Friends with benefits may sound like fun,
but you can be walking into a
very dangerous situation.
Keep watching so I can explain to you
the three reasons why
you should not be friends with benefits.
(Music)
Hey, it's Stephan Labossiere aka Stephan Speaks
your personal certified life and relationship coach
providing you with
relationship insight and advice,
dating insight and advice,
and just all the help you need to improve
your overall quality of life.
Well, today we are discussing the issue
of friends with benefits.
Now, I'm going to give you three reasons why
you should not become
friends with benefits.
Now, before I get into the three reasons why,
be sure to like the video,
subscribe to my channel,
hit that bell so that you can get the notification.
And I want to mention to you,
you see this little book sitting next to me,
"HE'S LYING SIS", check it out.
I'll explain a little bit more later as to
what you can look forward to in this book.
And how it also connects to this subject
of friends with benefits.
But click the link in the description,
click the link in the comment section
and get your copy.
Also, you know I love of polls.
So, in the comment section
tell me yes or no.
Would you be open
to a friends with benefits situation?
I want to see how many people are really
vibing with this type of dynamic
and how many of you are like absolutely no,
that doesn't work for me.
And vote before you hear the rest of the reasons
because the reasons that I explain
might change your perspective,
which I'm hoping. But
I want to hear how you currently view it
where you currently stand
with the idea of being
friends with benefits.
So, let's move things along,
let's get on to the topic.
Three reasons why you should not be
friends with benefits,
reason number one,
someone is lying.
Okay, now,
here's what I mean by that.
Listen, in the vast majority
of friends with benefits situation
someone is angling for something
more than just that.
They just don't want
to be friends with benefits.
They just don't want to just have
sexual relations.
They want to have the ability to
get closer to you and hopefully
evolve into something more.
Now, this can be the man
or the woman.
I've seen it happen both ways,
but that leads to a
very messy situation
and this is where
things can get really hectic.
And at some point
it just creates a lot of drama
because again, people aren't coming
into these situations with
genuine intentions
of keeping it at just friends with benefits.
And sometimes yes,
they may have started off
really truly believing
they can handle this,
or that's what they wanted.
But then, very quickly
it turns into something else,
but they are not always
forthcoming about that,
because they don't want to rock the boat.
They don't want to ruin this
opportunity to still kick it with you
and still have you
in an intimate way.
However, that creates a lot of issues
because again, they can start to
generate resentment,
they can start to feel some kind of way,
they can start to try to attempt to
regulate certain things with you.
When, when it comes to friends with benefits,
there is no regulating what we do.
We're just hooking up that's it,
and I'll do another video
breaking down the whole
friends with benefits dynamic
and how it all works.
But the point,
point of this is that yes,
someone is typically lying.
I'm not saying,
it's never been a situation
where two people genuinely
were okay with this,
and we're on the same page,
but that's not usually
what's going on, all right,
so, a big reason
not to get involved in it.
Now, reason number two
not to get into friends with benefits,
you are blocking your ability to receive
the person who is for you.
So, here's the thing,
a lot of times I get it,
you go into friends with benefits
relationships because
you, you want companionship,
maybe right now you're not
really ready for a relationship.
And you figure you know what,
you want a no strings attached situation,
you want something easy,
you don't want anything with a hassle,
and so this seems very appealing to you.
However, the reality is that
even though you don't want a relationship
right now,
you still at the core of who you are
eventually will want one, okay.
And technically still do want one now
is that you don't want the bs,
the nonsense you feel comes along
with relationships.
You're typically jaded in some kind of way
and you've just feel like you know what,
this is an easier route to take.
So, what happens now is
you've shifted your focus onto the situation
because you're still invested to some level.
Again, you're getting
intimate with this individual,
you're still spending time with this individual,
which is why as we talked about in number one,
it's very easy to get caught up
and things to get messy.
But now, you've
essentially taken yourself off the market.
And even though people may think
well, you know what, it's not a big deal.
If I meet someone better,
someone I actually want to be with,
I can jump into that.
That's not what typically is going to happen.
You're tying yourself up,
you're, you're hindering your ability
to receive
and be open to something
that's real coming your way.
And so,
you have to be very mindful
of what you're setting yourself up for
and how you're setting yourself back
in the long run,
when it comes to trying to get that
genuine relationship.
And again, I've seen so many people
who'll claim right now
even claim, I don't want marriage in my future
and then years later,
you want marriage.
You got to be honest with yourself, all right.
And you can't run
from what you truly desire deep inside
because you're caught up in the moment
and how you feel right now
that's very, very
dangerous, all right.
So, number three,
the third reason why
you should not become friends with benefits.
But before I tell you that third reason
let me tell you real quick about the book.
"HE'S LYING SIS" so, again this is a book
that breaks down the
truth behind his words and his actions.
It is breaking down
various different scenarios
that women commonly come across.
Explaining them, explaining how to handle them,
explaining how to decrease
the, the chances of deception
occurring in your relationship
and how to see through these things.
And just essentially
helping women avoid the pitfalls.
I know some of you are saying, well,
women lie too,
where is the book for men?
That's coming, that's later
don't worry about that right now.
For now, let's focus on the book for women
HE'S LYING SIS.
women are loving it.
It already has some amazing reviews.
So, again,
clink the link in the description,
click the link in the comment section,
get your copy,
you're going to love it, it is worth it.
So, let's get back to
the three reasons why
you should not become friends with benefits.
And the third reason is because
you're running from your issues.
So, here's what I mean.
The reality is that again,
friends with benefits is like a Band-Aid
to the deeper problem going on in your life.
It seems like the easier route,
it seems like it's going to be fun.
And so, one,
you have some people who are going into it,
like I mentioned in the first reason
for the wrong intentions.
They really want to get with
that person in a serious way
so they're, they're finding that back door
to that person's heart
hoping that it gets them there.
But also, like I said,
you may be jaded from relationships
as I mentioned in number two.
You may have been hurt, you may feel like
committed relationships, serious relationships
come with too much stress, too much hurt.
And so, you're now trying to find
an alternate path to companionship.
But the reality is that
that is blinding you
from what you should be focusing on,
which is your healing,
which is getting past
those previous pains and disappointments,
which is learning how to overcome those things,
process those things better,
and then working on yourself.
Because the reality is that again,
when we are invested into any kind of situation,
and I know some of you may think,
well, it's friends with benefits,
it's not much of an investment.
You're still investing, again,
depending on the amount of time you spend with that person
will determine the level,
but to some degree
you're still invested, and
you still view it as your
getaway from reality.
And again, it's kind of your
hiding place essentially.
But that isn't healthy.
That's not what you need to do.
And for some of you,
some of you may be using it as a
way to escape the friendzone
when you figure, okay, well,
I don't want to just be friends with this person
and be stuck in the friendzone,
but right now, I can't get a relationship with them.
So, let me use this as a middle ground
until maybe they're going to be ready
for something serious,
but using it to not be in the friendzone, again
is that backdoor approach
that isn't healthy.
So, all that gets back to,
you've got to use this
time to focus on you
and being friends with benefits
can hinder that greatly.
A lot of people don't make
the progress they need to make
when they're emotionally or
intimately involved with someone.
Not to mention that
when you're dealing with someone on that level,
you're still going to deal with
them possibly doing things to make you mad,
them doing things that get under your skin,
which are all distractions
from you focusing on you,
from you growing,
from you getting to a better place.
So, at the end of day
it's just not going to be worth it.
I know it's tempting.
I know for a lot of people
they might, you might be watching this
and you're in one right now.
But I'm telling you
for the bigger picture of your life,
it's really not in your best interest
and it's really best to be left alone.
Now, let me throw this in, I am not
going to ever advocate
for being friends with benefits
though I understand why people do it?
I also think that yes,
if two people are genuinely on the same page
and this is what they want, they're grown adults.
That's your choice
go ahead, but be honest with yourself.
Are you really on the same page?
And is this really best for you?
You see, I'm explaining
why this isn't best for you.
Now, I will do a video in the future of
how it can possibly,
Now, you know what, I can't even say that,
I was just to say how it could possibly work.
But to be honest with you,
my own situations
don't really work.
There's always something that comes about it
that creates a problem.
And again, usually
one of those people want more.
So, all that does,
when that individual finds themselves
giving themselves to that other person
for all these years, months, whatever,
and they don't get what they really
wanted out of the situation
they feel depleted, they feel drained, they feel betrayed,
and it creates more damage.
It's a very risky situation,
but again, as adults,
you have to make choices for yourself.
And just be honest with yourself
before you get into something like that.
So, anyways again,
comment below would you ever
get into a friends with benefits situation?
Be sure to like the video,
be sure to subscribe,
click that button and get your copy of
HE'S LYING SIS,
you know, I'm just here
to provide you with a perspective
to help you make sure
you're looking at things correctly
and you're aware of
all the potential both pitfalls and advantages
and today we talked about the pitfalls.
And I just want you to know
what you may be setting
yourself up for when you
enter into a friends with benefit situation.
So, again, thank you for watching
and I look forward to seeing you in the next video.
(Music)