You would think with all those furry-hatted guards wandering around, a team of 24-hour
security personnel and her own private police force, whose cars are uniquely painted red
by the way, and let us not forget her very own guard corgis.
That it would be rather difficult to break into the home of the world’s largest landowner
and head-of-state of 16 countries.
Surely only a highly trained secret agent could accomplish such a feat.
No, this drunken fellow managed it, without any prior planning, not once, but twice.
This paragon of plundering is London-born Michael Fagan.
Ironically he is the son of a champion safe breaker, but that wasn’t what persuaded
him to try his hands at unlawfully entering Buckingham Palace.
In interviews he stated he had no motive and had never even considered the break-in before,
he had simply gotten drunk at a local pub and was walking home past the palace at 7am
when he decided to go for a stroll through the halls of, possibly the world’s most
famous residence.
Unemployed painter & decorator Michael Fagan made he grand break-in on July 9th 1982 when
he was 33-years-old.
After leaving the pub, the spritely drunk managed to scale a 14-foot-high wall at the
rear of Buckingham Palace’s perimeter.
A wall topped with barbed wire and revolving spikes nonetheless.
I struggle to climb into bed at 7am after a night in the pub, so Fagan must have really,
really wanted to get a glimpse of Queenie to clamber over that.
He then shimmied his way up a drainpipe on the rear of the palace and entered through
an unlocked window.
Fagan then spent a whole 15 minutes wandering the halls of the palace without being seen.
One member of the palace’s domestic staff recalls seeing him but afterwards she said
she didn’t think he was “sufficiently suspicious” enough to raise an alarm.
So presumably one would have to be “outrageously suspicious” before the staff would actually
do anything.
According to Fagan, after aimlessly wandering the halls he found his way to the royal apartments
by “following the pictures” on the walls.
Not really sure what he means by that, but I can only imagine there are an increasing
number of photos of corgis on the walls as you close in on the royal apartments.
First he entered Charles’ room but he was not there, Fagan found half a bottle of white
wine of the shelf which he drunk.
In an interview Fagan later noted that the wine was “really cheap”.
Fagan then snuck into the Queen’s bedroom where he found Her Majesty asleep.
Fagan later noted that the bed was large but she was definitely sleeping alone.
He ripped the curtains open and she immediately awoke.
She sounded her night alarm for help, but the maid in the next room was vacuuming, so
neither she nor anyone else on duty heard the Queen’s distress call.
So what did Her Majesty do next, well call the police of course.
I’d just love to be to be the 999 operator taking a call from the Queen.
Well she didn’t actually call the police, she called the palace telephonist who called
the police for her.
So what did Fagan and Her Majesty the Queen get up to for several awkward minutes whilst
she was waiting for the police to arrive?
Well she, along with a footman, actually lured Fagan into the pantry with the promise of
free cigarettes and a glass of whiskey.
The Queen and her footman kept Fagan busy in the pantry with cigarettes and whiskey
until the police came and he was arrested.
So what was Fagan’s punishment for his dastardly royal intrusion?
A lengthy jail sentence?
Was he set upon by a pack of ravenous corgis?
Nope, he got away completely scot-free.
Surprisingly, at that time there were no special laws in place that meant breaking into Buckingham
Palace was a serious crime, beyond normal trespassing.
Fagan was let go without any charge because under UK law trespassing is not a criminal
offence but a civil wrong.
The Queen could have taken him to court for damages, if she wanted to, but can you really
imagine the Queen in court?
She’s far too busy deciding whether she would like her morning omelette made out of
quail eggs or duck eggs.
The Queen is also exempt from having to legally provide evidence, unlike us meagre peasants.
Fagan was however charged for stealing the bottle of wine, since that’s the only thing
they had on him, so why the hell not?
But the theft charge was dropped because the judge concluded that Fagan was not mentally
stable and admitted him to spend six months in a psychiatric hospital.
It wasn’t until 2007 when a new law was introduced in the UK which made trespassing
on royal or government-owned property a criminal offence.
But this wasn’t Fagan’s first expedition inside the Palace, he actually broke in a
month earlier too.
During his first visit he didn’t meet the Queen but he spent 10 minutes wandering the
palace’s vast hallways, staring at paintings.
He then found his way to the throne room and sat on the throne for a bit before leaving
the palace, completely undetected.
But these two Michael Fagan incidents aren’t the first times that Her Majesty’s private
quarters have been penetrated.
In 2013 a burglar broke into the palace after scaling a wall and kicking a door down, he
made his was deep into the palace but was swiftly arrested.
Also, in 1981 three German tourists camped in the grounds of Buckingham Palace the entire
night, mistaking it for Hyde Park.
Philip, I think there’s some Germans in our garden, off with their Hans!
…I mean heads.