[MUSIC PLAYING]
My life isn't exactly how I pictured it.
Hey, why are you taking that one off?
Take the clothes out of the dryer.
Wipe it around the floor.
It goes all the way over there.
When we first got married, I was going to finish school and
everything, and then we decided we should have a kid.
So then we were surprised by twins.
My idea of, like, two 18 months apart--instead I got
two six minutes apart, which is a big difference.
I'm shy.
Well, there was nowhere else to put it.
That's why we put it there.
Jason, can you make your bed?
It wasn't until they were about two, we thought maybe we
could handle another one.
So we kept trying and trying and trying, and then we
started going to doctors.
And then we started doing all of the infertility stuff.
And four years later, after we first started trying, we found
out that we couldn't have any more biological kids.
It was really hard.
I felt like I couldn't understand why.
I was trying to do everything right.
I was trying to keep all my covenants.
And I was trying to just be a good mom to the kids I had.
And I just couldn't understand why such a righteous
desire--it just wasn't being granted to me.
I really felt like I wasn't done with children yet.
I know everybody doesn't get everything they
want all the time.
So there's our first birth parent letter, and the
pictures we had to go with it were these.
I think the hardest part for me was just giving up control
and deciding that I was going to be OK even if I didn't get
what I wanted--giving that over to Heavenly Father and
telling him I was OK if it didn't turn out how I wanted,
that I was OK because what He wanted was better.
I think there was a lot of yearning and a lot of hope
that something would happen.
"For I do know that whosoever shall put their trust in God
shall be supported in their trials, and their troubles,
and their afflictions, and shall be lifted up at the last
day." So to me, that was a help, a lot, to me.
Honestly, I don't think anybody's life turns out
exactly how they want it to.
While in those seven years between when we decided we
wanted more kids and when Liam finally got to our
family--that seven years was a long time.
I had to fill my life with a lot of things that I probably
would have never had the opportunity had I been able to
have kids as soon as I wanted to.
I got to grow in ways that I would never have chosen for
myself but have made me who I am now.
When he was born, I got to be there.
And I got to be the first person to hold him.
He was mine just from the first second I
even looked at him.
So then I had to just wait that 24 hours before the birth
mom could sign.
And then that was the hardest thing.
I think I came home and I just was terrified that she would
change her mind and my baby would be gone, because he was
mine in every way to me.
Hello.
Hi.
Hey.
I think I'm more willing to let go and hand it over to God
than I was before.
That was a big turning point when I
could get to that point.
Did you like it?
OK, let's go do some laundry.
Now he's a little tornado through our house every day,
but we're so grateful to have him.