- I'm just gonna do it.
I'm doin' it.
I'm doing it.
Ohhhh! (tires screeching)
♫ Got a topical topic
♫ Got a show on the go
♫ Gotta get from A to B
♫ We're your mobile therapy
♫ I'm talkin' bitch on the move ♫
- Welcome to Bitch on the Move.
- Where we complain about things--
- Bitch.
Welcome to Bitch on the Move.
- Where we bitch about things in rush hour traffic,
and answer questions you're too afraid to ask.
Today is the worst parts about sex.
- [Blonde] The best worst parts about sex.
- [Brunette] The best worst parts about sex,
because they're the best of the worst.
- Michelle, give me your top five
best worst things about sex.
Ready? Go.
- When he takes my bra off
and I'm scared they're gonna be disappointed
in what they see.
- You realize that they're boobs, right?
- Here's a real secret.
I wear padded bras.
- That's not a secret. - [Michelle] I'm a liar!
- When you always have to pee, like right after sex.
Like why did God not give the responsibility
of sometimes having UTI?
- When you get a leg cramp.
- Body farts, like why do our bodies
happen to suction together?
- Finally... - [Michelle] When you orgasm first.
- Because like, I wanna fall asleep right after.
- Do you keep your eyes open or closed
when you're having sex?
- I think open?
And now
the best parts about sex.
Ready, go!
- You're having sex.
That's the best, best part about sex.
That's it. - [Michelle] Yeah.
- Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Uh, a hard chicken taco, no cheese.!
- [Voiceover] All right, your total come out to 7.38.
Please pull forward. Thank you. - [Blonde] Thanks.
- Don't you ever think like,
during sex,
where your organs go?
- Yo! I think about that all the fucking time!
I'm like, "There is literally someone in,
"inside of my body."
- I can see your phone, you are texting in...
Thank you.
- And now it's time for Picking Up a Passenger.
Who are we picking up today, Michelle?
- We are picking up the one and only Curly!
I will admit,
I have watched
lesbian porn.
Curly!
- Ladies and gentlemen--
- [Both] Curly!
Curly! Curly! Cur--
- We've been eating Taco Bell.
Do you want a bite?
- Yeah. (chuckling)
Oh my God, wait, but I'm on a diet today.
- Oh, not in this car you're not. - [Michelle] No.
- Michelle confessed to me
that she doesn't know the difference
in the community between a top and a bottom.
- I mean, I'm just assuming it's like who's--
- Just imagine it...
I always say it's like a baseball thing.
You're either a pitcher or a catcher.
So like, if you're a pitcher, you're a top.
So you're giving some, you're throwing somebody the ball.
You're throwing somebody some dick.
- But it doesn't have to do with--
- No, like, you could be a bottom
and still ride the dick.
You can ride a bottom and still sit on top of the guy.
- And still be a top. - [Curly] Yeah.
- I have cried one time during sex,
and it was trying to do butt stuff.
- To be honest, butt sex isn't really my favorite thing
in the whole wide world.
I don't want to put something in my butt,
and I don't want to putt something in your butt.
I'm not gonna be like
at dinner and be like,
"Oh my God, guess what my boyfriend did today.
"He (bleep)ing (bleep) all over the (bleep)ing bed."
- I'm still a fan of like a little bit of butt play
without full, like, puttin' a,
puttin' somethin' up there.
- I have to be super clean,
it has to be your dick,
I don't want a fingernail in there.
I don't want-- - [Blonde] Ohh!
- I don't want toy. - [Blonde] Ahhh!
- Also, I found like,
laying on my stomach
with them like behind on top--
(gasping)
So that you can like use the bed,
or like your hand,
or their hand. - [Curly] Wait.
- I thought the clitoris was inside.
- Curly! (laughing)
- Final advice is do you, enjoy sex.
It doesn't matter what position you're on.
Just do it.
Be safe, use protection, um,
use the morning after pill.
Goodbye, guys.
- Bye, Curly! (laughing)
Thanks for coming by!
All right, that's all we have for you this week.
Leave a comment below
with what you want us to bitch about next.
- And we'll bitch about it.
- And don't forget to subscribe
to this awesome new comedy channel.
Chinese fire drill, go!
(car doors opening)
That was fun. - [Michelle] Woo! Woo.
♫ Bitch on the move ♫
- (laughing) We both tried to do the harmony.
♫ Bitch on the move ♫
(laughing)
♫ Bitch on the move ♫
(laughing)
- That sounded like a church hymn at the end.
(laughing)
(funky dance beat)