Partially transcribed by user, Carlo Nassar
Because of your contributions to our Women In Film charity event,
you've unlocked an Honest Trailer written by the AI who wrote that fake Harry Potter chapter.
It's like an Honest Trailer made out of every other Honest Trailer.
Warning: It's gonna be weird.
From the technology studio which created classics like the Irresponsible Englishman
and The Brave Little Lawyer
and the key grips who worked on small movies about all the strange Hollywood choices of legendary director Mike Potions
Presents the first trailer that is literally a spy.
"I am a SPY!"
Honest Trailers: Ancestors of the Future.
Imagine a female lead superhero movie in a dystopian society
"Hi."
Where everyone is always quoting House.
*"Everybody lies" said by various characters*
But only one Jonathan dares to ask, who made that call?
"Who is it?"
"Who is this?"
Because lightsaber negotiations have guns now.
Hunky professors invented new ideas about Mulan.
And snake cars are always coming out of the road!
Featuring Elvis Kyle, who is here to give to most cringe-worthy performance of all time.
And everyone else is just there to watch.
Margo montage who makes the audience think about their weirdest cousin
You know, the one who loves weed, Jon Snow, and polite European robots?
"Excuse me sir!"
This impressive dog and his terrible son who are clearly just there to sell iPods.
The only cool shot of minerals that no one will ever forget!
Seriously? Why weren't there more minerals in there?
An Oscar worthy performance by the Brooklyn Bridge
Amy Puppet's original soundtrack that's so cute, there's definitely lots of magic campy dance holograms.
And a climax so epic, you will stop worrying about the helicopters descending on your home
"You see that helicopter? I think it's been following me all morning."
Of course the real reason everyone is seeing this movie,
the Yoda vs. Dennis the Menace fight sequence!
Which will have you saying, 'All of our fragile egos are gonna have sex!'
"Hey everybody, we're all gonna get laid!"
*cheering*
But maybe you will not enjoy this horrible film about the problems of every lame movie.
"You're wasting your life making s***!"
Followed by my 40 year man voice over.
Loved by sarcastic children, and hated by the crying nerd.
Because sweet Jesus, you're in the movie equivalent of a mind that made a bad movie!
So witness the magic of people yelling exposition
"There's a bomb on your bus!"
"We gotta cut her heart out!"
And whispering character names.
*characters whispering names*
This awesome car chase will be in the movie.
And so will this scene where 2 characters sit and read a magazine!
Until finally, a strategically timed tank rolls over a few of the main villains nicely.
Can someone tell me why the original Shrek is playing on EVERY TV IN THIS MOVIE?!
So suit on and strap up for this underwater tween adventure that makes The Smurfs look like a f***ing masterpiece!
*cat laughs and falls down*
Starring:
Lana Del Toro
Beetlejuice Bueller
You Better Turn Out!
*car commotion*
The same shots of Wolverine sitting on computers over and over again!
Unlikeable Jane Lynch
This Guy Chasing a Car
Nazis Playing Pokemon Snap!
Sugarman: The Little Guy
Tuck Grandpa
The Millennium Dustin
*boy screaming*
Innuendos that are memes that are also metaphors
"Ask me about my wiener!"
Some Loud Boy who really shouldn't talk
"JUST DO IT!"
Manny Canyon as a very sarcastic bug
The Smirking Baby that Goes to Hell
THIS Scene
"Hi, I'm Chief Master Sergeant William Candy."
"Ooh, it's me!"
and Academy Award Winning Actor: Solemn Philip
School of Ripoffs
Wait, where did all the puberty cops go?
They're just gone now?
Ok ok I get it!
You wanna be wet.
Geez.
Hey Screen Junkies!
Click the box and remember to watch the Movie Fights Extravaganza Benefitting Women in Film May 3rd at 3pm Pacific!
*reading comments*