♪♪♪ ♪♪♪
♪♪♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> HI. HI, I'M HARRIS FUALKNER, YOU ARE
WATCHING OUTNUMBERED. OUT NUMBERED IS THE TITLE OF THE
SHOW. AND ALSO HOW I FEEL HERE AT FOX
NEWS. WE BEGIN TODAY WITH THE FOX NEWS
ALERT. ♪♪♪
COULD FORMER PRESIDENT OBAMA BE IMPEACHED?
NOW DESPITE NOT BEING PRESIDENT ANYMORE.
ONE OF OUR PROFESSIONAL MORONS SAYS YES.
WE HAVE ANOTHER FOX NEWS ALERT. MEXICANS.
AND THAT WAS THE FOX NEWS ALERT. WE NOW GO LIVE TO THE WHITE
HOUSE WHERE PRESIDENT DONALD J. TRUMP IS ABOUT TO HOLD A JOINT
PRESS CONFERENCE WITH THE LEADERS OF THE BALTIC STATES.
[ APPLAUSE ] [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
HELLO, HI, HOW IS IT GOING? LET'S MAKE IT QUICK.
BECAUSE I HAVE A TRADE WAR TO ESCALATE.
THAT'S WHY I JUST ANNOUNCED TARIFFS ON MORE CHINESE PRODUCTS
INCLUDING FIREWORKS AND FINGER TRAPS.
WE ALSO EXPELLED THE INFAMOUS CHINESE BILLIONAIRE P.F. CHANG.
HE IS GONZO. TODAY WE HAVE GOT THE LEADERS
FROM THE BALKAN STATES.
ESTONIA, LITHUANIA, AND I WANT TO SAY, STANKONIA.
THE GREAT BALTIC NATIONS, EVEN IN THE GAME MONOPOLY,
BALTIC AVENUE WAS ALWAYS MY FAVORITE PROPERTY.
EXCEPT FOR ORIENTAL AVENUE WHICH YOU CAN'T EVEN SAY ANYMORE.
NOW YOU HAVE TO CALL IT CHINA STREET, SAD, VERY SAD.
BEFORE I TURN OVER TO THE FREAK SHOWS HERE, I WOULD LIKE TO READ
A PREPARED STATEMENT TO PROVE THAT I CAN
READ. SO HERE IT GOES.
GOD, I HATE THIS. DO NOT CONGRATULATE PUTIN.
WAIT, THAT'S A NOTE TO ME.
OKAY, READING, HERE WE GO. THE UNITED STATES HAS A SPECIAL
RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BALTIC NATIONS.
GOD I WANT TO RIFF SO BAD. WE ARE PROUD TO HONOR THE
CENTENNIAL OF THEIR INDEPENDENCE FROM RUSSIA.
GOD, THIS SUCKS. BECAUSE OUR NATIONS ARE TRULY
FRIENDS. OH, THANK GOD THAT'S OVER, OKAY.
PARDON ME, I'M SORRY. TIME TO FREESTYLE.
FIRST UP A BIG CONGRATULATIONS TO VLADIMIR PUTIN.
HE WON A GREAT, GREAT, VERY TRANSPARENT VICTORY IN THE
RUSSIAN ELECTION. FANTASTIC JOB, PUTIN.
EVEN KNOW NO ONE HAS EVER BEEN TOUGHER ON RUSSIA THAN I AM.
INCLUDING HITLER. OKAY, THAT'S IT FROM ME.
LET'S DO THE BALTICS QUICK AND GET OUT OF HERE.
OKAY, GYPSY WOMAN. YOU WANT TO GO FIRST?
>> OKAY, THANK YOU SO VERY MUCH TO PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP AND
WELCOMING THE NATION OF LITHUANIA.
WE HAVE MUCH IN COMMON. >> OH, MY GOD, I AM ALREADY SO
BORED. I WISH I WAS WATCHING ROSEANNE,
HOW GREAT IS THAT SHOW? ROSEANNE LOVES ME.
SHE IS LIKE A GOOD ROSIE O'DONNELL.
>> WE ALSO WANT EFFICIENT ENERGY OR AS YOU MIGHT SAY IN AMERICA,
BIG BANG FOR YOUR BUCK. [ SNORING ]
SO IN CONCLUSION -- >> OKAY, SHE IS FINALLY DONE.
>> THANK YOU TO PRESIDENT DONALD TRUMP.
>> NOW, WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T MENTION HER HAIR.
DON'T MENTION HER HAIR. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THAT
SPEECH. BY THE WAY, YOUR HAIR IS INSANE.
OKAY, I THINK THAT'S IT FOR ZAZA, WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO?
OTHER GIRL PRESIDENT, BALKY FROM "PERFECT STRANGERS."
JUST GOING TO SKIP THEM TO SAVE SOME TIME.
>> EXCUSE ME, MR. PRESIDENT. >> OH, MY GOD THERE ARE
QUESTIONS TOO. WHAT IS THIS A FULL WORKDAY.
OKAY, MAKE IT QUICK. >> YOU JUST DENIED KNOWING
ANYTHING ABOUT THE STORMY DANIELS PAYOFF, BUT IF THAT'S
TRUE DOESN'T THAT MAKE HER NDA NONBINDING?
>> OH, THAT'S A TOUGHY. BORAT, YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT
ONE? >> ME?
>> I DON'T KNOW, I THINK THE QUESTION WAS FOR YOU.
>> IT WAS NOT FOR THE PRESIDENT OF LATVIA.
>> GIVE THE GUY A CHANCE. LET HIM ANSWER THE QUESTION.
>> OKAY, WELL, NOT THE STRONGEST ENGLISH SPEAKER, BUT WE HAVE IN
OUR COUNTRY AN EXPRESSION AND IT TRANSLATE ROUGHLY AS "THIS MAN
IS LYING." THAT'S ENOUGH, LATVIA.
NEXT QUESTION. AND GUYS, LET'S TRYING TO KEEP
IT FUN. THESE THREE JUST CAME ALL THE
WAY FROM HUFFLEPUFF. SO LET'S SHOW THEM A GOOD TIME.
YEAH, YOU. >> MR. PRESIDENT, WHY DO YOU
KEEP ATTACKING AMAZON? DO YOU REALLY HATE JEFF BEZOS
THAT MUCH? >> I DO.
I HATE JEFF BECAUSE HE IS WAY RICHER THAN ME.
AND, HE ADMITS TO BEING BALD. SO I FEEL THREATENED ON TWO
LEVELS. >> YES, MY QUESTION IS, WHY ARE
YOU SENDING THE NATIONAL GUARD TO THE MEXICAN BORDER?
DOESN'T THAT SEEM, HOW DO YOU SAY, POINTLESS?
>> SERIOUSLY, YOU GOING TO COME AT ME LIKE THAT?
DO I COME TO THE SHOE THAT YOU LIVE IN AND SLAP THE POTATO OUT
OF YOUR MOUTH? LOOK, WE HAVE TO KEEP OUR
BORDERS SECURE. MEXICO IS SENDING CARAVANS FULL
OF IMMIGRANTS TOWARDS US. I HAVE SEEN THESE CARAVANS,
TRUCK AFTER TRUCK, BARRELING ACROSS THE DESERT.
THE TRUCKS ARE COVERED IN METAL AND SPIKES.
THERE'S A GUY STRAPPED ON THE FRONT JUST WAILING AWAY ON A
FLAMING GUITAR. AND THERE ARE FREAKY ALBINO
DUDES, SHIMMYING AROUND SKINNY LITTLE POLES.
>> MR. PRESIDENT, I BELIEVE THAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING THE MOVIE
"MAD MAX FURY ROAD," RIGHT? AWE THOUGHT'S RIGHT, THEY ARE
SOME MAD MAXICANS. ONE MORE QUESTION.
YEAH, YOU. >> MR. PRESIDENT, ARE YOU
WORRIED THAT YOUR TARIFFS ARE RUINING OUR ECONOMY AND YOUR
IMMIGRATION POLICIES HAVE DESTROYED AMERICA'S STANDING IN
THE WORLD? >> NO, I AM NOT WORRIED AT ALL
BECAUSE HERE IS THE THING THAT NO ONE ELSE IS SAYING AND I'M
THE ONLY ONE WHO'S WILLING TO ACTUALLY SAY THIS, "I DON'T CARE
ABOUT AMERICA." OKAY.
THIS WHOLE PRESIDENCY IS A FOUR YEAR CASH GRAB AND ADMITTING
THAT WILL PROBABLY GET ME FOUR MORE YEARS, BUT I DO NOT CARE
ABOUT ANY OF YOU. OKAY?
BASICALLY DOES THAT ANSWER ALL OF YOUR QUESTIONS?
DOES IT OKAY. AND ONE MORE THING.
DOES ANYONE ELSE SEE THIS RABBIT.
OKAY. I AM NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO SEES
THAT RABBIT, RIGHT? IT IS WEARING GLASSES.
ITS THAT REAL? OKAY.
I THINK THIS MIGHT BE A DONNIE DARKERO SITUATION.
FANTASTIC MOVIE BY THE WAY, LOVE JAKE GILLENHALL.
AND LIVE FROM NEW YORK IT'S SATURDAY NIGHT!