- It literally feels like you're Jiminy Cricket
sitting next to me and like,
telling me these things I always tell myself.
(lighthearted music)
I honestly, my relationship with astrology,
I've always been like into it.
But I don't think I'm into as much as a lot of my friends.
- I'm really fascinated by astrology.
The scientific, rational side of my brain
sometimes feels skeptical or feels kind of crazy
when I'm talking to other people about it.
- I'm obsessed with astrology.
I like to consider myself one of the many
resident witches at Buzzfeed.
But by no means am I a professional astrologer.
I'm someone who's done a lot of reading
of like books, and like on the internet.
- I've never had a real relationship.
So, I hope that I get some tips,
or learn a little bit about myself that helps me do that.
- I would love any information from the astrologer
on what love should look like for me.
Like, what kind of people I should
be connecting with, or drawn to.
- I wanna know more about myself.
I wanna know more about--
- Who knows what's gonna happen?
I might be single for like five more years,
or forever, and hopefully not.
(energetic music)
- Are you in relationships often?
- No, no, no, nah. - Okay, do you wanna be?
- Secretly, yes, I think I like,
put up this front that like, I'm not interested.
- From my chart, do you have any sense
of what the best kind of love relationship could look like?
- When I look at your chart,
you have a stellium in Sagittarius.
Which means you have a butt-load planets in Sagittarius.
Which means you really wanna be free.
You want things to feel spontaneous,
you want it to feel exciting.
And if it doesn't feel exciting and spontaneous,
you're like, "wah, wah."
- Someone recently asked me what my type was.
And then, another friend answered for me.
And was like, "Your type is a man who says,
"like, 'I've never met anyone like you.
"'You've changed my whole life.'"
- Relationships and intimacy is like,
the most important thing to you.
- Yeah. - In the background,
there's always this like, yeah, but family.
But it's all about building,
kind of, your own root structure.
There is this part of you that feels
that if you say it right,
and if you explained it just so perfectly,
then they'll show up.
- There's a certain, sort of, magic, I think, behind words.
So, the hope is like, you're right,
like, "If I say the right words."
I'm trying not to cry, but--
I feel like this last year was a big lesson
in like, sometimes there are never gonna be the words.
- There's a part of you that's just like,
"I wanna do my life, my way.
"Don't tell me how to live, don't tell me how to act."
And then, there's the rest of you.
Which is secretly a scrapbooker.
You have an inner scrapbooker.
And all she wants is let out.
- Oh, that's so accurate, oh, wow, that's so true.
I totally put up this like, "Whatever."
Because I mean, don't get me wrong,
I do think men are trash.
But part of me is still like, holding onto to that like,
"But there's one out there who like will--
- You're very romantic.
What you want is to be the center of someone's world.
And when you like someone,
they're the (beeps) center of your universe.
And your sense of abandonment,
and your sensitivity to criticism is really high.
Part of how you navigate that
is by keeping people at arm's length.
- It's really easy to be like, "My life, your life.
"We're separate," but then, when I care about someone,
it's like years of ups and downs,
it's years of drama, even if I'm not being treated well,
or we're just not a match for other reasons,
it's really hard for me to let that go.
- What this does is it makes it really hard
for you to recognize like, "Okay, wait a second, okay.
"I actually need to tap out, and I need to find myself."
Because once you've woven a narrative,
it's almost like you need it
in order to justify your feelings,
instead of validating your own feelings,
and then, checking in with the narrative.
Has the story changed?
- Yeah, I kept wanting to look back at the chart
to be like, "How is it telling you this?
"And how do you know things that I,
"myself, can't even articulate?"
- When you get into it with somebody,
whether it's a friend or a lover what happens is
you have this compulsion
to believe their version of things.
And you do it as a show of loyalty and devotion.
And that's fine, except for you do it in this way
where you abandon yourself in order to do it.
- I was just like, "Whoa, how does like,
"a stranger just read a chart,
"and just automatically know like,
"the nuances in my life that I don't
"divulge to just like anybody?"
- The problem part, or the romantic part of you,
has this Disney princess fantasy.
That the perfect boy in the perfect situation
will make you the perfect person,
and everything will be wonderful.
The problem with that is there's no perfect boy,
and there's no perfect time,
that's not really how it works.
What actually happens is messy people come together,
and we have a messy connection that becomes perfect.
You've come here, really on a soul level,
to figure out how to have feelings.
When you start catching feels,
whether it's about a person, or about yourself,
there's something in you that gets like,
"I need to figure this out.
"I need to figure this out and make myself safe.
"And then, I can hide," it works.
But then, it ends up making you feel
like you can't get what you want,
even though you've taken great pains to get something else.
- It's really crazy to have someone
who's never met you before,
look at a screen on a computer
and tell you things about yourself
that would take you years to explain to someone.
(lighthearted music)
- If you try on a pair of jeans,
and the jeans look terrible on your ass,
that does not mean your ass is terrible.
It means the jeans are terrible for your ass.
And you kind of got to trust.
People are meant to be your people.
And if you can allow yourself to say,
"Okay, the evidence shows this person doesn't work
"for me the way I want a relationship to work."
And you can allow yourself to be hurt.
And you can allow yourself to walk away.
Then, you're actually, you're being really healthy.
When things are really vulnerable,
and there's a risk of you being
seen for who you really are,
it's hard for you to let somebody in,
in that sexual romantic way.
It puts you in a position where you're watching for safety.
And while we're watching for safety,
what we're really doing is tracking danger.
And when you're tracking danger, you're not open to love.
You're trying to protect yourself from being harmed.
But here's the joke, we call it falling in love,
because you get hurt, inevitably.
Love is pain, love is trauma.
- Yeah. - It's worth it.
Because you know, what they say,
the brighter the light, the deeper the shadow.
- It was kind of uncomfortable to be so vulnerable,
and to have someone who could
just see through kind of my guards.
'Cause I'm pretty good at like,
maintaining how people see me, and what people think of me.
So, it's kind of hard to exist
in a space where it was like,
no matter what guard I put up,
it could be seen right through.
- I'm gonna give you easy steps, one is breathe.
See how you're not breathing right now?
Did you catch yourself?
Yeah. - Yeah, I need to breathe.
- Yeah, you have this mercury Neptune
opposition in your birth chart,
which in English, you have a tendency to hold your breath.
It's like you're waiting for things to happen to you.
So, you're kind of like,
abandoning yourself, leaving your body.
And so, if you breathe,
you're making the choice to stay present.
And when you're present, you have more choices.
- Honestly, like everything that you're saying,
is pretty much like my subconscious, like at all times.
- Are there a lot of charts like mine?
Where there are people who need
to kind of play in that mid space, between both?
- Your problem is you want the ocean and the forest.
You want two things that don't happen at once.
And that's actually a split within you.
It's because you're not owning the complexity
and the messiness of what you want.
And if you can own that, and own like,
"Okay, so when I fall for someone,
"I'm like weird and needy, and also need space.
"And I just need to learn how
"to be kind to myself around that.
"And like move slowly enough with men,
"so that I don't act outside of my best interests.
"And I like, work with that."
Then, you'll find a man.
You're work, at this time,
is not to find the perfect partner.
Your work at this time is to
be the perfect partner to yourself.
So that what you're attracted to changes.
And what you're willing to consent to is clearer,
it's coming from a clearer center within you.
(energetic music)
- I think I'm gonna put myself out there a lot more.
And try to not take so much charge.
Show interest, and show that I am
willing and open to be in a relationship.
But at the same time, once I crack the door,
I wanna let someone else open it.
- I found it to be like one part magic,
one part therapy, and one part,
like having someone read your diary aloud to you.
- I think, especially when you're out there,
and you're dating, and you're falling in love,
and you're meeting people,
you're constantly trying to explain to them,
and they're explaining to you,
like, "Who am I, who are you?"
You know, and you have to like,
put into words, everything about you.
And hope that this person gets it,
and like is compatible in some way.
And I almost want to just bring my chart with me now
whenever I'm meeting someone, and be like,
"Can you just look at this,
"and decide if you're down with this or not?"
- This was just such, kind of,
like a transformative experience for me.
Even if like you don't believe in astrology,
just give it a shot, maybe like once.
If it's not your thing, it's not your thing.
But at least give it a shot, you will be surprised.
(energetic music)