Matt: I recently did a video on seven experiences that men have when they're in love with you.
If you missed that video or you want to check it out, I'll link it up in the description
below.
We all get this rush of neuro chemicals.
We bathe our brains in these neuro chemicals: norepinephrine, dopamine, and serotonin when
we're in love, that gives rise to this euphoric feeling.
The catch is that nature only gives us about 18 months' worth of these chemicals.
Then after that, they either diminish, unless we actually generate them on our own.
What can you do when those biochemicals start to run out?
Today, I'm gonna share with you three things that you can do to keep a man in love with
you and to help you generate that feeling of love for yourself after the 18 month honeymoon
period wears off.
After spending years interviewing literally hundreds and hundreds of couples, who have
been together well beyond that 18 month period, couples who were together 40, 50, 60, 70 years,
who are still crazy in love with each other.
The chemistry, you could see it, right?
They were super attracted to one another.
Asking them, "How do you keep this connection?
How do you keep this attraction going?"
One principle that they all talked about, and then I'm gonna give you three strategies
on how to implement this principle that they used.
The overarching principle that they talked about was decision: that love isn't this feeling
that you have and that you feel sometimes, because that feeling will come and go.
That feeling ebbs and wanes with the quality of the relationship, with the state of your
mood, with what's going on in your life.
The feelings we have are kind of like the waves or the tide that come in, and then they
go out.
Love is a decision that you make on a daily basis, that you are going to be a person of
love, and you're gonna show up as a person of love in that relationship.
What's interesting is, once you decide for that, and once you show up in these three
ways, you actually can dictate the feeling of love.
The feeling of love then follows.
See, the average person wants to wait until they feel loving to then act loving.
They wait until they feel loving to give the person a hug.
They wait until they feel loving to give the person a compliment.
They wait until they feel loving to want to spend time with that person, where the reverse
is actually true.
When you act loving first, then the feelings of love follows.
It's one of the biggest lessons I've ever learned in my life.
I'm gonna give you three strategies for how to ignite those three actions that you can
take, actually, for how to ignite that feeling of love.
The first strategy is to prioritize your partner.
Make your partner a priority in your life.
Have a set time every week that you're gonna have your date night, and let nothing stand
in that way.
Every night, have a point in which you're gonna connect with them.
Maybe when you come home from work, and you're gonna pour energy and attention into one another.
Here's why: your brain registers what's important to you by where you place attention.
If you are prioritizing your partner and you're actually sitting down and you're focusing
attention on that person, your brain actually communicates to itself and says, "Wow, this
must be important to me.
This must matter to me if I'm focusing my attention on it."
You will naturally raise the biochemicals in your brain and in your body, those feelings
of attraction and feelings of connection for your partner.
Strategy number two is to give to your partner.
Marriage masters would often say these couples that I interviewed, they would often say,
"Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E.
It's about giving to the other person."
As you get out of yourself and you start serving, you start giving, you naturally evoke feel-good
chemicals all throughout your system.
You know, when my dad was getting married for the third time, I asked him, "What is
it, Dad, what's causing you to get married?
What is it about this woman that makes you want to marry her?"
He goes, "Matt, I'm not getting married to have someone in my life that's important to
me.
I'm actually getting married not only because I love this woman, but because I want to give
to her.
I want to serve her.
I want to have someone in my life that I can give to."
That totally impacted me, that awareness of loving isn't about receiving this experience
of love, it's about giving the presence of love.
You want to ask yourself, how can I give to my partner?
Look, I know when things aren't going well, it's not our natural instinct to say, "Hey,
how can I serve my partner?
What can I give them?"
It's there that makes the decision.
It's at that moment that we need to make a decision for how we're gonna be, regardless
of how we feel, if we want to transform our feeling.
How can you give to your partner?
It might be giving them something that you know they like.
Bringing dinner home unexpectedly.
It might be doing a chore that's their chore, but you're gonna pick it up for them and do
that particular chore.
It might be just giving them a compliment or a spontaneous hug and letting them know
that you love them.
Here's what happens for you.
When you give to them, when you pour into them, your brain registers, wow, you would
only be doing this if you love this person.
You would only be doing this if you had a high degree of affinity for this person.
Because your actions are showing that, your body and emotions then follow, and you get
a rush of feel-good love chemicals.
Now, let me just say this when it comes to giving: it is a whole lot easier to give when
you're feeling filled up, when you're feeling full yourself.
One of the best ways to do that is self-love, where you actually take care of yourself.
That's actually one of the things that I see people needing support with the most.
To support you with this, I'm gonna link up a self-love process.
It's an activity to help pour into yourself, to fill you up.
I'll link it up here in the video and in the description below.
It's a gift from me to you, totally complimentary, that will help you feel more self-love, feel
filled up, so that you can pour more into the relationships that you're in.
The third strategy is bring the new.
This means bring something novel into the relationship.
Bring something new, keep it fresh, keep it exciting.
These marriage masters, couples married four, five, six, seven decades, would say, "Marriage
takes work."
I would hear that over and over again, "Marriage takes work."
I never really got what they meant by that.
I always thought that it meant you've got to work out the fights that you're having.
You've got to work out the anger and frustration that they're having.
What they actually meant is it's proactive work: that you actually keep it fresh, keep
it new, keep it interesting, by coming up with new, fun, interesting things to do.
It's actually work on the front end, right?
For example, if you're constantly having sex in the same room, in the same position, it's
going to get boring.
Routine lulls the brain to sleep, right?
It's just how we're wired up, that if the same thing is happening over and over again,
your brain starts to ignore it, starts to get bored by it.
You've got to inject some new, inject some fun.
Be fresh with this, right?
Go have sex on your rooftop deck.
Have sex in the living room when everybody's gone.
Walk around the house naked, right?
Inject some new, fun things into your life.
Have dinner at a brand new restaurant.
Take a trip, take an adventure, take a vacation somewhere.
If you took a vacation last October, and I'm asking you, "Hey, what did you do last October?"
You're gonna remember that, because that was a pattern interrupt.
That was something new that you did.
If you didn't take a vacation last September and I said, "Hey, what did you do last September?"
Chances are you don't know what you did, because it was just the same thing that you did every
other month.
Something new, something fresh, is absolutely vital when keeping the relationship fresh
and new.
Wear some lingerie, introduce some new outfits, right?
Men are visual.
That's gonna create, oh, that's just enough newness to do the pattern interrupting, cause
a whole rush of biochemicals in him.
The state of like, wow, this is interesting, this is exciting.
Those are, when your brain is experiencing something exciting, dopamine fires off, the
same chemical that fires off when you're in love.
One of the best things that you can do to infuse novelty or something new into the relationship
is you learning something new, right?
Read a new book.
Watch a program that you don't normally watch.
If you're normally watching Fox News, watch CNN.
If you're normally watching CNN, watch Fox News.
Take a new class, right?
Bring something new into your life, because that's how you create something new from your
life.
When you're able to have new, interesting conversations, that creates a spark in the
relationship.
There you have it, three very powerful strategies for how to ignite the feeling of love in your
relationship.
Look, I get it.
I know that it's not always easy to do these things.
That's the key.
It's important to decide to act on these things, even when you don't feel like it.
Once you do it, then the feelings will follow.
As you do that, your relationship gets deeper, it gets richer, it gets more expansive.
It is well worth it.
I would love to hear from you.
What do you do to ignite the feeling of love in yourself, or to ignite the feeling of love
in your partner?
Go ahead and post a comment below.
I love checking out your comments.
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