-What was holding them back was Blake Bortles.
-I'm going with the Rams. -Ahhhhhh!
-[laughs]
- Da-da, da-da, da, da, da
-I can do a little bit more than sell newspapers, Chris.
-I love it.
[laughs]
-That man smacks a lot harder than you--
-Oh, I know, I-- [laughs]
Stop. -The Melvins, uh,
we battle them later in the show.
Uh, welcome-- Simms & Lefkoe.
Uh, there's one place we have to start.
-Yes.
-You are so obsessed with a quarterback right now
that you compared him to Aaron Rodgers.
-Yes. -And I've never heard you
compare someone to Aaron Rodgers--
-Well, -the Mahomie.
I mean, what he is doing is special--
-Patrick Mahomes, by the way. -Patrick Mahomes, our homie.
And you know I loved him coming out in the draft,
but what's there not to love?
I mean, a guy that's cool and calm under pressure.
Oh, he's got one of the greatest arms in the sport?
I've never seen anything like what he's doing.
-Really? -Two games into his career?
Yes, it's jaw-dropping. -No one has
-10 touchdowns,
no interceptions. -Yes.
-No quarterback has done that for the first two weeks.
-No. -But my question
We've seen this with Andy Reid's team.
We saw last year, 5-0, 6-0,
and then they get figured out. -Right.
-Do you think he gets figured out?
-Uh, no disrespect to prior Andy Reid quarterbacks,
but you can't figure this out.
W-what does--
Patrick Mahomes makes you defend more of the field
maybe than any other quarterback in the history of the sport
when you couple along Tyreek Hill, Sammy Watkins,
Kelce down the middle.
Oh, yeah, a good smashmouth run game?
Then all the Andy Reid speed sweeps.
Every inch of the field has to be guarded.
That's where it's gonna be special.
And Mahomes is the most talented quarterback he's ever had. Hey -
-More than McNabb? -McNabb, hey, you're great, man.
There's no doubt.
Alex Smith, you're really good, too.
But this guy has a chance to be talked about
as one of the greatest players of all time.
I've always felt that way -Wow.
-and we might have to put another shrine behind us soon.
-Uh. - Oh, Mahomies
-Oh, my gosh.
-I like you. I was gonna go another question,
but honestly it's perfect,
cuz you know what our next segment is?
-What is that? -"Whoa,
-Whoa! -"Big Take!"
Simms, when it comes to "Whoa, Big Take" this week,
there's only one guy that
we thought would be appropriate. -Right.
-Blake Bortles. -Oh, shocker.
-Cuz everybody thinks that you're just a big take artist.
-Right. -Yeah.
-Yeah, I know.
I don't sit and watch film all week and study,
and I haven't learned anything in my days
from being with Jon Gruden or Mack Brown or Bill Belichick.
-All right, that's enough. -I just have takes.
-But we're hopping in
the "Whoa, -[together] Big Take" time machine.
-Uh-oh. -to take you back
to a certain man's takes--
a certain Chris Simms. -Right.
-2017, you said: If he gets cut by the Jags,
he will never play in the NFL again.
-I stand by those comments.
I believed that at that time.
Yes, he was hot garbage.
-You then followed it up a few months later with: Bortles
was not put on Earth to throw the football.
-Uh, da-da-da-da-da-da.
He admits that to people.
Thank you.
-All right, -Yes.
Do I think it's stupid?
[laughs] -Oh, my gosh.
-It's so f---ing stupid it's hilarious.
[laughs]
-That was your reaction -I m embarrassed.
to when he got the new contract. -Yes.
-You sound like Heath Ledger and the Joker.
-Yes, I--That's what I was channeling there.
-So nothing changes after he just knocked off
the Patriots in impressive fashion.
-No--things change. This was the jumping off spot.
You know me. -I do.
-I mean, last year I was saying
Jacksonville is the best team in football
for the second year in a row,
and what was holding them back was Blake Bortles.
If he can just hit those plays that are there to be had
with that Jacksonville team,
they are going to win the Super Bowl.
I have no doubt about that.
-I know that a lot of people want you to apologize
to Blake Bortles. -Right.
-But you actually want to say You're welcome to them.
-Well, I mean, I kept it real with you, man.
You needed to put my face on some targets in the offseason
and just bust me in the face.
I've given you the motivation.
Everybody was always saying nice things about him.
-Yes. -"He's a good guy.
We like him in the locker room."
I just brought it real, and maybe I gave him
just the nudge he needed every morning to go,
"I'm gonna get out of bed
and prove that asshole Chris Simms wrong."
-If you end up being best friends with Blake Bortles,
this is over,
cuz I am your best football friend,
and I will not stand for other people being your friend.
-Don't you worry.
We're BFFs forever, buddy, old pal.
-I appreciate that.
We think we're best football friends,
so we're gonna go around the league this season
and find different friends that think they can compete
with us. With our friendship. -Good luck.
-And we're gonna start with the Chargers, the Melvins.
Melvin Ingram--scary dude,
best pass-rusher in the NFL, maybe.
Melvin Gordon--three touchdowns against Buffalo.
They think they're friends,
but are they better football friends than us?
-No way. -No way.
-I feel terrible, cuz they trash.
-Dude, we're in trouble.
♪
-This is our referee, Nicole.
Don't disrespect her. She will throw--
You get a 15-yard penalty in a hurry around here.
-No problem. Sorry, Nicole.
-Easy one.
-Lefkoe. -Yeah.
-You guys can't just write "Melvin."
-Pick your battles wisely. We can just write Melvin.
-No, we don't. -[offscreen] after your name.
-All right, fine.
We're gonna listen to Melvin Ingram,
cuz he's gonna beat our butts if we don't.
-[offscreen] OK, let's see.
[laughter]
-I'm throwing the challenge flag on that.
Ugh, all right.
I know I got the state right.
I'm not sure. Ready.
[bell dings] -Nebraska.
-Hm. I think that's high.
That's a little too high.
Wasn't that great of a year.
-What did he rush for? -What is it?
-Yeah, you said within 100.
-[producer] It was 1,105. [buzzer sounds]
-You gonna short me like that now?
You can't even get a thou?
-He doesn't even think you're a 1,000-yard rusher.
-Wow. -Wow.
Damn. I thought you knew your friend.
-OK, I know what team it wasn't.
Oh, I got it.
-That definitely ain't it.
His answer was sho way shorter than yours.
-[laughs] -That's all I heard.
Turn em around. -[producer] Yeah, you're--
[buzzer sounds] -Colorado?
They're in my Big 12, I can't play them in the bowl game.
-What was it? -LSU, Nick Saban.
-You beat LSU? Yeah.
You didn't think that was possible?
-Well, that's wrong. -[offscreen] No.
-[laughs]
[bell dings] -[offscreen] Damn.
[bell dings]
-I'mma go this.
[bell dings] -[offscreen] Oh!
-Yep.
-Bam.
-Gosh. -That's sad.
-That is sad.
It's sad you're coming in here and bullying us.
-Yeah.
-Ready with the first cup.
-I trust you. We can get them here.
Come on. -OK.
-They're, like, game-planning over here.
I don't know what they're doing.
-[producer] Ready, set, go!
-Just throw it in the first cup. Yep. There -
All right, good. The next one, go ahead.
Don-- Oh, yep, throw it in there.
Go ahead. Go again.
-[offscreen] Yes. - Go back to the one.
Nope, nope. Nope. -Yeah, right--
-All right, new cup, all the way to the end.
There it is, come on, come on.
All--to the right more. -[unintelligible offscreen]
No, no, you drop-- Take it out.
-No, no, no. -[offscreen] Which one?
-No, I know. Let's hurry up. I just want to beat em.
-Right here? -Yep--
No, one more, one more. -Red to the third cup.
[whistle blows] -Good.
-Are you serious? -Yeah, they beat us.
-[laughs]
-You got some slow, fat hands.
-I was moving at such a steady pace.
-Slow, fat hands. -Let's do it.
-I swear I'm not even good at this game.
-Me neither. I ain't never played.
-How much is it worth?
-[producer] It'll be worth 10 points. -Ooh!
-How much were the first two games?
-[producer] You have 9 and they have 2. -What?
Y'all put the last game on Jenga?
-You feel me? That's how you know you deal
with people who lose all the time.
-I think this is the one. -Yeah, that's the one.
-Oh, so that's the key, Mel. You got see if it--if it move.
-Don't steal--play your game. -[laughs]
-[laughs]
-What you talking about?
-I ve never been around so many people
that have never played Jenga before.
-That moved so easily.
-OK, and I have one hand.
-Wow, you went for that one, huh?
-Yeah, I like to make it
a little harder on M.G. over there.
Look at the fear in his eyes.
-Oh, I know. -Ooh!
-Hot doggy. -You're so gentle.
-Wow, what a nice touch you have.
-Yeah, push it. -Yeah.
-Hey. -There it is.
-Hey! -Hey!
-Hey!
-That's for you right there.
-I love it. [laughs] - I gotta go talk to HR.
He's not used to being hit like that, Melvin.
Hit him again. He'll like that.
-That's not how teamwork works.
-Well done, Lefkoe, well done.
Whoo!
-Yo, your pointing is so reckless...
-I swear-- -...it was like--
-And he heavy-handed--God.
Y'all got to be trying to tell him.
-Oh, his hands are heavy and big.
-That's it. -What?
-If you don't hold it up--
-Fall! Fall!
-Ah-- -Whoo!
How you like them apples?!
-I know! -That other side--
-You should have been, "Ah!"
-Next year y'all gonna pull up, again, right,
and we ain't finishing with Jenga.
-Next year, we'll come back with a whole new set.
♪
-Nobody comes on our show and beats us.
-Ever. -Our show.
-Speaking of beating people,
Ryan Fitzpatrick is not only beating them on the field,
he's beating them in the press conferences.
Everybody has seen his outfit.
Kind of looked like Conor McGregor,
but the "look like" is the key. -Right.
-Simms, on the internet a few months ago,
there was a meme called
"What Does It Look Like I Do for a Living?"
We're gonna do it quarterback edition.
-I like it. -Let's start off first--
Ryan Fitzpatrick.
What does it look like he does for a living, Simms?
-Oh, he looks like he is from, like, the Netherlands,
and he is a DJ at a techno club.
It's Hans Fitzpatrick.
Da, da, da, da-da da, da
- Da-da, da-da, da da - Da-da, da-da, da da
-Tom Brady--what does it look like he does for a living?
-This is Armani's top designer. -Too much. Too little.
-I don't like it. -I don't like it.
-I like all black. -All black.
-Billy Belichick told me to-- -You're a tiger.
-Roar for me.
-"Roar, Gisele, roar."
-Tom Brady looks like he's the fourth Migo.
-I actually like this outfit. -All right, next!
-Oh, God. -Andrew Luck--
What does it look like he does for a living?
-He sells Tupperware in the movie Napoleon Dynamite.
I think that's who that is. "Hey!
Look, it never crushes!
You can put it under a wheel!"
I mean, that's what he looks like.
-Andrew Luck looks like a guy
that's really trying to get you hooked on a pyramid scheme.
"Trust me." - "Trust me."
"If you get your friends and family,
you're gonna be--millions." -"Give me your money."
-Phil Simms-- -What the hell?
-What does it look like he does for a living?
-I, I-- -He is a stud, first of all.
-I don't know about a stud,
but he looks like he's like a guitarist for the Eagles?
I don't know what the hell he was trying to do there.
-He looks like the guy
that bullies people at the local dojo.
-He looks like "Put him in a body bag, Johnny"?
-Yes. -He does kind of look like that.
-"Put him in a body bag, Johnny."
-Do you think he's gonna be upset when he sees this?
-He'll get over it.
-What's up? I'm Sam Darnold.
And screw Simms.
You're watching "Sam & Lefkoe."
-I love Sam Darnold. I am a fan.
Are you a fan? -I am a fan.
-I hope so. -I am.
-Don't disrespect him. -Don't be a stalker, dude.
-We've noticed with the L.A. teams,
fans are an issue,
so Simms and I went to L.A... -Yep.
-And we wanted to recruit fans.
I recruited for the Rams.
-I went for the L.A. iPhone Chargers.
-Yeah, we made our own logos.
I kind of like yours more than mine.
-You should. It's cooler.
-And it's Simms versus Lefkoe.
Who can get more fans for their team?
-You're going down!
-Why did you touch my ear?
I'm gonna pay you this compliment--
-Uh-huh. -One of the most attractive men
on this beach. -Oh, see, Eric, now he's a liar.
We're in Southern California.
There's a lot of handsome people here.
♪
-Why don't you go first
and try to convince him to be a Chargers fan.
-Well, you can't root for the Rams anymore.
They already left L.A. once.
So they don't really like L.A., I don't think.
The Chargers--
You got Philip Rivers, gonna be a Hall of Famer--
-Aqib Talib. Ndamukong Suh. And the youngest head coach.
He's not that much older than you.
-The Rams-- OK, was like a bad divorce.
The Chargers were good but without a home,
so it's like a broken home.
I say I'm gonna go with them.
-Ohhh, yes!
-I like the honesty, actually, like, he's giving right now.
-There you go, Eric. Chargers!
-If you choose the Rams, they're someone
that every Sunday, they're gonna bring you joy.
You what they're gonna bring you?
Constipation.
So, who you picking? -I'm with the Rams.
-Put that baby on.
I'm one. Can I get both?
-You know, when I think Hollywood
and I think the spotlight,
I definitely see Todd Gurley and Jared Goff together.
-Oh, baby!
Two for two!
Pick a hat, and then put it on.
-Yeah!
Booyah!
-I'm here from Australia.
I'm gonna say which team is the better team?
-I really want to do your accent bad.
-He's adobe.
-[australian accent] It's kind of like a newborn kangaroo--
fresh, feeling good, springy, a little hoppy.
-He did do a great Australian accent as well.
-Yes!
Ride the riptide.
We're gonna catch some waves.
We're gonna shred the gnar.
-They're all Hollywood.
It's all about "We look pretty and cool."
But they're not really proven.
You know what? I'm just gonna let you have Gail.
She's... -[laughs]
Do you like the Chargers or the Rams better?
Blue one.
-Yeah! This is great.
-The next team picked
is the winner of the L.A. Fan Challenge.
-I thought this shoot was over already, and I won.
-What position did you try out for the Chargers?
-Field-goal kicker. -Incredible.
And then you grew up a fan of what team?
-The Los Angeles Rams. -OK.
So we're even here, Simms.
-Yeah. -When you walked up here, Rod,
I went, "Is that Aaron Donald with his shirt off?"
You know what team he plays for?
-I'm going with the Rams.
Rams-- the team of L.A., Simms.
-I had a double-dipper
with the daughter and the father,
and that should have been two of my hats.
These last rounds didn't even count.
Winner. I won.
-I mean, he's always like this.
It's beyond frustrating.
-My hope with "Somebody & Lefkoe"
was we were gonna find somebody that was the Oracle--
a bettor that hadn't bet yet.
Allie is 2-for-2, and he's nailing it.
This week, Jets travel to Cleveland.
Browns are favored by 3.
The only person I'm trusting with my money is Allie.
This smile on my face--
That's cuz my man Allie is back-to-back.
He's the Oracle, and I think he's going for three.
Allie, Allie-Allie, Allie -[laughter]
My man Adam. How you doing, brother?
-How are you doing? -I'm good.
-Cuz I have $119.05.
-I like it.
-Congratulations. -Thank you.
-You're blowing my mind.
-Now, listen, I told you
I was gonna let it build up, right?
-So I have the $113 from last week,
on top of what's gonna come next--
-Where's the 65 cents? Did you spend--?
-Oh, I have it.
I have it. I have it.
-So wow, so you're really building it up.
-Absolutely. -See, I was doubting you,
but now I'm all aboard the Allie train.
-Just like your boy Chris, right?
He said all I can do is sell newspapers, right? Hah.
-You got something you'd like to say to him real quick?
-Oh, I can do a little bit more than sell newspapers, Chris.
This week's game--
It is the J-E-T-S, Jets, Jets, Jets.
They travel to Cleveland.
Cleveland is the favorite. Where are you going?
Take me through the mental mindset.
-Well, I'm a Jets fan.
They're both coming off losses...
-They are. -...but I like Darnold
snapping back.
-You do? -I do.
-So he did have some picks, but he threw for 345.
You think Darnold bounces back, and then, who wins the game?
-I like the Jets. -Wow.
Straight-up win?
-Yep. -You've heard it here first.
Don't listen to Simms and me pick.
Only listen to the Oracle, Allie.
Jets.
-J-E-T-S.
Jets, Jets, Jets.
-2-and-0. He's taking over your nickname.
He is going the Jets +3 in Cleveland.
Are you finally ready to agree with Allie?
-Hell no, Allie. Let's go Brownies.
I'm going the Browns. They're at home.
-This is a little rivalry that I think can blossom.
-Yeah, I like it.
-Almost as good as your Bortles rivalry.
-All right, so Bortles-- You famously had him at 70.
We've been talking all show. You're moving him up
because of how he's played the last two games...
-Certainly.
-...and the playoffs. -Right.
Your new number for Blake Bortles at this moment is?
-I don't have a specific number, but he's in the mid-30s.
I got to evaluate everybody here.
It's Week 2, but I know between the AFC Championship Game,
the first two weeks of the year--
-Mid-30s. -He's mid-30s.
-You had Eli at 38 last season.
Is he ahead of Eli? -Yes.
That's not--yes. -Not even a question?
-Not even a question.
-I would rather have Blake Bortles than Eli Manning.
He can run, he'll stand in the pocket and make throws,
and Bortles is tough as hell.
-Are you saying that Eli Manning's face
on Sunday night isn't tough?
Take a look into the eyes
of an absolute, tough-as-nails competitor.
-Ah. -Eli--what sound do you think
he's making there? -"Oh, gosh, don't hit me!
They're not paying me enough for this."
-So, I want to know what every quarterback in the NFL's face is
when they get get sacked... -Right.
-So we're creating the hashtag "Sackface."
-We're talking about quarterbacks.
-So when you're watching your quarterback on Sunday,
hit DVR when he gets sacked, hit that pause button
and send it to us on Twitter with the hashtag "Sackface."
-We're talking about quarterbacks.
-What do you think your Sackface was like?
-Oh, tough, fearless, just like,
"Rrr, bring it on, Ray Lewis, Julius Peppers.
You can't bring me down."
That's pretty much what it was.
-I think it was more like, "Ohh, please! Don't do this to me!"
-"Blow the whistle, blow the whistle!"
-Find his Sackface picture too.
Again, the hashtag "Sackface."
For Simms... -Peace out, homies.
-...I am the L-E-F-K-O-E... -Man.
-...and it's always been a pleasure.
"Simms & Lefkoe"-- We're out.
Enjoy the games.
♪
-All right, those are my two.
-[offscreen] Hey, I'm gonna keep it real with you.
-You watched him write 11! -Oh.
Yeah, you can't do-- -He did, just like this.
-Well, my dad was 11 too, so it was like--
-He did not know it until you wrote 11.
-I didn't even see it. -He got it wrong
cuz I didn't wear a 2.
-Hey, honest to God, did you get 11 from him?
-[laughs] -I swear--
-I have a feud.