LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, MY NEXT GUEST IS AN ACTRESS AND
COMEDIAN YOU KNOW FROM "HAPPY ENDINGS," "SATURDAY
NIGHT LIVE," AND SHOWTIME'S "BLACK MONDAY."
>> I HAVE BEEN KNOCKING FOR 20 MINUTES!
>> SORRY, MY GRANDPARENTS SOUNDPROOFED ALL THE BATHROOMS
DURING THE DIRTY 30s.
>> Stephen: WOW, THIS REALLY IS THE PERFECT APARTMENT.
>> I KNOW.
AND I LOVE IT, BUT -- THIS ISN'T THE WAY I'M SUPPOSED TO GET IT.
MY PARENTS WERE SUPPOSED TO GIVE IT TO ME WHEN WE GOT MARRIED
LIKE EVERYONE'S PARENTS DO.
>> SWEETY, I THINK YOUR SENSE OF REALITY IS --
>> YEAH, BECAUSE REALITY SUCKS.
I DESERVE THE DREAM I DREAMED OF.
NOT AFAT FRIEND'S STUD HOUSE.
>> IS THAT A REAL STORY?
MY FRIEND HAD ONE, CAME WITH A BLOCK OF CHEESE.
>> Stephen: PLEASE WELCOME TO "THE LATE SHOW" CASEY WILSON!
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ( BAND PLAYING )
>> Stephen: HELLO.
HI.
>> Stephen: HI, THANKS FOR BEING HERE.
>> THANKS FOR HAVING ME.
>> Stephen: I UNDERSTAND CONGRATULATIONS ARE IN ORDER FOR
YOU.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: BECAUSE YOU RECENTLY GOT ARRESTED WITH JANE
FONDA.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ALL THE BEST PEOPLE DO.
ALL THE BEST DO.
I GOT ARRESTED.
SHE IS AN ONGOING PROTESTER CALLED FIRE DRILL FRIDAYS TO
DEMAND CLIMATE JUSTICE.
I WAS ARRESTED.
>> Stephen: DOWN IN D.C.
DOWN IN D.C.
I WAS TOLD, YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN HOLDING CELL FOR PROBABLY
EIGHT TO TEN HOURS.
I DID WHAT ANYONE WOULD DO AND THAT WAS TO WEAR ADULT DIAPERS.
I FELT THAT WAS A VERY SMART MOVE.
>> Stephen: THAT IS SMART.
THANK YOU.
ALL THOSE MOVES WERE SMART, BUT I WAS SEATED NEXT TO -- SO THEY
BRING YOU INTO THIS HOLDING CELL AND I GOT SO LUCKY BECAUSE
THEY'LL SEAT YOU NEXT TO WHOEVER YOU'RE WITH, YOU'RE WITH THEM
FOR TEN HOURS.
>> Stephen: YOU DON'T GET TO MOVE AROUND.
>> NO.
I WAS SEATED NEXT TO A NURSE FROM OHIO AND GLORIA STEINEM.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) >> Stephen: THAT'S WHAT'S
HAPPENING HERE?
>> THIS WAS RIGHT BEFORE OUR ARREST.
>> Stephen: THAT'S YOU AND GLORIA STEINEM THERE.
>> THAT'S WHEN SPIRITS WERE BRIGHT AND HIGH.
>> Stephen: BEFORE THE ARREST.
YEAH, BEFORE THE ARREST.
>> Stephen: WHEN YOU FELT GOOD.
>> YEAH.
>> Stephen: WHAT DID YOU AND GLORIA TALK ABOUT, TEN HOURS.
>> TEN HOURS, I'M ASKING HER ALL THESE QUESTIONS, I'M PICKING HER
BRAIN, I'M SO EXCITED, THEN AS THE HOURS GO ON, YOU'RE HANG RI,
I'M NOW COMPLAINING, I'VE SOILED BYSELF LIKE AT LOT'S HAPPENED.
>> Stephen: CONGRATULATIONS.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.
AND IT GOT DARKER AND DARKER.
AND I'M, LIKE, WHAT GARBAGE TV DUE WATCH?
>> Stephen: WHAT GARBAGE TV DO YOU WATCH.
>> AND I'M GETTING QUESTIONS, LIKE, I DON'T WANT THIS FOR
GLORIA.
>> Stephen: SHE DOES HAVEN'T TO PUT UP WITH YOU.
>> SHE SHOULD NEVER HAVE TO AND I'M SORRY YOU HAVE TO.
>> Stephen: NO, I'M VERY HAPPY TO.
>> FINALLY THEY WERE, LIKE, OKAY, YOU GUYS CAN SHUFFLE
AROUND.
I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYONE MOVE SO FAST TO THE REAL CELEBS, TO THE
HEAD OF GREEN PEACE AND, SO, DIDN'T FEEL GREAT BUT I WAS
HAPPY FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.
>> Stephen: DID YOU GET THE CHANCE TO TALK TO THE NURSE?
>> I WOULD NEVER TALK TO A NURSE, NO.
SHE WAS LOVELY.
( LAUGHTER ) >> Stephen: YOU'VE ADDED A NEW
ITEM TO YOUR RESUME.
YOU'RE GOING TO BE A PUBLISHED AUTHOR, YOU'RE WORKING ON A
BOOK.
>> I AM.
>> Stephen: I'VE WRITTEN SOME AND I NEED PERFECT CONDITIONS,
THE RIGHT NUKES HAS TO BE ON.
ARE YOU ONE OF THE LUCKY PEOPLE THAT CAN WRITE ANYWHERE?
>> YES, AND NO.
I WORK OUT OF A CO-WORKSPACE WHERE WOMEN HAVE TO MULTI-TASK,
SO I OFTEN WILL BE WRITING WHILE I'M GETTING MY HAIR COLORED, FOR
INSTANCE.
SOMEONE WILL COME AND I'LL GET OTHER THINGS DONE WHILE I'M
WORKING.
>> Stephen: OTHER PEOPLE ARE WORKING THERE, TOO, HAVING COLOR
DONE.
>> YEAH, IT'S NOT GREAT.
I WANTED HER TO COLOR MY HAIR WHEN I WAS HERE TALKING TO YOU
GUYS, BUT WOMEN CAN'T HAVE IT ALL, GUYS.
( LAUGHTER ) LAST TIME -- MOLT THIS LAST
TIME, IT WAS A YEAR AND A HALF AGO -- SHE WAS COLORING MY HAIR
AND UNFORTUNATELY SHE SCREAMED AND SAID, YOU HAVE LIES.
( AUDIENCE REACTS ) I KNOW.
SEE, THIS IS A TOUGH STORY TO TELL.
THE AUDIENCE IS TURNING.
THIS IS, AGAIN, A YEAR AND A HALF AGO.
( LAUGHTER ) SHE SCREAMED.
WE RAN FROM THE BUILDING.
MY HANDS WERE SHAKING.
AND IT TURNED OUT, I HAVE A TWO AND FOUR-YEAR-OLD, THIS IS FROM
THEIR PRE-SCHOOL CLASS -- AGAIN, ALL CLEAR NOW.
( LAUGHTER ) BASICALLY, MY KIDS, I HAD IT,
THE BABY SITTER HAD IT, AND MY HUSBAND CAME HOME AND I SAID, IF
YOU DON'T HAVE THIS, YOU'RE NOT SPENDING ENOUGH TIME WITH OUR
KIDS.
>> Stephen: GOOD TEST.
KIND OF WORTH GETTING IT JUST TO KNOW.
>> I SAID, THEY BETTER BE FULLY GROWN, TOO.
>> Stephen: AND?
HE HAD THEM.
BUT NOT A LOT.
NOT A LOT, BUT HE HAD THEM.
>> Stephen: BUT STILL, IT SAYS GOOD THINGS ABOUT YOUR
RELATIONSHIP.
>> THAT WARMED MY HEART, YEAH.
>> Stephen: YOU HOSTED THE POPULAR PODCAST BITCH SESH.
WHAT DO YOU FEEL LIKE BITCHING ABOUT NOW?
>> STRANGE, BUT I BROUGHT IT FOR YOU.
DO YOU SEE THIS PRODUCT, AFRIN?
IT'S A NASAL SPRAY YOU USE AND HOPEFULLY WE WON'T NEED IT,
INSTANTLY OPENS YOUR SINUSES.
>> Stephen: AFRIN IS A MIRACLE PRODUCT.
>> THAT I CANNOT GET OPEN, OKAY?
WHEN I TELL YOU, GOOGLE IT, AFRIN, CAN'T GET IT HOP.
THERE ARE HOARDS OF PEOPLE ON THE INTERNET JUST LIKE ME.
I HAVE TO USE A WREN.
I HAD TO GO TO A NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE.
WHEN YOU NEED IT, YOU NEED IT.
>> Stephen: DO YOU LOTION YOUR HANDS BEFORE YOU DO IT?
I'VE NEVER HAD ANY PROBLEM OPENING AN AFRIN BOTTLE.
>> HAVE YOU OPENED ONE RECENTLY?
>> Stephen: COUPLE OF YEARS.
I WANT TO SEE THE C.E.O. OF AFRIN IN A ROOM BY HIM OR
HERSELF, THEY WILL GO CRAZY.
>> Stephen: CAN YOU LIKELY NOT GET IT OPEN?
>> NO.
PUSH DOWN GENTLY, IT SAYS -- THAT'S RIDICULOUS -- AND THEN
OPEN.
( CHEERING ) >> Stephen: JUST CALL ME.
ARE YOU IN THE NEW YORK AREA.
>> I LIVE IN CALIFORNIA, BUT I GUESS THERE'S FED EX.
>> Stephen: SURE.
I'M EMBARRASSED, BUT I'M TELLING YOU ALL, THIS IS A
STRONG MAN.
THE AVERAGE PERSON -- >> Stephen: I'M TELLING YOU
ALL, I AM NOT A STRONG MAN.
( LAUGHTER ) LOVELY TO MEET YOU.
>> NICE TO MEET YOU.
AGAIN, NO LIES.
>> Stephen: THE SECOND SEASON OF "BLACK MONDAY" PREMIERES
MARCH 15th ON SHOWTIME.
CASEY WILSON, EVERYBODY!
WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH A PERFORMANCE BY KEITH URBAN.