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(intense hip-hop music)
♪ Gary Vee ♪
And my number one advice to millennials,
in the way that you asked it, is...
(intense hip-hop music)
- Yeah!
- You got your perspective.
(camera clicks)
(engine revs)
(crowd cheers)
I just wanna be happy...
(distorted and reversed audio)
♪ I don't wanna leave when it falls apart ♪
♪ I don't wanna see you when you're broken ♪
♪ Lookin' at the moon like I'm chasing stars ♪
♪ All I can do is keep in motion ♪
(dark melodic guitar music)
- Vlog, I'm in San Francisco.
In a couple hours, I'll be in Portland for a big meeting.
And a fun kind of talk here with Microsoft,
a Fireside Chat, so it may lead me to some new places.
So I'm sure DRock and I are both optimistic
that I might talk about something new,
because when you have 12, 15, 23 foundational beliefs,
the only way you get new stuff is Q&A,
or when new platforms emerge, like TikTok,
or when new cultural things happen, like slime,
or LinkedIn becomes organic reach.
So I'm a byproduct of a changing behavior
graph with 23 things I believe in.
I'm not gonna use 23, 22.
'Cause fuck Michael Jordan.
(dreamy hip-hop music)
- [Announcer] Gary Vee!
(audience applauds)
(dreamy hip-hop music)
- There's nothing more important than not
allowing your parents to have any leverage.
(scattered laughs)
I mean it.
Parents give money because they want control.
(scattered laughs)
So, my number one advice to millennials,
in the way that you asked it, is to not rely on parents.
And then, number two, to quantify time.
We actually have our whole lives backwards.
You should be doing the most high-risk,
high-reward work from 20 to 30.
The problem is, that's when everybody expects you
to grow up, I think, and grow up has transferred,
in our modern society, to safe.
I mean, I think that everybody under 30
should be tasting everything to get a better sense
of what they're interested in.
So I'd like you to call your parents
and tell them, if they are, and they may not be,
"I don't want any more money from you."
(audience laughs)
And then, I want you to go on a plane
and go to Scotland for no reason.
(audience laughs)
Listen, I get tens of thousands of DMs
from kids that are in their 20s and 30s
that have deep, underlying resentment
and depression because their parents
are quietly paying for their lives.
Which I then tell 'em, "Don't take the money, jerk."
(audience laughs)
But there's almost nothing worse than a parent
subsidizing, secretly, their child's grown-up life.
It will eventually be exposed and talked about,
and I can't wait, because a lot of the underlying
depression that is confusing people
is actually coming from those sources.
And it's even scarier when you dig underneath it,
because what you start realizing is parents
want to posture in front of their friends
that little Sally and Johnny are doing well,
and that's why they're riding a BMW or have a business,
when quietly, they're the ones paying for it.
If you don't stand on your own two feet,
and you're a grown-up, you will be sad.
- Let's give it up for him.
- Thank you.
(audience applauds)
(dreamy hip-hop music)
- [Man] Fantastic.
- Thank you, sir.
- As a father of three girls--
- Yes?
Real pleasure. - Where am I gonna
fuck up? - Yeah, me too.
- (sighs) By creating fake environments.
Accountability is the framework of happiness.
And that is just not the current belief of parenting.
(iPhone rings)
Hey guys, sorry to interrupt your video.
I'm just giving you this call from my number
to let you know that you have to join
my text community, 212-931-5731.
Hit me up with a text.
- Given social media and all?
- A hundred percent.
- Really? - A hundred percent.
- You're kidding me? - Of course.
- You don't stop there.
- Because, that's right, that's an inevitable.
If they're unable to, give them the tools--
- They have the tools.
- Emotionally to deal with judgment,
not keep them away from TikTok.
- Okay.
- Got it?
Quantifying, giving them the ability to quantify feedback.
And the way kids get confidence is actually
by doing things on their own merit,
not by the subsidization of their parents
of them doing those things. - Saying good job,
yeah, yeah.
- 100%! - All right, man.
- It's a very big deal, brother.
- Yeah, dude, it's huge!
- Of course.
- Three girls, age of 12 and under.
- Yeah, and they have extra dynamics of judgment--
- Right, right. - From a physical standpoint,
and things of that nature. - Right.
- But it's gonna come down to their,
when you pay and create fake feedback,
it just leads to entitlement,
which creates vulnerability and fear.
- Okay, man.
- Yeah, you're lucky that it's
so early. - (claps) Yeah.
- It's so early still. (slaps back)
(thoughtful hip-hop music)
- All right, father to father,
I've got two kids.
- How old? - Teenage,
a 15-year-old daughter, a 13-year-old son.
My son might not make it to 14,
but that's a different story.
(Gary laughs)
So, a lot of what you preach is about
not giving a fuck about what other people think, right?
My daughter's really fuckin' good at that.
- That's awesome!
- No, because--
- She becomes condescending?
- No.
- Delusional?
- Well, that's a great, it's not that she doesn't care,
but there's no empathy or kindness behind it.
- So she doesn't have compassion.
- (claps) Yes.
- Okay, to everybody?
- Anybody.
- Yeah.
Has she started feeling the ramifications socially to that?
- She doesn't care, that's the problem.
- For now.
- No doubt.
- And so, I think, look, I think it's a very fine line.
Look, radical candor around love,
and she's not getting it when she's 15.
- Yeah.
- But being consistent on delivering it
not out of frustration, but just a constant tone,
is what you wanna do.
- See, I'm at frustration.
'Cause I can see the mistakes she's making, right?
I see the friends leaving her.
- Die on your own sword.
Meaning, communicate it with empathy.
Honey over vinegar is always the delivery
mechanism of information that matters.
- My wife and I are trying to figure out
the balance of honey and vinegar, right?
- Yeah, and sometimes parents divide and conquer.
My recommendation, and I'm starting to do it already,
I'm starting to get into it with my kids,
10 and seven, as well.
I believe that it's very challenging, 'cause we love them.
Don't go with, here's the story.
"Honey, you notice how Kelly
"doesn't hang out with you anymore?
"It's because you weren't compassionate to her."
And, you know, it's the whole,
"One day, you're gonna really, there's gonna be a problem."
Instead of going with that--
- That's me right now.
- Right, that's why I'm going,
- Yeah, yeah. - I know that's where you are.
That's where everyone goes.
I think you can go with, "Honey, you do you.
"You know you.
"I'm observing, and I'm actually wildly neutral on this,
"even though I'm your dad, 'cause I love you.
"This is what's happening.
"I know that you know.
"You're not gonna admit it to me now,
"'cause you're my daughter.
"I know you know.
"If there's any way I can help in tweaking it,
"or if you ever want my outside observation,
"which you don't want now, let me know."
That's a great way of saying it,
but now you're delivering it in a way
where you're talking even, not down,
and nobody likes being talked down to, especially kids.
- And that's a really good open opportunity
for her to come in.
- And you leave it.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- And when I deliver that, which I will,
and I've done it for executives, best friends,
and eventually, I'll do it with my kids,
I don't need them to lean in then.
You can see what I did there.
I created the framework for them
to lean in the third time it happens,
and now they're frustrated--
- Yeah. - And they're like,
"Fuck, I better go to Dad, 'cause he set up that open"--
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
- 'Cause right now, you're scolding down, you see?
- And we try hard
to not, but... - I believe you, I can tell.
- But it's a fine line. - You know what's funny?
Even if it's not scolding, it's still going this way.
- Absolutely.
- And I think the way to win 15-year-old, what's her name?
- Ava.
- 15-year-old Ava wants it, if you go this way,
there's a switch that happens that gives you a shot.
Ava, promise me one thing.
Don't listen to Dad.
You know what you're doing,
but kindness always wins in the end.
(thoughtful hip-hop music)
- [Question Asker] In Dallas.
- Awesome.
- [Question Asker] And so, one thing I've heard you
touch on a lot and went kinda into depth
into with Jay Shetty--
- Yes.
- [Question Asker] Was having no expectations,
and that'll help you be more grateful--
- (laughs) Yes, yes. - And more appreciative
of others.
I think, in my personal life, I've seen that.
- Yes.
- [Question Asker] How do we translate that
into the workplace, where we are so interdependent
on other people to accomplish our goals?
- That's a really good point.
So, where that has bit me in the ass
is not holding people accountable on merit,
which has been an evolution, because I truly,
back to what I said earlier about employees should,
if they own the same amount, I probably took it
too far, and when I correct it, I'm always better.
Look, I think where it gets tricky
is when you're dependent on a partner,
and then you're being affected by a boss
who, she or he may not have all the context,
one becomes frustrated, all right?
I think it just becomes, this is one
big game of communication, and then being
at the mercy of the company.
Everybody here is at the mercy of the company,
and you need to understand that, you know?
And that's okay.
But the way you do it is you're either
have the courage to have a fruitful
but candorous conversation with the person
that's letting you down, with the people above you.
What most people do, it's amazing to me,
I watch people who have been in my company for seven years
and I have a real relationship with, but they would rather
vent on Slack or in the boys' bathroom
than come and talk to me for five minutes to address it.
People really enjoy complaining.
Because a lot of people actually are fascinated,
people really enjoy the crutch of having something to blame.
That's the best part of being an employee.
What sucks about entrepreneurship is it's your fault.
Every single problem at VaynerMedia is 100% my fault.
I've empowered the people, or I myself am doing it.
(audience laughs)
The best part of all of you sitting here
is you can blame someone.
(audience laughs)
It's fuckin' fun!
It's why we love having parents.
You blame them for your fucked-up shit.
(audience laughs)
So I think it's about communication,
and then you're at the, you know, one of the reasons
I think Vayner has had success, at its end,
I'm genuinely not short-term financially motivated,
and I genuinely view myself as the logo.
And I don't care if somebody's been with me
for 10 years or one day.
As a matter of fact, I would argue
that every time there's a beef between somebody senior
and somebody underneath, I default subconsciously
to believe in the person underneath.
'Cause I believe the person above has more to lose.
It's not always true, obviously,
I've gone millions of times in both ways.
But a lot of companies just are a top-down organization.
- Thank you so much.
(audience applauds)
- Thank you, thank you, guys.
(audience applauds) (thoughtful hip-hop music)