(audience clapping)
Thanks a lot for being here.
Thanks for having me, what's going on?
Yeah, great to have you.
It was shocking to see you in the hall.
I'm just not used to...
I'm fairly tall.
Yeah, you are.
And an amazing physical specimen.
(audience laughs) You are.
(giggles) Say that again? I didn't hear you.
You are.
Thank you (laughs) You're a physical specimen.
(audience laugh)
You can't just say physical specimen,
it doesn't sound good!
(audience laughter)
No, how tall are you again? I know you...
I'm 7'1".
Yeah, and you got that question all the time.
You must get sick of it? Yeah all the time,
how tall are you, how big are your feet,
all that nonsense.
Yeah I get all that too.
Oh, you do? (audience laughing)
Yes, and how do you do it,
and what an amazing mind, whatever.
(laughter)
Can we pretend anyway, I get those things?
Yeah.
You have a book out, "Shaq Talks Back,"
and you invented your own language
in your life.
You invented your own language.
Just things that, that just, that means something to you.
They don't necessarily mean anything to anybody else,
but it's your way of communicating. Is that right?
I can't take all the credit for inventing it,
it's just Ebonic slang.
[Conan] Right it's a slang.
Yes. Bling bling.
What is bling bling?
That's a word that you use.
Bling bling is when the light hits the diamond,
and the light from that diamond hit your eyes.
It's just, bling,
across your eye, bling. (audience laughing)
Okay. And then when you
do it like this, its bling-bling-bling-bling.
Oh my God! Yeah, see?
Look at that thing! You hear it?
Bling-bling-bling.
I will do your bidding Shaq.
(audience clapping) [Shaq] Yes.
I will go out and...
Look at.. can we just show that ring for a second?
Yes. Thank you so much!
I appreciate this! (audience laughing)
I can't get away with a ring like that.
Look at that!
Look at that, that's all...
I feel like I have a home shopping network right now.
(audience laughing)
If you call in now just... (hand slams table)
Oh my God!
(audience laughing)
That is incredible.
That's really amazing. How many of those do you have now?
You're getting another one made?
Yes, this is last years,
and I have one coming up in October.
Now, do you change the design on the second one,
is it a big number two that sticks out,
or anything like that?
I haven't seen it yet,
but I'm sure it'll be quite bodacious.
(laughing)
Yeah, it'd be great if you guys went really subtle
on the second one. Yeah, no, no.
Oh, it's very tasteful and small.
Well, what are you gonna do? Nah, nah, nah.
So that's a bling bling, right there?
Yes, that's bling bling.
You got your, you got your bling bling.
Right. What is "foul shaving?"
That's the term you invented.
Foul shaving is when you have a game,
and you don't feel like playing,
so you get three quick fouls,
so you have to sit on the bench.
(audience laughing) And that's something you do,
you just want to rest up? No, no, I, no.
Oh, not you?
Yeah, not me. Not me. (audience laughing)
Really, okay.
And what is S-H-A-M?
It's "sham," but it's S-H-A-M.
what is "sham?"
Sham stands for short answer method.
You know, when you know when you get some
of those guys in the media
that you don't feel like talking to,
"Shaq, how'd you play?"
"I played good."
"Did you have fun playing?"
"Yeah."
(laughing) "How you feel about your book?"
"It's a good book."
(audience laughing)
Short answers.
Okay. That's called sham.
Yes. The sham All right.
Now I was watching TV,
I think it's about a month ago,
I think I'm watching MTV,
and it's...
I think I was watching cribs.
I'm not sure. Right.
But they went on a tour of your home in LA.
This thing blew my mind, your home.
It is like where James Bond would live.
(laughter) This is... you've got gadgets,
you've got a maid,
You've got giant Superman S's on everything.
Yes, yes.
What, tell us about your bedroom.
You have an amazing bedroom
In my bedroom I have strobe lights,
disco balls, (laughter)
fog machine.
Wait a minute, Fog machine!
(audience laughs) Yeah, fog machine.
You have a fog machine?
(laughs) What are you doing?
You know what's sad, is I have a fog machine too,
but it's to hide things.
(laughter)
I'm like, "She's looking!"
(Conan emulates a fog machine) (audience laughing)
(audience clapping)
This is amazing.
And this is like a way...
And how do you activate this stuff?
I have a, something that's called
the palm pillow remote.
You know I put the pillow right there,
and just my own palm.
You just, all you do is put your palm on
Lights. Yeah, this is lights,
this is channel,
this is my robotic toilet that comes.
(laughing)
You have a toilet that comes and finds you?
Yes, yes. That's great.
(speaking in a robotic voice) I am here Shaq.
(laughter)
Do you ever leave it on,
and it's like following you out the door?
No, no toilet. (audience laughing)
That's amazing.
That just sounds... That's great.
Do you ever turn this stuff on by accident?
Like I'm thinking, you ever just
sitting there reading a magazine,
and you hit it, and fog, and lights, and...
[Shaq] No, no. Barry White comes on
and all this cool stuff.
No, no, no. No accidents.
Now, you were one of...
You may be the only,
you're certainly one of the few
athletes to be offered the cover of the Wheaties box,
and you turned it down.
Why'd you do that?
Cause I don't like Wheaties.
(audience laughing and clapping)
And I'm the type... (audience clapping)
And I'm the type that if I don't like a product,
I won't endorse it.
[Conan] You only endorse things that you like.
Yes.
What products would you...
What cereals would you be on the cover of?
Oh my God, Frosted flakes.
Yeah. (audience laughing)
Fruit loops.
[Conan] Fruit loops! I love fruit loops.
Corn flakes,
Rice Krispies,
and Fruity Pebbles.
Have you ever tried... (audience laughing)
You know what's great about fruity pebbles,
You put the milk in, and it changes the color of the milk,
and I save the milk afterwards,
and it's just, it's wild. I just...
(audience laughing)
[Shaq] Oh you just drink the milk?
I drink the milk.
Well I wait a few days, it kind of ferments,
and then you see... (audience laughing)
Also Cookie Crisp.
No, no, no, no.
What! It's tiny chocolate chip cookies.
Don't knock it till you've tried it.
No. (audience laughing)
You eat cookies like cookies,
not cookies like cereal.
(audience laughing)
Don't make me come over there.
(audience laughing)
All right?
You know what's great Shaq,
is when you refused to do the Wheaties box,
it actually, they created an opening,
and this was a big moment for me.
(audience laughing) I don't know
if people have seen that.
(audience laughing and clapping)
The first.
Now, someone told me you, you actually...
One of your friends, and someone you hang out with
is Mini-Me from the Austin Powers movie.
Mini-Me is one of my guys.
That's... What's it like,
what do you guys do when you hang out, first of all.
(laughter)
Actually I met him on Sunset Boulevard.
I'm riding in like a small car,
Right. and this big old truck
pulls by, and the windows come down
and it's like, (hums) and there's like Mini-Me.
"Hey Shaq, how you doing?" (laughing)
I'm like, "Mini-Me?"
He's like, "Yeah, pull over."
So you know, we pulled over, exchanged numbers.
You know, we did a photo shoot, and we hung out,
and he's...
He's a, Verne Troyer is his name.
Exactly, nice guy. Very nice guy,
I've met him too. What's up, Verne.
Nice guy.
He's not watching. (audience laughs)
He's got better things to do with his time.
Now let's talk about basketball.
You had harsh words in the finals for Dikembe Mutombo.
What was that all about?
Was that real,
or were you playing some kind of mind game with Mutombo.
Mutombo got caught up in my Shaqology.
(audience laughing)
Mutombo is not used to that game of
getting talked to and talking back, not playing mad,
so he's a shot blocker and he's a great shot blocker,
so I said some harsh words cause I wanted him to react.
And like I said, he got caught up in Shaqology
So you were saying he takes...
He flops, he's...
He flops, he's crying, he's playing like a baby,
cause I wanted him to get mad.
Cause I know he can't play mad.
(Shaq laughs)
A brilliant plan, I might say.
Man, remind me not to get on your bad side.
Just don't use your Shaqology on me.
Yeah I won't. I promise I won't.