Greetings, and welcome to Earthling Cinema.
I am your host, Garyx Wormuloid.
This week's artifact is Gone Girl.
directed by Being John Malkovich actor
David Fincher
and starring Argo and Gone Baby Gone director
Rosamund Pike.
The film follows Nick Well-Dunne
a beefy Earthling dish
who comes home one day to find his wife Amy has gone AWOL
which stands for
"absent without leaving a note."
The no nonsense female detective finds evidence of a struggle
and conclude without any nonsense
that Amy was murdered.
Audible gasp!
That's audible.com/gasp.
Nick becomes the prime cut suspect
because come on, look at his face.
The detective also finds Amy's diary
but she refuses to read it
because of the girl code.
After everyone dicks around for a while
it's revealed that Amy has been alive all along.
Only on a Class 12 planet!
She orchestrated the whole thing as a goof
to get back at Nick for sentencing her to life in the Midwest
and then cheating on her with Blurred Lines.
♫"Good Girrrrrl~"♫
Nick hires the fastest lawyer in the world
Usain Bolt
who advises him to go on television
a thriving medium that will definitely be around for a long time
in an increasingly web-centric marketplace.
Meanwhile, Amy is robbed in the jungle by some Mozarts
and calls up her old stalker Barney to help hide her.
And he does.
Because that guy is legen--
wait for it...
--ds of the Guardians the Owls of Ga'hoole.
But then Amy sees Nick on TV and she likes him again
because he's famous.
So she kills Barney and frames him for her kidnapping
letting Nick off Scott-Peterson free.
Amy now wants to rekindle paperwhite the flame with Nick
which he's not exactly psyched about
since he's more of a Nook man.
But too late: she artificially inseminated herself with his seed
and the media will crucify him if he bails now.
Moral of the story:
Don't get married.
Gone Girl demonstrates how a well constructed narrative can prevail over reality
even in a movie that couldn't manage a Best Picture nom.
The film posits that 21st century humans are unwilling
or unable
to discern truth in the face of
some juicy goss.
"Can't believe we haven't arrested this guy."
"We're not gonna arrest anybody
just 'cuz some blonde dunce says so."
Amy's version of events contains all the classic elements of a typical "true crime" program
including the violent husband
a turbo-charged life insurance policy
and an ice cold Pepsi twist:
pregnancy.
Amy: "You need to package yourself"
"so that people will Truly mourn your loss."
"And America LOVES pregnant women."
Early on, the film introduces the idea that people can be easily pigeonholed.
Amy: "What type are you?"
Nick: "Corn-fed, salt-of-the-earth, misery guy."
Which is a tasty bit of foreshadowing,
since Amy is a professional pigeonholer.
Amy: "I write personality quizzes for magazines."
Just like a child with too much Play-Doh
the media molds Amy and Nick into a perfect wife
Noelle: "She was so innocent."
and a full fledged monster
Tanner: "The hallmark of a sociopath."
making a mess all over the living room carpet.
A coerced smile on television turns into
damning evidence of Nick's heartlessness
and a quick selfie on some cougar's Samsung Galaxy Note
explodes in everyone's faces.
With the help of Usain Bolt
and the entire country of Jamaica
Nick gains control of the narrative.
Usain Bolt: "A guy admitting that he's a gigantic asshole on television?"
"People empathize with that."
The media immediately switches gears
playing up Nick's redemption angle
like a flugelhorn played upwards.
Nick: "They hated me, now they love me.
The truth doesn't matter.
All that matters is a good story.
Nick: "All of a sudden, I feel like I'm in a Law and Order episode."
The power of the narrative is proven by the film's impact on the viewer
which is mostly me
but also you.
For the first half of the film, the audience is lulled into trusting Amy
who is presented as a beautiful, erudite woman
from a good family
with no history of heart disease.
Amy's story has the indicia of truth
as it is presented through her diary
which is like a Tumblr with zero followers
and therefore has no incentive to lie.
When Amy turns out to be not only not dead
but a zany, adorkable prankster
we realize we have been manipulated by our expectations.
Except that I didn't get to be manipulated
because someone ruined it for me.
Telling someone there's a twist counts a spoiler
Karen!
*rises eyebrows in frustration*
The title "Gone Girl" refers to both the disappearance of Amy's physical self
and the destruction of her personal identity.
Amy spent much of her life trying to live up to others' impossible expectations
namely the "Amazing" version of her that her parents created.
UnAmazing Amy: "I got cut freshman year."
"She made varsity."
And also Harry Potter, for some reason.
The line between Amy's life and the storybook becomes blurred
which is just another cruel reminder of Nick's infidelity.
Even Nick's marriage proposal is a performance
Nick: "A few questions..."
with Nick serving as the journalist
and Amy serving as his editorial on tort reform.
Nick: "My colleagues tell me that you are not yet married."
"Is that correct?"
Amy: "I'm not."
Indeed, the men in Amy's life take over her identity just as her parents did before them
and her children will long after she's dead.
When Amy meets Nick, she believes that she must become
"cool girl"
in order to win him over.
Retired 'cool girl': "Cool girl hot."
"Cool girl is 'game'"
"Cool girl is fun."
"Cool girl never gets angry at her man."
"She only smiles"
"in a chagrin, loving manner"
"and then presents her mouth for fucking."
But Amy doesn't want to be cool
she wants to be a weirdo.
She equates the sacrifice of her true personality to murder
the most heinous of all metaphorical crimes.
Current weirdo: "He took and took from me"
"until I no longer existed."
"That's murder
Later, Barney expresses his own vision of who Amy should be
telling her she should suit up.
Barney: "Decent clothes"
"There's a gym overlooking the lake."
"The sooner you look like yourself
"the sooner you'll feel like yourself."
We might as well equate that to murder too, while we're at it.
Ultimately, Amy's personality becomes so distorted
that nobody knows who the real Amy is
including herself.
But I think we've all been there, right?
No?
No one else with dissociative identity disorder?
Just me? *looks nervously for validation*
And me.
Oh good, heh
at least there's two of us.
For Earthling Cinema
we're Garyx Wormuloid.
And I wanna tell you about another dope channel you should know about called
AWE me.
AWE me is home to mind blowing shows including:
Man at Arms
Super-Fan Builds
Epic How-to
and more.
Click here to visit their channel page
and Subscribe.
And be sure to check out their DIY Prop Shop episode
building Harley Quinn's hammer from scratch.
Oh oh oh snap!
Alright y'all
enough from me
It's time for me to get
goooone~
Goodbye.