- Getting along with in-laws,
I mean, I know you're sitting on your computer right now,
or looking your phone,
and saying oh my gosh,
I have a story to tell.
But so do a lot of people
and today I am reacting to in-law stories from hell.
Basically, the bottom line is boundaries,
so let's jump into these stories
and how boundaries are a necessity.
(upbeat music)
Okay, so my producers are having me read and react
to some truly awful mother-in-law stories.
So, here we go.
It's gonna be fun,
let's see what happens.
Okay, my husband and I,
had a destination wedding in the Bahamas,
my mother-in-law is notoriously cheap
and would only fly down for two nights.
So, she arrived the day before our wedding,
and went home the day after.
Okay, fair enough.
If you only wanna spend two days in the Bahamas,
that's your choice.
On our wedding day,
there was no official reception
but our group of about 10 people
sat outside for the rest of the afternoon
drinking and generally having a good time.
Fast-forward to that night,
husband and I finally get to our suite around 9PM
and we are excited
to enjoy our wedding night together alone understandably.
I hope so.
Around 10PM,
our room phone rings.
It's my mother-in-law demanding that my brand new husband
come down to the lobby
and watch a fire-eating performance or something
with his mom.
Because I'm leaving tomorrow
and I think it's very selfish of you
not to spend time with me tonight.
(laughs)
My husband explained that it was his wedding night.
Okay, that's a good boundary, right.
Like, with in-laws, so often,
there are boundaries being crossed,
so he's putting his foot down.
He's saying, it's my wedding night.
And he wanted to spend it with his wife,
which prompted his mother to snap,
oh give me a break,
it's not like tonight is extra special,
we all know kittens and blow is no virgin.
I have lots more, but that one is my favorite,
because it really sets the tone for things to come.
Okay, so that's terrible, that's terrible.
If you have any other terrible in-law stories,
feel free to share them below.
But what do you do in this situation, right?
I mean, they handled it so so well.
The mother-in-law was being ridiculous
and sometimes people are ridiculous,
and they set a boundary and they just let her own that,
and she showed her true colors.
So here's the thing,
I have this saying about people, relationships,
that I expect people to act like people.
I expect people to act the way that I know them to be
and you spend enough time with someone,
and you have a pretty good feel for who they are
and what their priorities are.
And so, just expect this mother-in-law to show up this way
and have appropriate boundaries,
and let her own her ridiculous behavior.
Because the thing is,
her behavior is a reflection on her,
it's not a reflection on the son or the daughter-in-law.
There's no reason to take ownership
for someone else's ridiculous behavior.
Okay, so our next mother-in-law story,
this is from mableandmoxie.com.
So, I was scheduled for my annual gynecologist appointment.
We can tell this is already gonna be good.
My gynecologist is a male,
as I'm not comfortable with another female
examining my private parts.
Cool.
Everybody has their preferences.
He's an amazing doctor
and my old fashioned mother-in-law doesn't understand it.
All she cares for
is the fact that he's a man
who definitely must be a pervert
to choose such a profession.
Okay, it's a pretty strong,
pretty strong opinions there.
She has tried to set me up with her female gynecologist
and I was very firm, absolutely not.
This morning, I arrive at the clinic,
only to find out I'm not scheduled.
I was unpleasantly surprised
and started to question the desk person,
telling them that I called
and scheduled my appointment months ago.
They explained to me that I had called yesterday
and canceled my appointment.
Oh my gosh.
It turns out it was my mother-in-law who called,
pretended to be me,
and canceled my appointment.
That's hilarious.
I mean, not in the moment but after, that's hilarious.
And to have to continue to interacting with a mother-in-law
who once again, oversteps such huge boundaries,
that's funny, that is really really funny, and sad.
Okay.
So, once again, the boundary conversation, right?
How do you handle that?
I love you,
I care about you as a person,
but it is not okay for you
to cancel my doctors appointments.
You do not have any say over what doctor I visit.
And holding those boundaries
and letting them know what they are.
So, here's the thing about relationship,
it requires trust, right?
Any relationship, not just in a romantic relationship,
with friends, with children,
there needs to be a level of trust.
And that was a huge miss step of trust,
trust was definitely broken there.
There was no respect for autonomy,
there was no respect for privacy,
there was no recognition that they were an adult
and could run their own lives
and choose who their doctors are.
And I think that so often can happen with parents, right,
where even though it wasn't her child,
it was her son-in-law, presumably,
but it was her daughter-in-law,
that they are older and so they are the authority figure,
which is absolutely not true.
And so, having that conversation of,
if it is beneficial,
giving the benefit of the doubt
to have the conversation.
So, trying to have the conversation of,
you really over stepped your bounds
and you broke trust with me,
and I want to have a connected relationship with you,
I want to trust you,
but I can't do that if these sort of things are happening.
So, having that conversation is super beneficial,
if the other person is willing to hear you.
Now, I absolutely have people in my life
that I have tried and tried and tried
to have those conversations with,
and they're not willing to listen, right,
they're not willing to be accountable,
they're not willing to take ownership,
and they're not willing to change their behavior.
That is okay,
we just know where that person fits in our life
and if they can't be as close or as connected,
or as involved in our lives,
because of the lack of trust,
that is okay.
All right, so we have one last fun story from Reddit,
and it's titled,
What Is Your Mother-in-Law Horror story?
So, one weekend,
my daughter stayed at my mother-in-law's for an overnight.
She bought my daughter a rabbit without our permission
or even telling us.
We show up to pick up our kiddos
and there is a giant rabbit cage with a dwarf bunny.
She bought the bedding and the food,
so we couldn't turn it away
because we didn't have supplies.
We already have two dogs
and very little room for a rabbit cage.
But my kid was ecstatic of course.
My husband is allergic,
that's a fail.
And my mother-in-law knows this.
So, what do you do?
Okay, so I know what I would do in that situation, right.
And here's the thing about in-laws,
we're all different people,
we all have different life experiences.
We all have different personalities
and things that we value.
And so, toss values show up in different ways.
And then of course, there's people of all types,
that lack boundaries
and only care about themselves
and only see the world from their perspective,
but we're mixing this all together
and we're trying to be one big happy family.
So, I've had my own share of in-law adventures.
I've had three set of-in law's
so I've had my own share.
And there has been times
when I have fond something upsetting or frustrating
or things like that,
with in-law's.
And it's patterns of behavior,
they go on and on and on
and they repeat and it never ends.
I'm the type of person
that is very much so
someone that will address things just head on, right.
And here's what I came to realize in one in-law situation,
was that it was my husband's family
and they had their own family culture
and that if something needed to be addressed,
that he was really the pone that needed to address it.
In that siltation, it wasn't my place,
he needed me to decide if he was going to confront it.
Which is not really his family culture's MO.
Which he eventually did,
but it took him years and years and years.
So, in this situation,
I would totally go back to the,
hey this is your mom,
and you need to deal with this.
There's a lot of questions here.
It sounds very passive-aggressive.
It's a passive aggression thing to do anyways,
but knowing that her son's allergic,
and everything, it sounds super passive aggressive.
But I would let my husband deal with it,
but I wold also be very firm
in what is communicated in that,
oh we're so glad you bought this
lovely pet for our daughter,
and she will be happy to play with it
when she comes and visits you,
because we can't just,
we can't make a commitment
to another living being in our house right now,
and the amount of discomfort
that it would cause in our family
with your son being allergic to the pet,
is just once again we can do.
Araw that very firm boundary,
but in this situation,
I would totally let the son handle it.
And regardless of what the intentions were
of the mother-in-law,
that can totally be done
from a place of peace and power and calm,
even if you know that there was mal intent.
And I don't know if there was
but it kinda seems like there had be at least area.
Or very very clueless person.
Okay, so speaking of boundaries,
I got the next video for you.
What boundaries should you have in a relationship?
Check it out,
I know you'll love it.
As always, thank you for hanging out with me,
and remember to keep shining,
we need your light.
(upbeat music)
There's those boundaries we were talking about.
You now you want to watch it.
It will make your life better.