- So a couple weeks ago Chris and I went to San Francisco
to shoot some videos.
While we were there however we managed to stumble across
a Future Toilet.
I had a great time using the Future Toilet.
- I used the Future Toilet and it was a nightmare.
("Quirky Countdown")
But it's a toilet that has a bidet built in
and also other features.
I'm excited.
I've never used a Future Toilet.
This is big for me.
- And Keith is infectious.
You know his enthusiasm made me go,
"You know I don't have to poop,
"but I want to try the Future Toilet."
- So of course I pull out my cell phone.
But now I had to use the bathroom.
I actually really had to use the bathroom.
And then awesome.
I'm done using the bathroom.
Now the fun begins.
Oooh (laugh).
All right, I see.
This is great.
So it's like okay, I get it, but I want more.
You know, so I upped the pressure a little bit.
I can go max pressure.
I'm like full blast.
This is great.
This is amazing, I feel so clean.
- So Keith probably told a story about
how he warmed it up
and tried to like figure things out.
I just sat down and was ready to go.
Once again, I did not have to poop.
Max pressure so I guess I just start it at max pressure.
Ummm, oh God. Oh my God.
- Ahh.
- I feel so clean.
- Oh my God.
- I feel so clean.
I think this thing goes forever.
- Bzzzzz, and so it goes like bzzzz.
And it's like oh, it doesn't stop on its own.
It will just keep going unless you stop it.
So I'm sitting there with just water
shooting out my empty (beep) hole.
Um, not cleaning anything off of it,
just penetrating me with water.
Now here's the good part.
I turn the bidet off and I'm like well, okay,
I guess I just got shot in the (beep) with some water.
I guess that was supposed to be relaxing.
Huh, I guess I have to poop now.
But of course I had to poop
because I essentially had a water balloon in my (beep) hole.
So I start pooping and it's just a waterfall,
just water just comes out of my butt
and then poop follows it.
It's not really diarrhea.
It's just like poop paste like and it's like everywhere.
- I feel clean. I feel refreshed.
- And I don't even know what part of me
isn't full of poop anymore.
- Overall for me I had a great time using the Future Toilet.
- I felt alone and with a machine.
- Oddly, slightly aroused and I don't know
if that's a bidet feature but that's just what was going on.
- I'm like I've got to go.
I don't even know what just happened.
I feel violated.
- It was a great experience.
I think if I had the option I would use it all the time.
- It's like traumatizing to me,
but Keith thinks it's really funny
so he set up lights and a background
for us to talk to a camera about this story.
And it's really just about how terrible my experience was.
I don't really want this to go on the internet.
I've like lost track of what is
and what isn't private anymore.
I work at BuzzFeed (laugh).
- [Voiceover] (mumble) Let's go. I've got it.