All: (singing to Oompa Loompa theme throughout disclaimer) Whatever you do, don't try this at home!
Jory: Or you...
Jon and Riley: Da-da-dun!
Jory: Will be...
Jon and Riley: Da-da-dun!
All: Dead!
*theme song plays*
Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?
Jory: ("drunk" throughout into) Hello, and welcome to "Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.
Riley: Are you drunk?
Jory: NO!
I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain, and this is our season 9...
Jory: (in falsetto) Boop!
Riley: ...finale! Season 9 FINALE! And it's almost the Super Bowl, so Jory's drunk already!
Jory: America's pastime- Sam Adams!
Riley: Boston lager!
Jory: Boston lager!
Riley: Alright, alright, look how good-lookin' SHE is!
Riley: Put those beer goggles on, and look how delicious!
Jon: WOW!
Riley: I'm talkin', like, oh! Alright, ready?
Jory: Oh, hello, lady!
Riley: Samuel Adams!
Jon: We should put it in there for 45 minutes, because this is Super Bowl XLV!
Jon: Good luck to both teams playing in this weekend's Big Game!
Riley: I think we should protect it a little bit, because we don't want another lava lamp incident, now, do we?
Jory: (whining) Why?!
Jon: Alright, so we've patched it up. In the event that it explodes, it won't kill everyone in a 12-foot radius!
*beer being poured into cup*
*Jory shudders*
*Riley chuckles*
Jory: It's so cold!
Jory: You may have noticed I ran really well, and that's because I'm NOT drunk. I've only had 12 beers!
Jon: Okay, guys, so a little bit of change of pace.
Jon: We are leaving the lights on in the lab for this final experiment, because we would like to see the microwave...
Jory: We wanna see it cookin'! Oh, yeah!
Jon: We actually want to see it explode. We don't care about the experiment. We know it's going to explode. We wanna see the explosion more than the actual microwaving!
Jon: So, you do think this is gonna explode, right, Jory?
Jory: I sure hope so!
Jon: This is just a matter of time before it DOES explode, and it'll be awesome, right?
Jory: That's the plan!
Jon: Alright, so let's just keep our eyes fixed on it. Be quiet, and see what happens!
Riley: I'm afraid with all the duct tape we won't know if it goes off or not. I mean, it might just be like a... (quietly) Poof!
Jon: I think we'll probably, we'll hear it, dude.
Jon: Alright, we're just sittin' here, killin' time, wastin' time. (in falsetto) It's the season 9 finale!
Jory: Wastin' all my precious time!
*beer bottle explodes*
Riley: Whoa!
Jon: Oh, that was it! That was it! Nice!
Jory: There it was!
Jory: Sometimes, you get everything you ever want!
Jory: It's like the first-ever explosion I've seen!
*Jory chuckles*
Riley: How's it smell?
Jory: It's the manliest smell! It's Swagger and beer! (laughs)
Riley: (awe-stricken) Oh, my God! That is an awesome smell!
Riley: Seriously! Like, we need to copy/patent this, like...
Jory: The Swagger and beer?
Jon: Release the lager!
Riley: Mmm!
Jon: That looks pretty good, dude. Looks like it just popped the top.
Jon: Whoo!
Jory: We just smashed the ton!
Jon: So, is there just booze all over the inside of, uh, Penelope there?
Riley: Booze and Old Spice! I mean...
Jory: No booze, just beer.
Jon: Final verdict...
Jon and Riley: ...Of season 9?
Jon: What do you say? What say you?
Jory: I'm gonna go ahead and say that it is a bad idea.
Riley: Why?
Jon: You could have drunk that!
Jory: Beer is a precious, precious thing!
Riley: Is it?
Jory: It is SO precious to me! Um...
Riley: I'm gonna plead the 5th on that one!
Jory: I think if I had drunk enough of them and just watched the microwave go with nothing in it, I would have had a better time than watching it with one beer in there!
Jory: But then again, I don't know about that. Does it translate that way?
Jon: I don't know!
Jory: One beer in the microwave, one...
Jon: You're drunk! Stop trying to be a philosopher!
Riley: Anyways...
Jon: (to Jory) You're just stupid!
Riley: I mean, this is it! This is the season 9 finale! I hope you guys enjoyed it! WE enjoyed it! Did YOU enjoy it?
Jory: I DID!
Riley: Jon?
Jon: Yes!
Riley: We'll see you guys, um...
Jon: For the clip show, coming up soon! Stay tuned, folks!
Anyways, I'm Riley McIlwain, your sidekick.
I'm Jory Caron. This is...
Jory and Riley: ..."Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This?"
*end credits play*
*Jory and Riley exhale deeply*
Jory: Good season, good season!
Riley: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
Jory: Let's shake!
Riley: Okay!
Jon: (very sarcastically) What, did you just close on a home loan?!
*Riley laughs*
Jon: Thank you for watching, folks!
Riley: It's been great!
Jory: Mmm!
Jon: BOOM!
Riley: Up top!
Jory: Hyah!
Riley: Hyah!
Jory and Jon: Hyah!
*marching band-style retirement music plays*
Riley: Jory, what is her name?
Jory: Penelope!
Riley: Penelope?
Jory: Penelope Cruz!
Jon and Riley: WHOA!
*Riley laughs at dismembered Barney*
Jory: We're cleaning the microwave with fire!
Jon: I told you that was a stupid idea!
*lava lamp, part II, explodes*
Riley: Oh, my God!
*fire extinguisher whooshes*
Jory: And, as always, the lovely Panasonic microwave, Penelope.
*retirement music ends*
*Click on episode #242 to see holy St. Margaret II talk to God and resurrect for the fourth time!*