- Don't worry, Ash, there are plenty of men in the sea.
- You mean fish in the sea. - No, I mean men.
Fish don't own yachts.
(bright hip-hop music)
- Dad, I need $300.
- That's a lot of money, Hilary, what for?
- I need a new hat. - For what?
- Okay, like I'm going on the Save the Ozone
celebrity bus next Saturday.
It's going to be Bruce Willis and Demi, Rob Lowe.
Emilio Estevez or Charlie Sheen, I can't remember which.
We're going to take the bus all over town
to protest air pollution and then we're going to motor
to the beach and have a big bonfire.
What?
- I'm not an expert or anything
but don't you think driving a big old bus around town
and then having a bonfire is sorta
adding to the problem of pollution?
What do you think, huh?
- Look, if this weren't a good idea, I really,
really don't think Ally Sheedy would be involved.
I have an announcement.
My horoscope said that I will prosper in my house.
So I figured I better go buy one.
- Hallelujah!
Excuse me.
- Hilary, that's wonderful.
- Nothing fancy, no more than six or seven bedrooms.
I don't even care if it has a wine cellar.
For now.
- Wait a minute, how are you going
to afford a house like that?
- I have discovered a unique method of savings.
I never spend my own money.
By the way, Daddy, don't use your platinum card this month.
- Let me get this straight.
All this time, you've been hoarding your talk show salary
while feasting away on the family fortune.
What do you say to that, Big Guy?
- All I heard is that she's moving.
- Oh, Ashley, are you in love?
- I think so, I feel like Derek's the one.
I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anybody else.
- Oh Ash, I'm so happy for you.
But long distance relationships don't usually work out.
I mean, look at the Little Mermaid.
I mean, she was stuck in the sea and he was stuck on land?
- But they ended up together?
- Yeah, with the help of a lobster, you know a lobster?
- Look, Hilary.
I just want to know how you know if -
- I can just tell you that for me,
Lawrence and I really loved each other and we both felt
that we were able to make a responsible decision.
We decided that the time was right.
- Any regrets?
- Didn't I tell you he was buff, hello!
I give up, I can't get a job.
I can't even pound the pavement right.
- Guess your interview didn't go too good, huh?
- It's just not fair, I want my employer to want me for me.
Not for what I've accomplished.
You know what I mean?
- Yeah, Hill, I do, and it scares the hell out of me.
- Tomorrow's just going to be more of the same.
I'm interviewing at a catering company
but I'll never get the job 'cause it's a cold cold world,
Will, and unfortunately, these people only want one thing.
- What, your body? - No, my resume.
You know, Will, life doesn't get any better than this.
I mean, I have a great job, I met a great guy,
and I have the thinnest ankles of any girl I know.
Okay, Hilary, it's your turn, I'll ask you a question.
All right, would it bother you much if upon your death
your body was simply thrown into the woods and abandoned?
- Does it say what I'm wearing?
- You know, I think there may be a question
that you should ask yourself.
- I already did, I'm going to register at Tiffany's.
- No, no, sweetheart.
Are you in love with Trevor? - What's love
got to do with it, I'm having a wedding!
- When is G getting back, I'm starving.
- Don't worry, Will, I made breakfast.
- Oh, damn, I'm full, couldn't eat another bite.
- Come on, Will, I know what I'm doing.
Remember I was a professional caterer.
- And you still would be, if you hadn't poisoned those nuns.
- Hey, the autopsy was inconclusive!