If you've experienced cheating
my heart goes out to you.
It is an awful experience I know.
If you can set aside your pain
and bitterness just for a moment
and your pain and bitterness
is completely understandable
but if you can set that aside
then this video will help you learn
why women cheat in long-term relationships
so that you can help prevent it from
ever happening again.
There is something you can do
a lot of the time
and in this video, you're going to learn
why men assume women cheat for opportunity.
Two, the top five reasons
women actually cheat
in a long-term relationship.
How to prevent cheating
in a long-term relationship
and if once a cheater always a cheater
is fact or fiction.
If you're new to my channel,
my name is Anna Jorgenson
welcome to just the tip.
Fact,
men and women are different in some ways
no matter what they try to tell you.
This is actually a true statement
but if you assume women and men are the same
then you're going to assume women
and men cheat for the same reasons.
Sometimes this is true
sometimes this is not true.
And if you assume women are like men
then you might assume women
cheat because of opportunity,
sexual attraction and opportunity.
And the reason why you think that
is because that's actually more true for men.
You are built to spread your seed
and procreate.
Men are more apt to cheat
for novelty than women are.
Women typically will cheat
because of emotional discontent.
Key point,
opportunity and sexual attraction
usually only happens
when a woman has experienced
emotional discontent
in her primary relationship.
However, here's why you think this as well.
If a woman is emotionally damaged
then there's a higher chance
she's going to feel emotionally discontent
in that primary relationship
no matter how good a man you are.
So, let's get into the five
main reasons women cheat
in long-term relationships.
The first one is when she feels trapped.
However, it's really more about
her feeling under-appreciated.
Just like it's important for her
to continue to show you
that she values and appreciates you
throughout your relationship.
You must do the same for her.
Relationships are a two-way street.
They require ongoing maintenance
just like you take your car into the shop
once in a while to get a tune-up
or you go to the gym more than once.
Because going to the gym once
is not going to get you fit for life,
relationships require maintenance.
That's a reality.
So, how do you prevent her from cheating
because she feels under-appreciated.
Well, you show her appreciation
and she should do the same for you.
So, you can plan special dates,
you can surprise each other with
thoughtful gestures
and of course, express your love
and gratitude for each other.
Bonus points for either both of you.
If you express love the way
your partner likes to receive it
this can be as simple as
have I told you lately how much I appreciate you?
When it's not expected?
Maybe she hasn't done anything.
Ladies, do this for your man as well.
It could sound like
even when we're not doing anything
I feel happy when we're together.
It can sound like let me take care of that.
I know it's not your favorite thing to do.
Wouldn't you like to hear these things
from your partner, from your wife,
your girlfriend?
These are things you should be saying
to each other to maintain the relationship.
Two, a lack of emotional connection.
Okay, so here's another one
where men and women are a little bit different.
So, when a man wants to connect
emotionally with a woman
he starts with
physical intimacy or sexual intimacy.
Whereas for a woman
she needs to start with emotional intimacy
and that will help her lead to sexual intimacy.
No wonder there's so much
confusion between men and women.
If she doesn't feel an emotional connection
she will have a really difficult time
becoming aroused by you
and she may withhold sex from you.
The next thing you know
she's chatting with Charlie
at the water cooler telling him
all about her relationship
woes and he's all understanding
and they're building a what? An emotional connection.
Pretty soon Charlie starts
looking a little better.
You know where that leads to.
Key point, reminder.
Studies continue to show
that women tend to cheat
in long-term relationships
because they lack emotional connection
in their primary relationship.
Whereas men tend to cheat
because they lack
physical intimacy or sexual intimacy
in order to get to that emotional connection.
Men need emotional connection
just as much as women,
but they arrive there in a different route
similar to men.
if a woman feels taken for granted
or under-appreciated or ignored
she's going to seek emotional connection
and emotional intimacy elsewhere.
And that's what can lead
to physical intimacy and cheating.
You both need to make time
to communicate regularly
and openly about your feelings.
Feelings doesn't have to be about
bringing up your childhood trauma
although it can it's not necessary.
It can be as simple as saying something like
Hey, what's going on in your world?
Or How do you feel about this?
And for a woman
it's just as important
that when she asks you questions like
intended to connect with you emotionally
that you don't shut her down.
It's about wanting to try to understand
each other better and connect on a deeper level.
There's naughty in that one.
So again, how do you prevent cheating
from happening in this instance?
Well again, you can plan
special dates with each other
that means something to her
or a special gesture
that means something to her.
It really means caring enough
to pay attention to the little things
along the way.
It might sound like
hey, let's go to that new restaurant
you mentioned the other day.
Or if she's having problems
with her friend it might sound like,
what's going on with Mandy?
Hint, your job is to listen
not fix unless she asks for your help.
And yes, you can ask her do you want
me to listen or do you want me
to give you solutions
or offer solutions?
Don't assume she wants it fixed.
I know men love to fix.
That's your job, that's how you're built,
but women often arrive at solutions
and feel connected just by
talking about problems
or life or whatever.
If she says you never open up to her
ask her hey, what would you like
me to open up about?
But you know be specific
my mind doesn't work the same way yours does.
Okay, now the next one can be a bit tricky.
So, if you're older
or younger and don't have a sex drive
you might want to get your testosterone checked
because number three is
a lack of a satisfying sex life.
Ooh, ouch! I know this one's a real tender,
tender issue for men
because you're very, very sensitive
about your sexual performance
and wanting to please a woman.
And there's no question it's difficult
or it's challenging
to keep the spark alive
after a lot of years together.
But it is possible
you have to both want to try to though
sometimes after years of being together,
sexual incompatibility
can start to develop based on frequency
or novelty or hormones
whether it's your hormones or her hormones.
If either of you is sexually unsatisfied
you need to have open communication about that.
I know this is a tricky one
especially if you've never had
those kind of conversations,
it's going to feel very awkward
and you're going to feel very vulnerable.
Both sides are probably going to
be very sensitive about the topic.
So, it's very important
to introduce these kinds of
conversations early on
and continue to have them
ongoing maintenance forever after.
This might sound like
I know things change as time goes by
and I'd actually like to get back to
a place where we're more in sync
with physical intimacy.
What are some things I can do
to help you feel more relaxed
or less stressed?
So, you can maybe be in a place
where you want to explore
more physicality with me.
Key point when it comes to
arousal, sexual arousal
men are like micro waves.
You just turn them on
and women are like crock-pots.
Thank you, I can't remember
who told me that one.
I originally think I said
what did I say? Like ovens.
But yeah, crock pot even more
it takes way longer.
Starts not even that day.
It starts after the last time you had sex.
I know men and women are what?
Different, exactly.
Men are also logical
and women are emotional.
So, asking her straight up
how do I get more sex out of you
isn't going to work.
She's just going to feel
offended in on the defense.
Decoder not creator.
Here's the other part of this one though.
If you are having regular sex
but it's become like Monday night meatloaf
well you still need to spice it up a little.
You might want to try some new things
together or experience
some new things together
that translate to the bedroom.
And you might have to have a conversation
about what that's going to look like
within the bounds
and restrictions of your relationship.
Now, the next one is a little different
for men and women when it comes to cheating.
Number four is about neglect and abuse.
When a man in a long-term relationship
is neglected or abused by his woman
he often doesn't have a self-esteem
to go looking for someone else
because he doesn't feel he's worthy
of someone else.
However, it doesn't work the same way for women.
Even though her self-esteem
is just as likely to plummet
from neglect or abuse
she is more likely to cheat.
And this is where most men
assume women do the monkey branching.
And this, while they're accurate
this is when women monkey branch.
If they don't feel so low
and even if they do
they might cheat with somebody else
they believe can save them
from their primary relationship
of the neglector or the abuser.
Now, obviously to prevent
cheating in this category
don't neglect her or abuse her.
But sometimes neglect or abuse
can be a little bit more subtle than overt
and those are the areas where
you might slip up a little.
Again, because of the differences
between men and women
a woman might feel neglected
if a man is obsessed with work
or he's a workaholic.
He's out there busy
you know, making money for the family
to try and provide for the family.
And meanwhile she needs
more emotional connection
or if you're obsessed with hobbies
or friends that exclude her
she may feel neglected,
emotionally neglected at home.
And again, that's when
she's going to be susceptible
to someone else who comes in and provides
what you're not providing for her anymore.
70% of women who have affairs
fall in love with that other guy.
That's not about
only physical attraction and opportunity.
Unlike for men
who tend to have more frequent affairs
shorter term without falling in love.
So, how to prevent neglect, cheating,
well obviously don't abuse.
But also in today's world where women
are boss babes and working just as much as men
you need to have conversations
about maintaining the
connection within your relationship.
This might sound something like,
you know, I know I'm working long hours
to help us get ahead or stay afloat
or pay off debt,
but am I doing this
at the expense of our relationship?
Or it might be we're both working too much.
Are we both doing this
at the expense of our relationship?
Okay, now I'm going to give you the next one
which is one that
a lot of men assume is a primary reason.
And then I'm going to actually give you
two bonus reasons why women cheat
in long-term relationships.
So, number five is revenge
and this has more to do with her
character than anything you can do.
If she's an emotionally damaged woman
or a narcissist and you've done something
no matter how slight to betray her
she may cheat as a means of seeking revenge
even if you'll never find out about it.
Now, of course,
for your own integrity
you will want to make amends
for anything you've done that
you truly consider
air on your part in the relationship
that's just about being mature
and accountable in a relationship,
which you should expect from her as well.
Ladies, you need to start
taking more accountability.
Sorry but true.
But revenge goes beyond justice.
It's mean-spirited, contemptuous, and cruel.
No matter what you've done wrong
if she cheats on you for revenge
that's a major red flag.
Revenge can sound as innocent as
well, you did it first
or now or even ah, red flag.
A vengeful attitude is not a characteristic
that can be easily changed
and it will destroy your relationship.
Now, if you are the vengeful person
then you need to seek help
with a professional therapist
to deal with that
because it will ruin your relationships.
Okay, now I'm going to give you the two bonus
reasons why women cheat in long-term relationships.
And then we're going to fact check
once a cheater always a cheater
you might be surprised.
Bonus reason number one,
nature or nurture.
Wait, what do I mean by that?
Well, believe it or not
there are some new studies that show
there can be a genetic
predisposition to cheating
more common with men. Sorry fellas.
However, there's also potential
for social conditioning cheating.
If one or both of your parents cheated
you saw one or your both of your parents cheat
you are also more likely
to cheat in your relationship.
That doesn't mean you're going to
but the statistics show
people who've seen one
or both of their parents cheat
do cheat more often than
those who didn't see their parents cheat.
Bonus reason number two,
as a way out.
Cheating is usually
or at least often a final deal breaker.
So, if someone can't find
a legitimate reason to exit a relationship
then they might resort to cheating.
And it might not always
be a conscious choice.
And I must say
cheating is always a cowardly choice.
Okay, now, once a cheater always a cheater.
No.
However, if someone has cheated once
in a past relationship
they are 25% more likely to cheat
again in another future relationship.
Said another way that means there's a 75% chance
they won't cheat in another
relationship down the road.
However, the more often they've cheated
or the longer the affair went on
the more likely they will cheat.
And of course, cheating once
does not guarantee you will cheat again.
Sometimes you learn your lesson
and that's enough.
Understanding the reasons
why women cheat can help you take the steps
to strengthen the bond in your relationship
to help prevent cheating.
So, take the time to listen and communicate.
Do special things for each other.
There's no 100% guarantee,
but you can do what you can do
and if you're worried she might cheat
or she might already be veering toward
the cheating arena
then you're going to want to watch
my video on the signs
that she will cheat on you soon.
Thanks for being here.
Big hug, God bless.