What does it take to write a headline
that is just too captivating to scroll past?
Well, come along with me as I take you through
one of my favorite copywriting exercises ever.
I'm about to let you look over my shoulder,
as I critique five headlines on the fly.
What made them great?
What left me wanting more?
And what could make them even more powerful?
Keep watching.
(upbeat music)
Hey Posse, what's up?
It's Alex, and if you've been following me on Instagram,
@copyposse then you've probably seen my regular
Make It Hotter posts, like this one.
Where I find an ad, headline, or subject line,
and put it out to the community to,
yes, you guessed it, make it hotter.
Now, not only is this one of my favorite ways to practice,
but it's also a really great way
to see how other copywriters think,
which ultimately helps you better understand
why certain things work, and why certain things don't.
And the best part of this exercise for me
is that I get to read your headlines,
and then critique the top voted submissions.
So in today's video, I'm gonna take you through
one of my latest additions of Make It Hotter,
and break down my critiques of each headline,
point by point, so let's get started.
Now first, let's take a look at this post,
where I ask the Posse Community
to make this headline even hotter.
So this was a headline from the dance app Steezy Studio.
Their copy reads, "Dance classes for everyone.
The world's best dance learning tools at your fingertips.
Start free for seven days, get started."
Well with 167 submissions and counting,
the Posse seriously brought their A game for this one.
But before I get into my critiques of the submissions,
let's first look at Steezy's original copy,
what worked, what was lacking,
and what could be done better.
So the first thing I notice
is that they're really utilizing
the novelty hook in this ad,
where they say, "The world's best dance learning tools."
And that's great because if I'm the type of person
who wants to improve my dance skills, then hell yeah,
I want the world's best.
Now looking at the main headline, it's not bad,
but it is pretty broad, right?
It's not calling out a specific audience here at all.
I mean, they say it's for everyone.
And everyone knows that if you try to sell to everyone,
you end up selling to no one.
So I would love to see our Posse
get a bit more specific in their rewrites.
And finally, Steezy has an awesome and clear CTA,
start free for seven days,
with a button that says, "Get started."
I think it's great, remember that confusion
is the biggest conversion killer.
So your CTA should always be simple and straightforward,
telling the reader exactly what to do next.
Overall, a really good headline,
but I can't wait to see what the Posse thinks.
Before I do my critiques, here's a quick recap
of my three-step formula for writing hot headlines,
write a strong headline should H, hook attention, right?
So start with a concept or idea
that really grabs the reader's attention.
Like fear, joy, controversy, FOMO, nostalgia, right?
Or promising a desired result, or a clear USP,
which is the unique selling proposition.
Next, your headline needs to O, open a loop.
Yes, it should pique curiosity,
and incentivize your audience to read further.
And lastly it should T, target your audience,
making it crystal clear
exactly who you are speaking to and why.
All right, so now let's dive in
to the Posse's headlines submissions,
along with my critiques.
So these five headlines
were actually selected for a critique,
because they received the most amount of likes
or votes from the community.
All right, so here we have a headline written by Chris.
Now, I'll read it out loud,
and then I'll share my critiques.
You can see them up on the screen here.
"Beyonce will be so jealous of you.
Try the best dance classes for free,"
and then in brackets, "7 days,
and become bootylicious." (laughing)
"Start shaking it."
So, first of all, of course I have to say this,
I freaking love the Beyonce hook.
She's an incredible dancer.
Also, what I love about it is that by mentioning Beyonce,
you are indirectly speaking to an audience
of Beyonce fans, and I can picture
exactly who that is in my mind.
So I think that that makes a very, very strong, clear hook,
speaking directly to the target audience.
The one thing I will say
is that it does lack a little bit of believability.
So when you guys are writing your copy,
there's this idea of believability,
which is really, really important.
If someone doesn't believe that they can achieve
what you're saying, it makes your copy,
or your ad, or your headline
lose a little bit of credibility.
So I love the Beyonce concept,
but is there a way that you can actually change it,
to be a stronger benefit,
without losing the Beyonce effect, right?
So Beyonce being jealous of you isn't really a benefit,
and it's also not believable, because it's Beyonce.
(laughing) But what about, "Own the dance floor
like Beyonce," right?
So you're still using Beyonce, I'm saying Beyonce a lot,
you're still using Beyonce,
but you're communicating a really clear benefit, right,
own the dance floor.
I love that, I think it's perfect.
It's using your concept,
and just taking it one step further.
"Try the best dance classes for free, seven days."
I love that, I wanna know more.
Why are they the best?
So possibly using some of the original concept
of get access to the best learning tools,
classes, moves, routines.
I just want to know a little bit more.
And I know that the original ad didn't have this,
but I think it's an opportunity
to really clarify the USP a little bit more.
The other thing is careful with using brackets,
when it doesn't make the copy actually more readable.
So in this case, "Try the best dance classes for free,
seven days," I would just say,
"Try the best dance classes for free for seven days,"
just to make it really, really clear,
because brackets create that like jarring effect
in someone's mind.
So unless they're really adding to,
like you're saying it's a tangent or a sidebar,
which is when I like to use brackets,
I would just recommend changing that into a full sentence.
"And become bootylicious," again,
love the like bookend of the Beyonce idea,
I think that's brilliant.
It also has a benefit to the right audience, right?
I wanna dance and become bootylicious.
Of course, who doesn't.
"Start shaking it," I like that,
but I think at this point
we've sort of played out the whole dance thing,
the Beyonce thing.
Maybe just make a really,
really clear CTA at the end, right?
"Start today free," right?
So you wanna be careful not to like overdo
the innuendos, or the cute language.
You know, you don't wanna sacrifice clarity
for the sake of cute.
So I would just end with like a very clear,
"Start today for free," right?
Or, "Start your seven-day free trial," there we go.
Great, great job, Chris, love that.
All right, so next up we have Federica.
She starts off by saying, "No one leaves you in a corner."
(laughing) "With our classes,
anyone can feel their best selves on the dance floor.
You deserve your dirty dance moment.
Get your groove on, and start your free trial today.
It's seven days worth of moves."
Overall, awesome.
Again, love the "Dirty Dancing" reference.
You guys are crushing it.
Do you notice how I even wrote "Dirty Dancing?"
I tried to use the "Dirty Dancing" font.
(laughing) So extra.
But iconic, right?
Again, the right audience will read that,
and go, "Oh my gosh, I get it," right?
Which is great, it maybe even speaks
to a slightly older audience,
which again, I think is perfect,
because that's an older movie.
I know about the reference, from the reference itself,
because it's so iconic.
So, you know, maybe it doesn't speak to Gen Zs,
but it definitely speaks to people
who would get that "Dirty Dancing" reference,
which is awesome.
Also, I think the quote you mean
is, "No one puts you in a corner," instead of leaves,
if I remember the reference correctly, but I still got it.
"With our classes," so I would expand on this, right?
How can you sprinkle in a little bit more specificity
to communicate the USP?
Like something like, "With over 1,000 online classes,"
it's just adding a couple extra words,
but it really adds authority.
It creates that sense of variety.
It makes me believe, "Wow, there's gonna be
something for me in here, there's 1,000 classes," right?
"Anyone can feel their best selves on the dance floor."
Love that, it is such a juicy Benny,
because it speaks to what people truly want,
which is just to feel their best on the dance floor, right?
I don't need to be like doing this full blown routine,
like in the movies, you know.
I always think that, I'm like,
"How did everyone in that nightclub
know that choreographed dance number
off the top of their heads," right?
But you wanna feel your best, so I really love that benefit.
"You deserve your dirty dance moment.
I think it's cute, you can leave it in or not.
But I do understand that it's great
for anyone who is a "Dirty Dancing" fan,
to kind of, "Hey, Hey, that was a reference."
If you didn't get it,
you're kind of like nudging them a little bit,
which is cool.
"Get your groove on and start your free trial today.
It's seven days worth of moves."
Strong CTA, again, "Seven days worth of moves,"
maybe you can take that to the next level,
"Seven days worth of easy to learn moves."
The other, yeah, the other thing I love
is that the get, or sorry, "Start your free trial today,"
it's really, really clear.
Very strong overall, absolutely great headline.
Federica, great job.
All right, up next we have this headline by doodlekhor.00.
I'm just gonna call you Doodle.
I'm sorry, you guys,
I don't know your names from your Instagram handle,
so we're gonna go with Doodle.
You say, "Move your body without moving out.
The world's best dancers comes to your screen.
Dance, fall, learn, repeat, get started."
Love it.
So, first of all, I love the irony hook.
"Move your body without moving."
(laughing) It makes people go, "Wait, what?"
I crossed out the word out,
you can see I've made, I think when I'm saying out,
I'm sounding very Canadian (laughing).
If anyone doesn't realize I'm already Canadian,
now it's becoming very clear.
I love that, "Move your body without moving."
I put out, because moving out to me implies
like moving out of your house, or something like that.
But it's a really, really great irony hook.
Then you go on to say, "The world's best dancers
come to your screen."
So I love that, right, again, just careful with the grammar,
but come to your screen,
all of a sudden makes it clear, "Oh, it's online."
It's another way of saying online, which I love,
because we hear the word online so much online,
that to be able to say it comes to your screen
immediately makes me aware of the fact
that this is happening online,
and then I'm looking at a screen while I'm doing it.
And then you have, "Dance, fall, learn, repeat."
I put fall not needed, right?
I get what you're saying,
you're trying to make it approachable, relatable,
"Hey, you can fall."
But it kind of almost has the reverse effect,
like who really wants to fall?
Nobody wants to fall.
It might make it sound like it's harder than it is, right?
But overall, I think that's great.
And then you have, "Get started."
I think that's a good CTA,
but why not clarify the CTA a little bit,
and bring it back to the hook,
just to make your hook, if anyone's still confused
about the irony in that, you could say,
"Get started free without leaving home."
And then all of a sudden it's like,
"Oh, that's what they meant," right?
The other thing that would be great to see you weave in here
is just clarifying the USP a little bit.
So you have, "The world's best dancers come to your screen."
I might, instead of the "Dance, learn, repeat,"
which again, doesn't really bring anything extra
to the headline, it's just words, right?
Like we already get the dance, you know,
we already get the learning,
with, "The best dancers coming to your screen,"
but you can clarify and say, you know,
"Over 1,000 dance classes with the world's best dancers
coming to your screen," or something.
That's bad, but you get what I'm trying to say.
Is there a way that you can weave in a little bit more
about what it is, right?
Like what is it?
There's nothing here that says classes.
So just something to consider adding to this headline.
Overall, really strong, you guys are killing it.
All right, next up, we have, heymscherry.
Cherry, you start off by saying, "Horrible dancer?
Well, Steezy says otherwise with the number one dance app.
You'll be TikToking in no time."
So this is great, first of all, strong empathy,
and hope hook, right?
"Horrible dancer," it's kinda like saying,
"Like, yeah, it's okay," (laughing) right?
And then you say, "Well, Steezy says otherwise
with the number one dance app."
I would clarify this a little bit more.
I love that you're saying, "Steezy says otherwise
with the number one dance app."
You could just say, "Well, Steezy says otherwise.
This number one dance app has 1,000 plus classes
that you can access at your fingertips,"
or something like that, right?
And then I absolutely love this,
"You'll be TikToking in no time."
It's such a specific benefit,
I know exactly the audience you're speaking to, right?
You are speaking to those Gen Zers,
those millennials, right?
Those people who are like,
"I really do wanna dance on TikTok."
You know, other people don't. (laughing)
So I absolutely love that.
And the only thing I would add is a CTA of course, right?
Right now there's nothing here
that says that this is a free trial,
that I can start today for free.
So by simply adding a "Start now free,"
or, "Start your seven day trial now free,"
something like that would make this really, really strong.
Excellent job, Cherry.
All right, and lastly, we have sakshisoundless.
So I really love this, "A-B-C-D, any body can dance."
Brilliant.
I know that this is a, I think a popular show,
if I'm not mistaken, maybe in India?
So you wanna be careful about that,
that you're not using any sort of trademarked terminology,
but I absolutely love it.
And you could even expand it to say,
"It's as easy as A-B-C-D, any body can dance," right?
I think it's brilliant.
"Set the dance floor on fire
with the world's best dance learning tool,"
with the fire emoji.
Love the visual benefit, right?
I love that you can say, "Set the dance floor on fire,"
and we all know what that means,
without saying, "You're gonna be a great dancer."
So again, it's really visual, it's juicy, I love it.
"What's blocking your way?
Start free for seven days."
First of all, great CTA, super clear, awesome.
The, "What's blocking your way,"
something there is my way (laughing) with that copy.
It's just, it doesn't quite flow properly.
So instead of that line, use it to explain
what the app does, right?
Again, this is kinda feedback that I've given everyone,
is, "Get access to 1,000 plus dance classes,
for all levels,"
'cause you really wanna take a step back sometimes,
read it, and say, "Does this make it clear what it is?"
Right, "Any body can dance," okay, cool.
"World's best dance learning tool,"
cool, but that could really be like anything, right?
It could be any tool.
What does it do? How does it help?
Right, get really clear with the USP,
just to take that headline from strong, to even stronger.
And I think you've got a winner.
All right, that's it, everyone did so, so good.
Seriously, you guys, I am so impressed
with your headline writing, keep it up.
Now, if you wanna play along in the next edition
of Make It Hotter, be sure to follow me
on Instagram @copyposse.
And if you guys liked this video,
and want to see more in-depth critiques like this one,
make sure to let me know in the comments below.
And if you wanna grab a copy of my free,
"Hot Headline Guide,"
so you can learn exactly how to write headlines
that grab attention,
and stop scrollers dead in their tracks,
you can grab that in just a few seconds
at the end of this video, as a special gift.
Thank you so much for watching.
Until next time, I'm Alex, ciao for now.
(gentle music)
All right, guys, if you enjoyed that video,
make sure to check out the next one from me right here.
And you can click right here to get a free gift.
What makes a stellar subject line?
Come along with me as I take you through
one of my favorite copywriting exercises of all time.
I am about to share my unfiltered critiques
of six subject lines,
what made them great?
What left me wanting more?
And what would make them even more powerful?
Keep watching.