Hey guys, welcome back. Thanks for joining me for another video this week
I want to dive into three tips to help you manage yourself when you are dealing with someone who's narcissistic
So the very first thing is learn how to manage your expectations and this sounds very simple. Okay, I'll lower the bar
I'm going to expect this person to do and be because I know that they're not capable
but
people really struggle with this and the reason why they struggle with it is because they themselves
Are a good healthy person and they want to believe that in the other person they want to believe that the other person is
a nice caring person
And unfortunately when we come from that place in my personal opinion
I think that sometimes that's a naive way of living because not everyone is a good kind person. I also see where people get really
Tripped up is in these obsessive thoughts trying to figure out this person. So why did they do what they do?
Why are they this way and this obsessive thought with trying to understand why someone is the way they are and they get in this
obsessive thought or obsessive way of thinking gets them stuck on this hamster wheel and never
Really accepting this person for who they are
so a narcissist will always show you who they are based on their actions because even if you
Are dealing with someone who is a nice narcissist. They're always going to resort back to that egotistical
selfish
Unreasonable relentless abusive behavior at some point and it's your job
To see this person and see their pattern. So if you're dealing with someone who's healthy and
Takes responsibility for themselves. Then the pattern will be maybe not every single time
They're gonna be a perfect human being and say the right things and do the right things now
They're gonna mess up from time to time
They might say something that is hurtful because they themselves are upset
But they will own their part in the relationship own the stuff that they did
You know in the dynamic between you two and it will resolve itself over time
Where this person is when you're dealing with someone who's narcissistic that will never happen because they'll never take responsibility
Excuse me responsibility for their own actions. They'll always project
That stuff that baggage those inner wounds that they themselves have which is severe deep insecurity on to someone else
There are two phrases that when I was going through
Situations where I've had to deal with someone who's narcissistic or even someone who's just really toxic and unhealthy?
My aunt used to say two things to me and though these two phrases always stuck with me number one
You can't make sense out of nonsense
So it allowed me to not be so
obsessive with my thinking and trying to figure out this person and why they are the way they are and
Me wanting to really believe that this person was a good person
I had to understand that while the core of them right because we're all loved while the core of them might be love
There's a huge wall that's in front of that part of themselves. That's their defense mechanism
and that's that narcissism right there that narcissism will never let that wall go down in order to get to the core of
that person because they're so
Scared and they've been so damaged and they've been so abused on some level that that wall is there to stay and it's almost impossible
Really to get that wall down. So
Because of that you can't make sense out of nonsense. You can believe that everyone is good
But when someone's showing you who they are
It doesn't matter if you can see through to someone and you you know that everyone's a good loving person when someone showing you that
They're not treating you the way that you deserve to be treated. It's it doesn't even matter
it's irrelevant the other phrase that she always would say to me is don't try to get water from a rock and
That just always stuck in me
So every time I had to interact with this person the minute the door opened the minute
I went into their office the minute I had to pick up a phone and call them whatever interaction it was even over email
Whenever I got the email back
I had to know that I cannot expect this
Person to do the right thing to say the right thing and I had to remind myself time and time again
Where it became tricky?
Was when they would show me bits and pieces of being normal where they would show me like moments when they're trying to be reasonable
or
When they were trying to say the right thing and do the right thing and I had to know that there's always an agenda
With this person cuz at the end of the day, whatever good they're giving you it's just because they want something in return
so the next tip is
Practicing having good boundaries with this person because this person is going to constantly want to violate a boundary
They're gonna constantly want to tiptoe on what is acceptable and not acceptable
so knowing what you want how you want to be treated being able to verbally communicate that with another person and then
Disengaging. So this is where you know in order to be a really powerful
self loving confident person when you're dealing with someone who's narcissistic because that ego is
Huge and they are completely egotistical. They constantly think that they're right. They're manipulative
I mean we can go down the list forever with us
but the point is is that you have to be self loving and in order to be self loving you have to be able to
Really protect yourself and and by protecting yourself what I mean by that is really just protecting your energy
So when I talk about self parenting you have to imagine that you are the child and you are
Summe you are the parent to your own child to that inner child and you need to protect that child
So anytime you wouldn't send a child in to have an interaction with someone who's completely abusive
Absolutely, not. You would tell that child. You stand behind me and I'm gonna handle this situation
and in order to handle the situation you have to be able to verbally communicate with another human being but also
You know, hold on to yourself and keep yourself intact
So we're not going to this is where we start working on how to respond to someone versus reacting to someone
This is where we begin to work on. Are we overly explaining ourselves because we want someone to
Be okay with our decision and what we have to say and that's something that when you start to do those two things
react versus respond
or
You know overly explain yourself. What you're doing is you're lowering your vibration you're showing this other person
Hey
I'm not really confident and Who I am and what I have to say and so I'm gonna fight back with you or I'm gonna
Overly explain myself because I don't want to get any backlash from you
and so I want you to like
You know think that my decision is okay and not give me any grief for it when it doesn't matter how you say it
The way you say it where you say it when you say it the little bow that you put on it before you say
Narcissus is never going to like what you have to say
If it is not what they want to hear so overly explaining yourself or getting emotionally entangled in something and starting to engage
Really engage with this person is a waste of your time
Energy, and you're still not gonna get the outcome that you want
one of the things that's really beneficial when you are in this process is
Knowing the tactics of abuse that this person likes to use on you
so for me, one of the people that I've had to deal with in the past is
Really?
manipulation or a lot of guilt
so those two things would constantly be thrown at me time and time again in order for me to
Be more flexible with my boundaries and really just to let my wall down so they can come in and abuse me
So I had to learn. Okay. What is this? What is the drink of choice that this person likes to use on me?
and so when you start to understand the other person and really they're their go-to tactics then when they start to give you some
Manipulation or guilt or anything like that you immediately recognize it and you can stop it right away and not even engage with it
So it's when you don't know that you know
This is what this person is trying to do that you and you don't have confidence in yourself
that you begin dealing with the manipulation or
you know when someone starts guilting you that you cave and you give in to what it is they want because they were able to
Make you feel bad about the decisions that you want one of the things that is so powerful
About boundaries, especially when you're dealing with someone who's toxic because anyone that's in your life. That's healthy
they're gonna respect your boundaries, but someone who is really abusive and toxic and relentless and wants what they want and
Will go, you know after it no matter what is you not
engaging with them to a certain point so you say your piece you detach from the
Conversation and that's you
really honing in on your power
So the minute you start over explaining the minute you start engaging with some
You have now given your power to someone else and now they're holding it
And now what's gonna happen? Is that energy that vibration that you have?
That was so high it immediately drops and what you want to do is keep a high vibration because anyone who's narcissistic
Doesn't want to be around
anyone
That is self loving that is confident that is healthy because you're not the person that they're gonna be able to abuse
What I get often from people and I have been there myself is when people say well, you know
I'm really working on boundaries and there's still relentless. They're still abusive
It's not working when I tell you this is a process and this isn't just okay
We're gonna do this one time in the narcissist. The narcissistic bully is going to get in just leave you alone
No, this takes time
Constant time and time again of you standing up yourself in a healthy way in order to show this person that you are no longer
the punching bag, you are no longer the person that's gonna get manipulated or made to feel guilty for your decisions that you know,
how to hold onto yourself and you keep that vibration high
That person over time is going to eventually leave you alone because you're not someone that's bendable
You're not someone that they can abuse and when they you know, try to do this time and time again
They're just gonna get frustrated and move on to someone else so they can get what they want from that person
So the last thing is learn how to deal with the backlash
and the reason why I say this is because as you are going through the process of
Enforcing your boundaries and you are doing this time and time again, what's gonna happen is the narcissist is going to get extremely angry
because number one if they're used to a certain you they're used to a certain personality within yourself, and they're they've been able to
Manipulate you and abuse you for so long if you start standing up for yourself and any way shape or form
They are not gonna like that and you are going to be the target of some serious backlash
The reason why you get backlash is because you have caused a narcissistic injury
So basically what an injury is is just a bruise to the ego. So either they didn't get what they want
You didn't say what they wanted to hear out of you
You're not marrying back, you know the image of themselves that they want to see etc, etc
It's basically just a child throwing a tantrum. That's essentially what it is
You're not giving them the toy that at the store and so now they're gonna go on the floor and start kicking and screaming
The backlash that you receive
Again, depending on what it is because some could be very severe and some could be just minor that you can kind of brush off
But they're going to do something at some point that really is going to cut you
So they're gonna they know exactly what to do in order to really get under your skin
to cut you at your knees to hurt you so you
Have got to learn how to self-soothe. You have got to learn how to hold on to yourself that
This is no easy task
Because you're dealing with someone who has absolutely no empathy. That's why I always say like to go toe to toe with one
It's really to me
it's a waste of time and even if you could do it without with
Emotionally having a wall up and not be hurt by anything
They're doing or saying to you then great, but still you're going toe to toe with a child and that's lowering your own vibration
so I always looked at this instance as
Learning how to handle the backlash was me learning how to really self soothe
Was really that no matter what this person was saying or doing
Reminding myself of Who I am and that I'm able to take care of myself and reminding myself that what they're doing has
nothing to do with me even though it's a it's an attack at me and that was something that really
Helped me was to accept and understand that time and time again that this person was unfortunately
Suffering so bad inside and they couldn't manage that themselves
And so they had to put that anger frustration sadness, whatever
it is feeling that feeling of being out of control on to someone else and
Unfortunately for you for me for many of us at times that all gets targeted right at us now again
some people have been in relationships for years where they're constantly dealing with backlash or you know
You might think at times like hey look the backlash that this person is giving me it's unbearable
like it's too much at times and I totally understand because I have been there but the
point of all of this of
Channel of learning how to love yourself of learning how to have confidence and take care of yourself and parent yourself and soothe yourself
Really being mentally and emotionally healthy because that's what this channel is about
It's not just about
learning how to deal with this toxic person and let me let me give you all of the traits of someone who's
Narcissistic all of that stuff is great. But when someone is really testing you time and time again
This is your opportunity to practice all of this stuff
so you might sit here and think like I can't believe I have to deal with this person all the time and why me and
Why is this happening to me?
But really this person is the best teacher that you could ever have because all of the abuse that you're getting from this person
They're giving you a test over and over and over again
For you to learn how to practice doing this stuff. So every opportunity that I ever had with this person
I got to a place where I just said look if I have to deal with this person
I'm gonna get something out of it and every time I had to interact with this person
I had to learn how to stand firm how to not give in how to deal with manipulation how to set boundaries how to enforce
Boundaries how to disengage completely how to create that bubble. I had to learn how to respond constantly and never react
This was all stuff that I had to learn time and time again
So I know the situation at times might be difficult
but I'm telling you go into these interactions as
Something that is beneficial to you and gain something from this terrible experience that you have to have
So I hope that this video has helped you if you have liked it
Please do not forget to give it a thumbs up. Please comment down below and I will see you next week