hey aubrey how's it going today i'm great lindsay how are you good i'm excited to be on the mic with
you today it looks like we're gonna be talking about fishing a little bit today yes this is
really fun we had a listener write in a very thoughtful and interesting question and our answer
we're going to give you guys something that's very useful which is strategies and questions
to further engage in a conversation to keep the conversation going to build that connection
but yes we're going to end up talking about fishing a little bit right because fishing is
the kind of activity where you absolutely need to be having a conversation it can i mean i've
never been fishing you're going to tell us a lot about fishing today aubrey um but i'm
sure there's a lot of space for conversation wow that's true if you go fishing with someone you're
going to end up chatting because there's a lot of time where you're sort of just sitting waiting
so it really would actually be a great conversa or a great activity to do with someone when
really the goal the purpose is to just have a good chat i love it i love it and i think that's true
for sports like golf as well especially in the business world right it's really for building
sometimes business relationships going golfing is not some or even going to a baseball game
uh going to a red sox game you're sitting there with your colleague or a friend and you're just
building the relationship and you know baseball is the kind of sport where unless you're a crazy fan
you don't have to be 100 zoomed into it right i think even crazy fans have plenty of time to chat
right yes slow parts of an inning so yeah you're right i think when a colleague invites you to
go fishing or golf or baseball some of these activities where you're just sort of sitting
and watching or not doing much you can count on having a good conversation plan on building that
relationship because you're going to have the time the silence for it yeah so we need the skills for
this but before we get into it today i want to let our listeners know go over to alliersenglish.com
app guys a-p-p that's where you can get the ios or the android app and you can go a little bit deeper
with all ears english all right so much good vocabulary you want you want that app so it's
easy to add it to your vocab list for sure yeah aubry you're the one who curates our vocab choices
for the app she designs for you kind of a little bit of a learning plan by selecting about seven
words per week or per episode rather that you guys are going to go deeper into and learn from the
episodes so exactly because we have four episodes every week that ends up being quite a bit of good
vocabulary and every single episode there are idioms phrasal verbs words that natives use
very interestingly so this makes it easy you don't have to like look it up and then not be sure
what's the definition we make it very simple for you you got it all right so should i go ahead and
just read the question wow we have a long question maybe yes it's a little bit of a long question but
it's very interesting yes read it let me read a few lines and then i'll throw it back to you
aubry all right here we go hi lindsay and michelle i've become a huge fan of your podcast i recently
started following up and found found it very useful for day-to-day conversations communications
by the way i am a non-native english speaker born and brought up in india and i'm living in chicago
so here's the question i had a conversation with my colleague who lives in minnesota he's over 50.
he started describing how ice fishing works and all the fun activities they do out there
he mentioned some of his friends who are based out of florida and have never seen snow before that
they had visited his place he went on explaining all those fun things they did like riding a truck
on a frozen lake ice fishing staying under the ground in a heated room etc etc it was a lot of
fun to hear especially how his friends freaked out but i was not able to ask appropriate questions
or could not engage in the conversation due to my lack of communication skills it would be great if
you guys could bring this up and discuss thank you i love you guys mahesh fantastic question aubry
yes it is such an interesting question and i love the insightfulness where mahesh realized that the
reason they weren't able to engage wasn't had nothing to do with the fact that they didn't
know a lot about ice fishing because you can ask questions you can engage in a conversation even
if you don't know much about you know what the other person is talking about but if you feel
like you don't have those communication skills you don't know the questions to ask it doesn't
matter what the topic is you might struggle so that's what that's the skill we want to give
you guys today okay so today we're giving our listeners the broader skill not the ice fishing
skills or the driving a car in the lake vocabulary right it's the broader skill on how to engage in
that conversation if you really don't know much about the activity right right but i must admit
that we get a lot of questions you guys and i was looking through all these questions and this one
really caught my eye because i grew up ice fishing so this i was kind of excited to be able to talk
about it something i haven't thought about in a while have you ever gone ice fishing lindsay
no i do i have a lot of questions for you i mean it's interesting i always look out at those little
huts on the ice and i think oh my gosh first of all are they afraid of falling in second of all
are they are they freezing cold and third is it is it boring is it exciting i mean were you ever
afraid of falling in the eye to spend so much time on the ice that's a good question yeah i was not
we went to a lake in montana called hebrew lake so it was a few hours drive my dad would wake us up
before the sun rose it would still be dark outside and then you know us kids would sleep on the way
but so this lake was frozen over frozen solid and you'd have to use what's called an auger which um
rotates like this and digs a hole in the ice and you would see it would go down a couple of feet
so you can see how thick the ice was if it were thin yes i would worry about falling in
we never drove a truck on the ice i love that um mahesh's friend did that um we just would walk
out you know no matter how thick the ice is i don't know if i would ever drive a truck but
when you know it's several feet thick you probably could be confident driving a truck out onto the
ice but we would just walk out drill our holes in the ice and we would see those huts you're talking
about sometimes we would see people in their huts and be jealous because there was no hut for us out
in the cold and it would sometimes be very windy and cold and we're sitting there with our fishing
pole we did have of course thick coats and warm gloves we were prepared for the weather but no
matter what it was still cold and i'm surprised my dad got us to do that as kids i think we were just
so excited to spend time with him doing anything and what was really fun is when you did get a fish
they were always huge it was always like as big as the hole so to pull it out was so exciting and fun
wow of crazy it's kind of a crazy thing to do but it was fun we would go a couple times every winter
growing up i love it i love it i feel like you know what you're doing now is you're telling a
story about something you used to do that means something to you right when you were a kid right
and this could be another episode that we could go into how to ask someone about an important
childhood ritual something that they used to do a lot yeah and why it's meaningful why did they
enjoy it for sure because you're right when it's something connected to your childhood there's so
much nostalgia yes and we could learn a lot about our you know if we're talking with our
colleagues on that about their values like are they close to their family are they active all
these good things that we need to do in business right we need to build that relationship so
i think another day we could go into this more you know what were the things you did as a kid
and what did it mean to you and as a business colleague how could you ask about that stuff
very cool yes definitely right a way to go even deeper the questions we're going to give you today
are a way to extend the conversation so that you can keep building that relationship so that it's
not you know someone tells you i went ice fishing and the conversation stops there
you do want to go into it more but you're right lindsay you can go even deeper to ask them like
why do you think you enjoyed that as a child if it's something they did when they were a kid
to tap into that why was it meaningful how did it help them become who they are yeah absolutely so
maybe that will be a part two of today's episode right but let's get into today's lesson right so
four questions to engage in this conversation your colleague comes in they say hey i went ice fishing
over the weekend it was so amazing what do you say yes so our first strategy you guys have heard
us talk about this here before is remember those question words right who what when where why there
are so many things that you can ask that start with these questions so we're going to give you
four that are very useful no matter what the topic whether they're talking about ice fishing whatever
they've been doing four questions that you can likely apply to whatever someone is telling you
right yes all right so what's number one aubrey so number one is how long have you been doing that
so this of course if someone is telling you that they just did something for the first time this
is not one you will use this is for something that someone is letting you know they've either
done since they were a kid maybe or that you can tell they've done it more than once it's something
they're familiar with this is a great question to ask how long they've been doing that right if it's
ice fishing or practicing a sport or a hobby it's interesting to know how long and this gets into
what you were saying have you been doing this since you were a child or is it pretty new yeah
and this is kind of your lowest hanging fruit here right it's the most obvious one it's the easiest
one in a way right um and it allows the person if they're proud of the fact that they've been ice
fishing their whole lives they can show that they can tell you that or maybe they've been playing a
sport and they're quite good by now they can let you know right and like it's a bit of an ego thing
for people sometimes which can be good right let them show off a little bit why not right exactly
right and often this is not or should not be faked or forced like you really will be interested you
know what i mean you want to be interested you want to show them you're interested and what's
really tragic is like mahesh's situation where this person was interested and didn't just know
didn't know exactly how to ask exactly what to say to find out more to keep the conversation going
so these like you said it's kind of low-hanging fruit they're pretty basic questions but all of
these are perfect for continuing the conversation diving a little deeper exactly i mean we never
want you guys to feel that language is standing in your way of that connection that could have
been a really awesome connection moment right that's what all is english is all about it's
that exact moment for mahesh where he saw that he could engage but he didn't quite have the words
so we are here to help you with that today so first one how long have you been doing that
perfect what would be the second one then aubry yes so to ask how they got started you can say
what got you started with that and again this you have to you have to be flexible right because when
you ask that first conversation there's a chance they'll go into it more and they'll tell you this
they'll tell you how they got started but maybe not right if they just tell you how long they've
been doing it this would be a really interesting follow-up question to ask what got them started
was it a parent that loved doing it was it a friend that they did it with or did they you
know see a youtube video and want to start doing something it's interesting to know how people got
started with things yeah there's always going to be a reason right there's a reason we do things
for a reason and they're going to want to tell you that it's interesting the word choice here you
know you didn't say why did you start that because that would present a slightly different i guess
attitude toward it maybe depending on your time but this is unique choice of words right what got
you started it's quite native and natural the way we say that what got you started
i agree right it's a little more formal to say why did you start doing that and depending on the tone
it might almost sound like you're judging them like you think maybe it's not a wise thing to do
exactly so being careful there so i like the word choice here right guys write this down right what
got you started with that okay and number three is where do you do it where where did you go right
this past weekend to your co-worker mahesh where did you go ice fishing or where do you usually go
right now yep so no matter what it is that people are talking about where they went
that weekend they're usually not from the outset going to give you all the details right and this
is something interesting to find out if they're talking about hiking or skiing or ice fishing
where where do they go is it somewhere close by maybe somewhere beautiful that you haven't seen
or do they travel quite a ways to do it it would be interesting if they haven't already
told you exactly where they go ask them about that i love it i love it and then the last one
aubrey what's that it's to ask when are you doing it next if this is something they do
often they likely have a plan at some point to do it again and it's interesting to ask about
that they're going to be excited to tell you oh i wish i could go soon i can't go until next
year or i'm going next weekend people always are excited to talk about upcoming plans that are fun
yeah it's kind of fun to get to know these things about your colleague because you may see just
one side of your colleague at work but it turns out they have all these interesting and strange
hobbies right they collect strange things like little mini race cars or something and they're
super into it right and to be able to comment on that and connect with that part of them is quite
special i think so yes i agree all right so we have a fun role play where you and i are going
to practice we are friends meeting for coffee and chatting about our weekend and we're going to
use these questions okay and i like my first question am i a or oh my you are a letterman
first question okay all right ready what did you get up to this weekend oh we actually went
spelunking oh crazy that's climbing in caves right i have not done much of that where uh where do you
go to do that well we usually go to a place near here but we ventured out and explored some caves a
couple of hours north oh have you done it anywhere else yeah i used to do it back east it's really
fun but it can definitely be scary you have to be very prepared and it's best to go with a guide or
someone who's been before what got you started with that have you done it since you were a kid
yeah my parents took me when i was pretty small to a cool cave with stalactites and stalagmites
and i've been fascinated with them ever since that is awesome when are you doing it next
probably next month when we go to california there are water caves there we want to check out
nice oh what a fun conversation i could totally see this coming up like this is something fairly
rare for people to go spelunking to be exploring in caves you would definitely want to be able
to ask them more questions about it like this and you have to keep in mind just like you did lindsey
when people share something they did they usually don't give you a whole paragraph and all the
details it's much more natural and native for them to just kind of give you the tip of the iceberg
and you have to ask those questions to get more info exactly and you don't have to ask all of them
we've given you four you don't have to go through all of them in this order or in any way but just
get to the point where you feel like you're having a substantive conversation right that's the key
right yes exactly so let's go through this the first i like this question as well to say
instead of what did you do this weekend it's very native to say what did you get up to this weekend
yeah i love that one too i was gonna point that out um super native and natural guys write that
one down because we do ask about the weekend a lot and instead of always saying what did you do
over the weekend what'd you get up to this weekend so much more interesting yes exactly and then um
you told me you went spelunking which is a word many of you might not be familiar with it means
exploring caves and so then i said where do you go to do that and i would be interested because a lot
of caves wherever you live i feel like people know about caves but not everybody does like i
know there are caves around that people know about i don't know where they are really i i guess in in
utah and the national parks in the west there probably are a lot of caves but very oh what
it sounds like a very adventurous sport i've never tried it before and it is dangerous just like this
conversation so you guys don't go spelunking without proper gear and guides and knowing
where you're going because it people have died right people have died exploring caves because
they'll go in and then the water level will rise and they're trapped so it is very dangerous but
people do it you're right it's very adventurous it can be very scary have you done it yourself
most the caves i've been to are very safe um i go with people who have been many times
and there's not water in them and just in northern arizona there's a big one
um and then in idaho there are quite a few there are lava tubes where it's um a very clearly cut
cave but often they are bear caves like there could be bears living in them we'll send someone
in kind of carefully to make sure there are no bears inside my gosh that's very dangerous that's
terrifying wow the west is so amazing it's just amazing the stuff you can do out here it's just
incredible i love it so good but that's that's barricades i'm not so sure about that i know right
bear games guys that's just good life advice do not enter a bear cape um all right then what else
did we say here so you said yeah where do you go to do that right uh and then the next one i see
have you done it anywhere else right i think this is really interesting because if someone's
talking about like exploring caves that's interesting to know okay is this something
you've done in other states have you done it anywhere else right and then they might be able
to tell you some of the most interesting places they've done it yeah because that lets you see
how much of a fanatic are they about this sport right or this given activity whatever it is
and it opens up a place for them to tell a couple of fun stories and people love to share stories
with you they end up liking you more if they share more of yourself with you right so this is how we
build that relationship completely um and then i said you said what got you started with that right
and i followed that up with have you done it since you were a kid i do this a lot where i'll
say well what got you started and then i'm almost filling in a little bit you know like have you
done it since you were a kid like quick follow-up question and then they sort of answered both right
i love that that's so good and then the final one that is awesome you said when are you doing it
next right when's the next trip right mm-hmm so give me that chance to talk about the next time
you're doing this fun thing you love doing which is always fun oh my gosh what is the takeaway for
today aubry this is fantastic such a key skill it is such a key skill we want you guys to avoid that
situation where someone's talking about something interesting and you just don't know what to say to
to take it further so use this strategy ask like you said one two or all four of these questions
begin them with those question words right who what where why when how and then ask maybe what
you're most interested in are you most interested in where they do that or how long they've done it
to engage the conversation it's just an excellent way to build connection
yeah this is huge and you know guys the truth is especially in business you're not going to get
anything done without having those connections so prioritize these kinds of conversations maybe you
have to do it in the break room over coffee you know but make time for the people that matter at
work to have these conversations that is huge all right good stuff aubrey well thanks for
hanging out on today's episode it's been great yes awesome thanks i'll see you next time alright bye