Translator: Leonardo Silva Reviewer: Amanda Chu
"Live so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity,
they think of you."
This is my guiding principle every day as I enter my workplace.
To become a butterfly,
a caterpillar first releases enzymes that dissolve all of its tissues,
essentially digesting itself.
All that's left at the end of the digestive process
are a group of highly organized cells called disks.
Those disks become the body parts of a butterfly.
Like the caterpillar,
you already have what you need to transform your workplace
into a place where every employee feels supported to be their best self.
Now, it may not be a pretty process,
similar to that visual of a caterpillar digesting itself,
but like the disks the caterpillar leaves behind,
you already have the raw material you need within you,
to transform your workplace into something extraordinary,
like a butterfly.
When you hear the word "bully,"
you probably picture that kid that picked on other kids,
called other kids names, stole lunch money.
You know that kid?
Well, similar characteristics exist in adults in the workplace,
yet there are no federal-level American laws
that specifically speak to workplace bullying.
Now, to be clear,
we do have 30 states and 2 territories
that have introduced Healthy Workplace Bills,
but none of those have been fully adopted into law.
And at the federal level,
we do have anti-harassment and anti-discrimination laws
that provide some protections for certain groups of Americans.
But the challenge we face
is that much of the behavior that would be classified as bullying
rarely ever rises to the level
of what our laws would consider illegal harassment.
What is bullying?
My favorite definition is the characterization
by one international workplace bullying expert
who says that workplace bullying is a psychological power imbalance
that can be equated to domestic violence.
Now, that's some pretty heavy stuff.
Given that there are no federal-level laws that address bullying in the workplace,
we have to rely on people,
our colleagues,
ourselves,
to make the choice to be better humans.
And how exactly do we do that?
From my perspective, the answer lies within every person in this room.
We have to have the courage to be different,
to go against the grain,
to lead.
Peter G. Northouse defines ethical leadership as a process,
a process by which a good person rightly influences others
to accomplish a common good,
to make the world better and more humane.
So if you can accept that leadership is a process
and a process can be learned,
then you can accept that you can choose to lead differently
within your span of influence
with respect to workplace bullying.
The Equal Employment Opportunity Commission
refers to bullying as general harassment
to make a differentiation between illegal harassment
and just a plain old lack of civility.
They found that there are two ways to address harassment in the workplace.
The first is to evoke a change in company culture.
The second is to focus on civility.
In fact, they say that it's on all of us
to be a part of the fight to stop workplace harassment.
We cannot choose to be complacent bystanders
and expect our workplaces to change themselves.
And if we are going to offer training,
that training should focus on respect and civility in the workplace,
not just a focus on eliminating illegal harassment.
In other words,
the EEOC is imploring companies
not just to focus on meeting the minimal legal requirement
of providing training or creating policies to address harassment,
but move to a higher level of morality
and take a true look at the lack of civility in the workplace.
Several years ago, I was an HR manager, reporting to a chief HR officer.
I got this job after being a stay-at-home mom for two years
with my oldest child.
The first week on the job, I was given an assignment by my boss,
and as I worked through the assignment,
I thought I should stop and check in with her
and see if I'm even on track to meet her expectations.
In a one-on-one meeting with her,
I gave her a hard copy of a rough draft of a spreadsheet that I'd created,
and she proceeded to take out a red pen,
start drawing Xs across my work, and sigh,
and murmur so many unflattering comments about me beneath her breath.
So, as the meeting progressed,
I decided to just say,
"Could you just tell me from scratch what exactly it is that you want
because clearly I've missed the mark?"
Her response to me was to take that hard copy of that spreadsheet,
that rough draft I'd given her,
throw it at me and say, "What do I want? What do I want? I want data I can use!"
I left that meeting, and I cried in the bathroom.
I wasn't sure in that moment
if it was me or of it was her.
I mean, come on, let's face it,
I'd just spent two years doing nothing but talking about poopy diapers
and setting up playdates and talking about nursing.
Was it possible that maybe I forgot
how to be the competent professional that I used to be?
That was the first of many incidents.
Her berating,
her sabotage of my work,
her defamation of my character went on for years.
As the HR manager that handled employee relations,
I was the one that people came to if they had an issue of this magnitude
with their colleague or boss or union representative,
but who did I have to turn to?
Who exactly does HR go to when HR is being bullied?
Finally, three years later, I reported her to the CEO.
Lots happened following that report,
none of which ended her employment or even caused her to have a demotion.
At least not immediately; that came years after I left.
But what I learned in that experience
is that I wasn't the first nor would I be the last body
in her trail of terror.
Was that bullying?
It was for me.
Let's fast-forward some years later
where I was the HR director, also reporting to a chief HR officer;
so, similar set-up.
And after a few months on the job,
I found out that some of my colleagues on my same team
had secretly taken pictures of my body parts
during a work event
where I guess, in their opinion, my clothes were ill-fitting.
The week that I found out this took place,
I chose to confide in a colleague
about my anger, my disgust and my disappointment
that, at this stage in my career,
I was dealing with behaviors
I would expect from middle school children!
By the end of that week,
I found out that the colleague I chose to confide in
also knew about the pictures when they were taken
and chose to do nothing.
Her inaction actually hurt more
than finding out about the malicious actions of others.
In this experience, my colleague chose the role of bystander.
That word "bystander,"
it implies passivity, it implies helplessness.
When you choose the role of bystander,
you give yourself an excuse for not acting.
You are not a bystander at all when you choose not to act;
you are a reinforcer.
You reinforce for the bully that their behavior is welcome,
and you allow, through your inaction, a toxic workplace culture to prevail.
James MacGregor Burns says that transformational leaders
cause their followers to raise one another
to higher levels of morality and motivation.
Everybody in this room
can personify the four "I's" of transformational leadership
because remember: leadership is a process,
and a process can be learned.
A transformational leader has idealized influence.
They lead by example, they are role models.
A transformational leader has intellectual stimulation.
This means they challenge assumptions.
They don't just do stuff because everybody is doing it
or do things because it's the way it's always been done.
They challenge those assumptions and ask for ideas without criticism.
A transformational leader has individualized consideration.
They recognize and understand
that every individual has individual needs,
unique needs.
A transformation leader has inspirational motivation.
They inspire a sense of purpose in a group.
You can be that transformational leader if you choose to be.
You can personify the four "I's" of idealized influence -
intellectual stimulation,
individualized consideration
and inspirational motivation -
if you choose to do so.
You can actually become this transformational leader
and personify these attributes
and end workplace bullying and impact your company culture
if you choose to do so.
The EEOC says that workplace culture has the greatest impact
on allowing harassment to flourish,
or conversely, in preventing harassment.
And remember, in this report,
the EEOC is talking about both general harassment - bullying -
and illegal harassment.
Workplace bullying is one of those equal opportunity sports:
everybody does it, sadly.
Of the individuals who've reported having been bullies,
46% are women,
54% are men.
So, it's pretty equal numbers.
Bullying is prevalent amongst co-workers and colleagues,
and it's been found to be one the most impactful, deviant actions
that affect a worker's personal health and work experience.
In both of my personal examples,
you may see both as bullying,
you may say one is bullying and the other is not,
or you may say,
"I don't know why she's making such a big deal out of either of them;
neither one of those are bullying."
Fair enough.
However, the physical and psychological impact on me as a person
supports my stance that I was bullied
because the focus has to be on the impact to the victim,
not the intent of the perpetrator.
Two "I's":
it's about the impact, not the intent.
Anywhere from 38% to 90% of American workers
have reported being bullied at work.
Those workers spend 52% of their day talking about it.
Just think about the immense impact on productivity because of bullying.
In an article published in the American Journal of Public Health,
bullying has been linked to suicidal ideation.
People actually sit around and think about how, when and where to kill themselves
because the bullying is so bad at their jobs.
In one research study,
those workers who've reported being bullied,
80% of them also reported suffering from anxiety;
52%, from panic attacks;
49%, from depression;
and 30%, from post-traumatic stress disorder.
With the understanding that bullying is so pervasive,
yet often not even illegal,
will you make the choice today
to lead differently within your span of influence
with respect to workplace bullying?
Have you observed bullying in your workplace
and chosen the role of reinforcer?
Maybe you now realize that you may in fact have been the bully.
Don't wait until a co-worker commits suicide
or sinks so deep into clinical depression they can't find their way out
before you act.
Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook,
says that leadership is about making others better
as a result of your presence
and making sure that impact lasts in your absence.
My question for you today
is: Are you living your life
so that when your children think of fairness, caring and integrity,
they think of you?
Selah ...
Pause ...
Reflect.
(Applause)