♪ Zack Morris is trash. (bell rings) ♪
- [Narrator] Zack scans the class for fresh meat to torment.
He tries to pressure Robin into a date,
but she quickly deduces he's broke
and therefore not worth her valuable time.
The gang's assigned a cable access show.
Kelly wants to do something original
a young audience can relate to.
Zack wants to rip off a stale format
made specifically for adults.
Zack appoints himself co-anchor of his sloppy morning show
that leads with a principal interview.
Sure the kids are gonna love that.
Then a weather report that's just an excuse
to put Kelly in a bathing suit and get her soaking wet.
Time for the spaghetti sauce segment, for the teens.
Screech's sauce is a hit, fans are clamoring to buy it.
Zack sees Robin, who he knows
would probably do hand stuff for a rich guy
and gets a great idea.
He yells, they're going to sell Screech's sauce
and be millionaires.
Only his plan attracts Robin to Screech,
because she is not interested in middle management.
Robin tells Screech to buy her lunch
with money he doesn't have.
Zack commandeers the school kitchen
with beakers he stole from the lab
and labels he had Lisa print in the library.
Kelly wonders if they might get in trouble
for using all these Bayside resources
to sell spaghetti sauce.
Zack says it's fine, a lie.
Screech returns from his pricey lunch date.
Kelly says Robin is bad news.
She only sees dollar signs.
Screech is in denial, which Zack ignores
to start his marinara empire.
Zack packages the recipe he stole from Screech
in equipment he stole from the school
in a sequence he stole from I Love Lucy.
Then Zack uses Bayside's AV gear
to shoot a commercial that features
every Italian stereotype under the Tuscan sun
to be broadcast on airtime that was intended
for their class project.
Zack sets up shop without a permit
inside a restaurant he is now competing with,
displaying large color signage made on school printers.
Then has the girls' neglect their real cheerleading duties
to rally up some sales.
Meanwhile, Screech is in way over his head
with his gold-digging lady friend,
buying her lobster and expensive jewelry.
The girls beg Zack to intervene.
Unwilling to lose his female sales force,
Zack finally agrees to talk to Screech.
When Belding inquires if he knows anything
about these exorbitant bills for tomatoes, beakers,
and printing materials he does not recognize,
Zack hands him a beaker full of tomato sauce
with a printed label to throw him off his trail,
but before Zack can tell Screech
what he should have told him about Robin,
minute one, a man from Betsy Crocker Food
says that sauce they're selling,
it's from their published recipe book,
cease and desist.
Zack takes no responsibility for his latest business,
thrown together with no due diligence,
and plans to murder his friend.
- I'm gonna kill him.
- [Narrator] At least Screech has Robin.
Zack, at long last, informs him,
she only wants cash, the entire reason Zack alerted her
they were getting into the sauce biz.
Screech, who should have stopped believing Zack years ago,
understandably doesn't trust him,
until he overhears Robin's cruel laughter.
Zack and the gang are packing up.
Zack is stoked they didn't get sued and made a little cash,
a good day at school, in his deranged book.
Belding walks in with the smoking gun Zack gifted him
He wants the $1500 they spent by tomorrow
or they're all suspended.
Zack says they'll just have to pay back
what they stole from their profits,
only there aren't any.
Screech spent every dime on Robin.
This gives Zack a great idea.
He has Screech tell Robin he's exhausted
from making all this dough
so he's selling the recipe, today,
to spend more quality time buying her lobsters.
Zack shows up to the meeting looking
like a goddamn Indiana Jones villain.
The gang runs a very hacky bid,
saying the sauce is a goldmine.
Then begins a bidding war with this stranger,
who looks nothing like Zack.
Robin takes the bait and writes a check for $2,000,
a $500 net profit on their theft,
that Zack greedily grabs.
Let's review.
Zack Morris took an opportunity to make
a new show for a young audience
and turned it into uninspired chaos.
Then when one quality thing somehow emerged from his pile,
he schemed to use it to get rich
to gain physical access to a shady woman
he knew only wanted money,
and when his noisy plan got Screech involved instead,
did nothing to try and stop it
until the damage was done
because he didn't wanna impede
the profit margins of a business
that has zero overhead
since every part of it is stolen.
Then, to pay back his theft,
after handing over damning evidence
to his sole investigator,
used his flare for dull showmanship
to steal one last time,
by robbing a girl with a spaghetti sauce recipe
he never even owned.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash. (bell rings) ♪