With a diagnosis like schizophrenia, you feel that it’s a sort of… It becomes, sort of
a label, whereas it’s more of an experience. But if people could understand what the experience
is actually in reality, and also actually help people deal with it every day, I think
it would be less of a stigma. But also people will be less frightened to talk to us if we’re
unwell or whatever, or look out for each other or whatever.
I think if people knew what the symptoms of psychosis were when they started to get those
really strange ideas and thoughts, they’d think, oh well. Like, you know, if you getting
a cold you start to sneeze. Okay, so this is psychosis. I better go and get help. And
there wouldn’t be that fear. So convincing when it’s in your own head.
You just, however sort of silly it is, you just… I mean, I was just convinced that
I was telepathic. There were sort of, there was some regional secret telepathic society
giving me phone numbers and saying, Martin you’re a powerful telepathic. And I was
going to the phone box and phoning them up and thinking, that’s strange, I must have got that wrong.
Do you think the television…? Did you have
a thing with the television, like you thought the television was talking to you?
I’ve had that, really strange. I remember staying up all night listening to the radio.
Just listening to it because it was just really bizarre. The whole world had sort of shifted
round and it was absolutely… And the stuff that was coming out of there was really terrifying.
But it was like being awake and dreaming at the same time so that you’re wandering around
in a sort of dream. But it sort of, it’s like talking. All those voices and stuff.
When I worked for the [inaudible] I was told by my psychiatrist, Brian, its mistaken belief.
Were you ever told that, mistaken belief? When you have a belief which is not… Like
a television taunts you or something. It’s like that didn’t happen, you’re mistaken.
It wasn’t real. But it did actually happen to you. That’s
the thing isn’t it? So when people are saying it’s not real, well it is real to you at
the time. You know, at times when you might experience
work periods of really being unwell and it can be really, you know, you don’t want
to go out and you don’t want to engage with other people or speak to people. Because it’s
like… But when you get through that, it’s such a relief because you’re like, that
was what it was. I need time out, I need time out. I need to
be by myself, I need to be locked away, no Brian. I feel it’s beneficial to lock away
but it’s not beneficial. You should be open and socialise, come out of your shell. You
should. It feels so right though to do that, to close off. It feels so good you think,
yes I need this. But then… Yes, it is very easy to get isolated. But
it’s important to have like sort of structure to your day and your week. Things that you
can do regularly, so going out and meeting people, and keeping up a social life is very
important. Even when you don’t feel like it.
That’s right, yes. And I think there’s like two sides to treating
schizophrenia. There’s the medication. I go and see a psychiatrist. There’s also
the talking side of it, talking therapies. And I was very lucky to get referred to a
cognitive behaviour therapy. Which I found very useful in developing like, coping strategies,
and learning to live with my illness, and to manage my illness. And I used to be very
paranoid, and so I’d be very worried even just like walking down the streets or whatever.
And I’d think the people were always talking about me, that kind of thing. And the constant
behaviour therapy really helped me to deal with that.
It’s actually really good that one. Because it’s one of those things that, when I’ve
had cognitive behavioural therapy, even when I’m having my sort of psychosis, I can sort
of talk myself out of it, or almost get insight into why I’m feeling that way, so…
A little while before the medication was right for me, changed three or four times, Olanzapine,
Risperdal, all sorts of medication. I’m on good medication now so that’s good.
And the side effects of the medication can be really tough.
Like with me, I’m a very athletic, sporty person but it gave me like man boobs. I was
body building at the time and it spoilt my shape. I’ve got it under control now but
that’s one of the things that I didn’t… I really didn’t enjoy that.
Its weird the different effects that drugs have. Completely different effects on different
people. Because the thing is, Brexpiprazole that I was put on, because I got really fat
on Olanzapine. And so they put me on this but I just… That was just awful for me.
I was terrified for about two months and my psychiatrist had gone on leave. So that I
was just in a bad place and put on Temazepam so I just slept through it.
I had the same thing with haloperidol. It just sort of just made me weep the whole time,
it was like… Even me. Like, I was… Before I was on the
clozapine I’m on now, I used to be in the depo and I was like, I can’t keep getting
these injections in my bottom. No, it hurts.
I want more support. I was going for my depo right. Going home, sleeping for two weeks,
get up again, depos. So it was depo, bed, depo, bed, depo, bed. I thought, no I can’t
live like this, this has got to stop. It kept me very warm but it was like depo then bed,
depo then bed. So I was like, ah no. And sleeping the whole time, you know, if
you’re asleep the whole time with medication, you’re not seeing… You’re not getting
out, you’re not seeing your friends, you might not be actually having the same symptoms
but you just… If you’re asleep all the time, you know, what’s the point?
I don’t like the term, someone is a schizophrenic. I think that’s really offensive. I think,
you know, I experience schizophrenia, you know. Someone say, oh that… You know, poking
you, poking their finger at you and just going, that persons a schizophrenic. You know, what’s
that about? You know. Most people would, if you describe what hearing
voices is like, most people would say they’ve experienced something similar to that at
one time or another in their life. But it doesn’t necessarily mean that they have…
That they have the illness. Yes.
What was your experience with that? Sometimes the bigger you are, it’s pretty
normal what you’re going through. But it’s a normal human experience. Lots
of people get that experience and if it wasn’t so frightening and if you knew what to expect
a bit more…