SPEAKING OF DEEP SHAME, THE 2016 ELECTION.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) LAST NIGHT, THE PEOPLE OF
WISCONSIN REJECTED THE FRONTRUNNERS.
ON THE DEMOCRATIC SIDE, THE THE WINNER WAS-- AND JUST HOLD
ON, LET ME BRACE MIEDZ FOR YOUR REACTION.
BERNIE SANDERS.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) I'LL KEEP THOSE HANDY IN CASE
THERE'S A STORY ABOUT ONE DIRECTION REUNITING TO GIVE OUT
FREE POT.
AND LAST NIGHT, BERNIE FIRED UP THE CROWD WITH HIS VICTORY
SPEECH.
>> I THINK THE PEOPLE OF THIS COUNTRY ARE READY FOR A
POLITICAL REVOLUTION.
YES, WE CAN.
>> Stephen: YES WE CAN... STEAL SLOGANS FROM BARACK OBAMA.
( LAUGHTER ) UNLESS THAT ACTUALLY IS BARACK
OBAMA AND HE'S AGED EVEN MORE THAN I THOUGHT.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
BUT THE BIG NEWS-- THE BIG NEWS LAST NIGHT WAS ON THE REPUBLICAN
SIDE.
TED CRUZ WON.
IT WAS A HUGE UPSET, BECAUSE EVEN IF YOU VOTED FOR TED CRUZ,
YOU'RE STILL PRETTY UPSET ABOUT IT.
OF COURSE, THE EVEN BIGGER NEWS DONALD TRUMP LOST.
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) ANALYSTS SAY HE LOST BECAUSE
OF...
THINGS HE'S SAID AND DONE.
( LAUGHTER ) ALSO-- AND THIS IS JUST AS
IMPORTANT-- THINGS HE HASN'T SAID.
MANY PEOPLE OUT THERE COMPLAIN THAT TRUMP TENDS TO TALK BIG BUT
NEVER COMES UP WITH SPECIFIC PROPOSALS.
WELL, ON MONDAY, TRUMP PUT THAT CRITICISM TO BED BY FINALLY
GIVING REPUBLICAN VOTERS CONCRETE EXAMPLES OF GOVERNMENT
AGENCIES HE WOULD ELIMINATE.
>> WOULD YOU ELIMINATE ANY DEPARTMENTS?
>> OH, ABSOLUTELY.
DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL.
I MEAN, THE DEP IS KILLING US ENVIRONMENTALLY.
IT'S JUST KILLING OUR BUSINESSES.
>> Stephen: YES, ABSOLUTELY.
TRUMP PROMISED TO KILL THE WASTEFUL DEPARTMENT OF
ENVIRONMENTAL, THE D.E.P.
EVEN THE ABBREVIATION IS WASTEFUL.
BECAUSE THAT "P" DOESN'T STAND FOR ANYTHING.
( LAUGHTER ) ( APPLAUSE )
NOW, WE LOOKED IT UP, AND THE DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL DOES
NOT EXIST, MEANING TRUMP IS EITHER TALKING OUT OF HIS ASS,
OR HE'S ALREADY ELIMINATED IT.
THAT'S VERY IMPRESSIVE.
AND YOU KNOW IT'S JUST A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE TRUMP ELIMINATES
ALL THE OTHER WASTEFUL DEPARTMENTS WE DON'T NEED
BECAUSE THEY DON'T EXIST, BIG GOVERNMENT PROGRAMS LIKE THE
FEDERAL BUREAU OF MONEYING.
THE DEPARTMENT FOR THE FARMS.
THE BUREAU OF BIRDS AND FOXES.
THE ENVIRONMENTAL ERECTION AGENCY.
( LAUGHTER ) THE U.S. STEAK DEPARTMENT.
THE DEPARTMENT OF THE INFERIOR.
THE U.S. GHOST GUARD.
THE DEPARTMENT OF JUSTINS.
THE UNITED STATES MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP.
AND THE DEPARTMENT OF HEALTH AND HUMAN CENTIPEDES.