>>> HEY, MAN. HOW IS BUSINESS?
WANT TO BUY THE UNDERPANTS? >> ACTUALLY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
MAYBE I SHOULD TRY THEM ON FIRST.
♪♪ >> TRY THEM ON?
>> YOU WANT TO TAKE THIS PAIR OF UNWASHED I LOVE NEW YORK
UNDERPANTS AND PUT THEM ON YOUR NAKED BODY?
>> YEAH. DO YOU HAVE A FITTING ROOM OR
SOMETHING? >> OH, SURE, WE GOT A FITTING
ROOM. HEY, TIMES SQUARE MINIONS!
WHY DON'T YOU SHOW THIS GUY OUR FITTING ROOM.
THE BACK OF THE STORE WHERE THE PEOPLE OF TIMES SQUARE HABITATE.
♪ MATT GOT -- TONIGHT MANY A -- WILL FIGHT
IF YOU TAKE A SELFIE ♪ ♪ THEN YOU BETTER
GIVE US MONEY OR I'LL SHOW ♪
♪ YOUR DAUGHTER A KNIFE ♪ >> AFTER SEEING THAT, DO YOU
STILL WANT TO BUY THE UNDERWEAR? >> YEAH, I LOVE NEW YORK AND I
WANT MY MODEST BULGE TO SHOW THAT.
>> OF ALL THE ITEMS IN THE STORE, HA HA, YOU SEE YOU
MADE -- ♪ ONE GREAT MISCALCULATION
BUYING FILTHY UNDERWEAR BUT WITH NO HESITATION ♪
♪ WE'LL NEST IN YOUR PUBIC HAIR
ONE MILLION NOVELTY ITEMS ♪ ♪ AND HE CHOSE THOSE
IT'D BE LIKE SHOPPING AT ARBY'S ♪
♪ FOR PANTYHOSE ONE SKID MARK ON THE INSIDE
NOT THE ONLY STAIN I SEE ♪ ♪ YOU'LL PROBABLY GET AN STD
SO RUN SOME YOU WOULD HAVE ♪
♪ TO BE PSYCHOTIC OR TAKE A STRONG
ANTIBIOTIC ♪ ♪ DON'T BUY THOSE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> DUDE.
THINGS SEEM REALLY BAD IN TIMES SQUARE.
>> YEAH. WHEN DO YOU THINK THINGS ARE
GOING TO BOUNCE BACK? >> THAT'S WHAT I WANT TO KNOW.
>> SHRIMP LOUIS, THE BUBBA GUMP SHRIMP MASCOT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE STILL HERE, DARLING.
♪ WHERE HAVE THEY GONE THE TOURISTS WHO CAME
WHO WILL EAT ALL ♪ ♪ OF MY SHRIMP
LIKE SPIKED LEMONADE ♪ ♪ SEND IN THE CROWDS THOSE
CONFUSED GERMAN CROWDS ♪ ♪ WE MISS TKTS AND BAD SEATS FOR
KEEPS ♪ ♪ EVEN TIM HORTON'S HAS CLOSED
CANADIANS WEEP ♪ ♪ WHERE ARE THE CROWDS I KISSED
GROOT WITHOUT CROWDS ♪ >> I SEE ONE GUY ACROSS THE
STREET WITH BINOCULARS. >> OH, THAT'S NOT A TOURIST,
THAT'S THE DIDDLER ON THE ROOF. ♪♪
♪ STRIP OFF YOUR CLOTHES NO ONE WILL KNOW ♪
♪ PEEK THROUGH MY LEGS ♪ AND CALL IT MY UNCUT GEM ♪
>> THIS MUST BE WHY EVERYONE'S MOVING TO CONNECTICUT OR NEW
JERSEY AND BUYING ONE-ROOM SHACKS FOR $900,000.
>> FOOLS! YOU DON'T GIVE UP ON MY CITY
THAT EASY. ♪ I LIVED THROUGH WARHOL I LIVED
THROUGH BETHENNY FRANKEL ♪ ♪ AND I'M HERE
DANCED FOR THE '86 METS AND BROKE MY ANKLE BUT I'M HERE ♪
♪ I LIVED THROUGH TIMES SQUARE FILLED WITH WHORES ♪
♪ NOW HERE ON SEX AND THE CITY TOURS ♪
♪ MY FIRST APARTMENT WAS A DRAWER BUT I'M HERE ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] ♪ I'VE BEEN TO NOBO NOHO AND
CBCG BUT I'M HERE ♪ ♪ ONCE ON THE PAT TRAIN I SWEAR
THAT I SAW ♪ ♪ SOON-YI
BUT I'M HERE STEPPED OVER BODIES ♪
♪ DRAWN IN CHALK I KNEW SON OF SAM
THE DOGS COULD TALK ♪ ♪ I DO THE MARATHON
BUT I WALK AND I'M HERE ♪
♪ I'M STILL HERE ♪ [ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ]
>> OH, NO, LOOK WHO'S COMING OUR WAY, THAT WOMAN FROM
WESTCHESTER. SHE HAS VISIBLE COVID.
♪ THE MINUTE I CROSSED THE BRIDGE I KNEW THAT NEW ROCHELLE
WOULD TRY AND PIN THE BLAME ON ME ♪
♪ SUPER-SPREADER SPREAD A LITTLE RONA WITH ME ♪
[ CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ] >> WE GOT TO GET AWAY FROM HER.
>> DON'T WORRY, THAT HOMELESS GUY STAYING AT A NEARBY LUXURY
HOTEL WILL CHASE HER OFF. >> WHERE IS RICK MORANIS?
>> OUT OF MY STORE, OUT OF MY STORE.
>> THIS PLACE IS NUTS, MAN. I'D MOVE SOMEWHERE ELSE BUT THIS
WHOLE COUNTRY'S CRAZY. >> I KNOW THIS COUNTRY SEEMS
TERRIBLE RIGHT NOW, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?
MOVE. LOOK AT THESE UNDERPANTS.
REMEMBER THEY STARTED THIS WHOLE THING?
YOU REALIZE AMERICA IS LIKE THESE UNDERPANTS?
BECAUSE -- >> I GET IT.
>> NO. I KNOW YOU GET IT.
LET ME EXPLAIN IT TO THE REST OF US.
SURE, THESE UNDERPANTS ARE RIDDLED WITH UGLINESS AND
DISEASE. BUT THEY STILL STAND FOR
SOMETHING. LOVE.
THAT'S WHY I DIDN'T WANT TO SELL THEM.
BECAUSE THEY GIVE ME HOPE. >> AND I'M ESPECIALLY HOPEFUL
NOW. BECAUSE WE ONLY HAVE --
♪ THREE DAYS MORE THREE MORE DAYS
TO THE ELECTION ♪ ♪ BUT THE RESULTS MAY TAKE
MONTHS ♪ ♪ IT FEELS LONGER THAN "THE
IRISHMAN" ♪ BOY THAT MOVIE NEEDED CUT ♪
♪ THREE MORE DAYS OF INSTAGRAMING ♪
♪ THIRTY SELFIES THAT -- SO JUST PLEASE ♪
♪ JUST MAKE IT FAST NOVEMBER 3rd ELECTION DAY
NOVEMBER 3rd SO FAR AWAY ♪ ♪ NOVEMBER 3rd A WEDNESDAY
OR A TUESDAY I'M NOT SURE ♪ ♪ I DON'T VOTE WHAT'S THE
POINT ♪ ♪♪