my friend Anna Laura actually recently
recommended the book unpucker boundaries
build better relationships through
consent communication and by expressing
your needs by faith G Harper and it was
revelatory hallelujah baby let's dive
right in there are seven types of
boundaries one physical don't touch me
to property don't touch my stuff
three sexual don't touch me or my stuff
and sexual can also include the language
and ideas around sexuality for instance
how someone decides to talk to you about
sex for emotional relational boundaries
which we respect by how we care for
others and by making space for them to
have their own emotional experiences
five intellectual boundaries your
thoughts beliefs ideas and how they are
respected six spiritual your belief
systems and finally seven time
boundaries demands made on you or that
you make on others involving time every
boundary also has three versions rigid
where nothing gets through that boundary
ever permeable where everything you get
through that boundary all the time and
finally flexible which of course is the
ideal boundary because it comes from us
listening to our internal voice the one
that wants to both protect us and have
us experience growth the book asks you
to really examine how boundaries were
first demonstrated and modeled for you
so where did your boundaries actually
come from as a kid I often got the
message that I should have permeable
physical boundaries give your aunt a hug
and I can definitely see me reenacting
these dynamics with my own kids kiss me
on your lips kiss me kiss me on your
lips after figuring out the origin of
your boundaries Harper asks us to really
examine how we respect those belonging
to other people so this requires you to
really think about some times that you
have possibly violated somebody else's
boundaries like you know when I violate
my brother's intellectual ones yeah
everything you think is the stupidest
thing I've ever heard I didn't even
finish talking you didn't need to and I
have definitely not respected some
emotional relational boundaries back in
my youth
dude you're overreacting okay whatever
happened doesn't justify this reaction
but the book is an excellent way to
really look at our relationships to
boundaries and get a more comprehensive
understanding of where they came from if
they're working and how to build better
ones Harper's final nugget of knowledge
is to ask us to get clear on our values
and then create boundaries around them
so if your value is honesty make a
boundary thank you this just made me
look fat yes thank you so much for
respecting my white light boundary babe
no problem dude learning how to honor
the boundaries of others in ourselves
will lead to healthier relationships
better interpersonal communication and
more fulfillment I'm Anna Akana and
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just finished this book on your
boundaries which really helped me
realize which boundaries of mine are
very rigid or permeable and just allow
me to create more flexibility in my life
which has already led to more authentic
and like sort of feeling loved in
relationships and in feeling loved with
myself with friends and with family and
also like a little certain someone that
I'm like romantically involved with
whatever you don't get to know you can
start listening with a thirty-day
audible trial and choose one audio book
and two audible originals absolutely
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