin' about."
The way that I was thinking
at the beginning of the relationship,
is that I wanted to be upfront by him
and told that I was beautiful
so I put all my eggs in his basket
and thinking that he was going to make me feel
like a valued person,
and by him making me feel valued meant that I was.
And that's when I woke up and I said,
"I can no longer allow other people
"to give me the value that I need and deserve."
The moment that you discover the idea
that you don't have to hate yourself as a fat person,
your world literally crumbles down
and it discovers this whole paradise.
- There was one time you and I,
we were getting ready to go to this aces party, with Ryan
and I remember you were looking at me like,
"You're really beautiful."
And the way you said that,
changed my life.
- Aww, Joycie.
- Being your friend and meeting our other friends
was revolutionary for me
because I never had a community like that.
- I dated someone in high school
who was in eating disorder recovery.
They posted on Facebook and article about fat positivity
and body positivity, you know,
you don't have to treat your body this way.
And I was like, wow. (magical chiming)
That was when I stopped dieting.
Because I dieted from eight years old to say,
16.
I'm still friends with him.
I kinda think we're gonna get married.
(record scratches) Still.
- Oh! - To this day.
- Okay.
If they text you the next website can you give it to me?
Five, four, three, two-- (beep)
- [Jazzmyne] How does it feel to see plus-size models
and actors and actresses in the spotlight?
Do you feel like they're pandering to you?
- I am a plus-size model and actor.
I do both do those things.
Specifically in modeling,
I do often feel like a tool of capitalism.
- I agree with you and I thought the same thing,
but the other day I had this thought.
- Okay I'm ready.
- The fact that you just exist as a fat person,
is an act of rebellion
and the fact that you are a fat model,
it's just like the biggest middle finger
to society and diet culture.
- True, true!
- I would have loved to see the representation
that is out now, which isn't even phenomenal,
but it's more than I've had growing up.
- I don't feel pandered to.
I feel excited.
- That's what I needed when I was younger.
And that's why I try to put myself in the spotlight,
because I like to be the role model
that I needed when I was younger.
It would've saved me years of hating myself,
saved me years of self-harm,
saved me years of so much pain.
- I want to see more booty-shaking.
I want to see more plus-size women
and plus-size men in the spotlight.
It's so hot.
More, more.
I want more.
- Bring more plus-size people, please.
How do you feel with people talking negatively
about your body and how does it affect
your opinion on yourself?
- I had 2,000 hate comments on a TikTok two days ago.
And I'm like, "If I let that get to me,
"I wouldn't be able to go outside."
- I've been bullied for years, honey.
So there is nothing you could say
and there is nothing you could do
that would really affect me.
I just turn off my phone,
but I feel like the internet doesn't make me.
- 100%
- Depending on the day, I feel bad for myself,
but most of the times I end up feeling bad
for whoever left that comment.
Because I know that means more about them
than it does about me.
Hurt people hurt people.
- It's been like a roller coaster for me, honestly.
I've been on the internet for four or five years
and (bleep) sucks still.
Right now, my process for me,
is I will not comment on any negative comments
before I comment on every positive one.
I don't have that standard for other people.
I see one person saying (bleep),
I'm lookin' up your Facebook,
I'm writing a letter to your boss.
- I get those internalized fat phobia thoughts,
so a lot of times I let myself
sit with being just very angry.
- Wait, that's a game-changing thought for me.
You just changed my life.
- Because it's not our fault!
It's their fault.
They're hurting us.
- I love the idea of allowing myself to sit in the anger
and of those negative comments
so that I can let it go and not just
let it sink into my psyche little by little.
I love that. - Yeah!
- That just changed my life. (laughs)
- [Jazzmyne] Do people think that
you don't take care of yourself because of your size?
- Yeah, of course people think that!
Is it true?
- No! - No!
- Nobody needs to be monitoring anybody else's body.
- Be at home on my Peloton
and then the haters on TikTok are like,
"You're gonna die."
And I was like, (bleep) off!
you know nothing about me!
- At the end of the day, my skin is like velvet.
I smell good, I look good.
My booty's fat.
So when it comes to my body,
I've made so many amazing steps.
And I have done everything to create happiness for myself
so when people say, "You're not taking care of yourself
"because you're not thin."
You can write me a check.
Pay for the chef,
pay for the nutritionist.
- If you're on Instagram commenting on fat people,
stop telling them that they need to lose weight
and they need to get healthy.
That is systematically oppressive.
Fat phobia in general was built off of racism
to keep black women, specifically, down.
- Period.
- [Jessica] Do you overthink about going places,
like will the restaurant have high chairs and small booths,
or just regular tables, things like that?
Yes, because the world wasn't built for people my size
and I definitely have to make sure that I'm accommodated
and especially if I'm hanging out with my fat friends,
I want to make sure that everyone feels comfortable.
We all went out to have a good time.
- That actually happened at work, too,
where we had some chairs that were not comfortable
for anybody, in my opinion,
who was me or bigger.
We don't need anybody coming into a meeting room
feeling self-conscious about the chairs that are around.
So facilities took them away.
- Especially in New York, it's hard.
A lot of restaurants and bars are inaccessible.
You ever go to a bar and the bathroom is like--
- And half of your butt cheek is out.
- My fucking fat ass can't even literally fit in the stall.
- If you think about it,
and there are places that I know
that are more accessible,
and those are the places that I will go to intentionally.
- [Jazzmyne] What do you have to say to people
who think body confidence is normalizing obesity?
- Fat people have existed since the dawn of time.
We aren't normalizing.
We are normal.
- People are gonna be fat whether we normalize it or not.
Why don't we normalize taking care of ourselves mentally?
- You feel like, "I'm concerned for your health."
Where's your degree?
- I'm concerned about your health.
- We're not creating a new concept
and the fact that I post a selfie with my fat face
and my double chin does not mean
that I'm promoting everything.
I'm promoting how cute I am, though.
That's what I'm promoting.
- I'm gonna live
no matter what you say.
The thing with normalizing obesity,
you know what?
You're normalizing being a little do-do face.
Just 'cause I don't look like Anne Hathaway,
I'm unhealthy and I'm promoting something?
No, I'm sorry.
- I (bleep) love Anne.
- Me too.
- [Jessica] Do you think society is making any progress
as far as how we perceive beauty standards?
- I would say it's kind of a toss up.
I love that everyone is celebrating
and supporting your body,
and I want everyone to love themselves
and feel good in their skin.
I just think sometimes it takes a step back
because it does what a lot of movements does
and once it becomes to the market,
it suddenly erases the community where it came from.
LGBTQ, Fem, Black and Brown and indigenous bodies.
- Absolutely not.
What may be trending at the moment
is someone a little bit more cooler,
but give it a couple years
and there's gonna be a new body type
and as long as we still keep subscribing to this idea
of what a body should look like,
we're never gonna be okay in society.
- I do think we are making progress.
A lot of that control lies where the money resides.
It comes from movies, TV, clothing brands,
perception of beauty if changing,
but if we went further,
people exist at size 26, 28, 30,
40, 50, 60.
People exist.
Let's show them.
When it's not about "My 500 Pound Life"
and being made fun of.
- [Jessica] How can people who aren't plus-size
be better allies to people who are?
- Stop using fatness as a negative connotation.
- Analyzing their internalize that phobia
and never using terms like,
"Oh, I feel fat today."
'Cause fat is not a feeling.
- Constantly be researching, speaking out,
confronting situations for your plus-sized friend,
is feeling in need of protection.
- Shop at places that carry a wide range of sizes.
And I am not
talking about up to a 3X.
- If you want to be an ally, you have to show up for them.
I have so many people in my comments section
that if somebody says something negative,
immediately will jump on it.
- Are you creating safe spaces for fat people
when you invite them to go out?
Are you making sure that they're not sitting
on those plastic chairs that makes everyone nervous?
- Read "Fearing the Black Body".
And it's the history in fat phobia.
- What if we all just decided that fat people
were worthy of dignity and respect
and love and care and compassion?
Just a thought.
- [Jazzmyne] How was that for you, Joyce?
- You know, it was good.
It was good.
I really feel like I don't talk enough
about being a plus-size woman.
- We never talk about this stuff,
'cause we're always like, (cheering)
(muted cheering) - Twerk off the bridge!
- If you're a plus-size person watching this video,
and you still feel uncomfortable about your body,
remember that there are people out there
who will make you feel bad about yourself
but it's up to you to make the decision--
- To live!
- Love yourself.
To take it one step at a time
and to know that you are valid no matter what society says.
'Cause society is a dusty-ass (bleep).
- I would like to show everyone
the tattoo that I got to wrap it up.
- Yes!
You are a work of art.
And treat yourself as such.
(upbeat pop music)