- "Wow, Ethan, great moves, keep it up, proud of you!"
- Boy, Hila, I'm really craving pizza, I mean, uh...
You have any ideas?
NO STOP IT, you're wrong,
because you weren't gonna say Papa John dot com's new worldwide pizza website!
Do you know any other pizza places that roll off the tongue like that?
Papa John dot com,
new worldwide pizza website.
BOOM, dude!
Domino's. Come on,
come on, dude, that's so clunky!
That- I'm burning t-
I'm burning a hundred calories just trying to say that name.
Little Caesar?
OHHH GOD!
I have a little seizure sayin' a name like that.
Papa John dot com. It's like velvet.
It's like silk in my mouth.
- "Greetings! And welcome!
Welcome to Papa's house!
Today is an exciting day in the history of Papa John's.
Come on in, we'll talk about it."
- 'Greetings!'
Whoa, this guy just got a lotta class all the sudden.
'This is Papa John dot com,
reporting from the Papa John Mansion Centre!
We're just average American people orderin' pizza online!
Greetings!'
- "And welcome!
Welcome to Papa's house!"
- I love that 'Welcome! Welcome!'
It's so endearing!
He's just- He's just so down to earth.
- "This morning, we launched...
...our Papa John's dot com worldwide website."
- WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT IS THIS, A LAS VEGAS HOTEL?!
WHAT IS THIS CENTERPIECE, DUDE?! MY GOD!
CAN YOU BE A LITTLE MORE FUCKIN' DISCRETE ABOUT YOUR WEALTH, DUDE?!
You're publishing this on your website, man, give me a couple guns and a couple of good, hearty criminals,
let's go fuckin' take this dude out, man, he's got a lotta
let's go fuckin' take this dude out, man, he's got a lotta WEALTH!!!
I NEED YOUR MONEEEYYY!!!
- "We've been workin' eighteen months for this day.
The site is easier, it's simpler and it's more engaging.
And I got a special guest that's gonna walk us through this.
I think you'll like him."
- 'I think you're gonna like my special guest. A lot.'
Oh boy, who is it? I can't wait to meet 'im!
- "I got my best friend, my helper...
- "...my son, Beau."
- "Beau's in the house!"
- WHAT THE FUCK?! Why am I a-
I don't care about Papa John Jr., dude.
Don't fuckin' hype me up, I thought you were gonna be there with like, uh...
O. J. Simpson.
Someone famous that I can get down with and get funky with, you know what I mean?
O. J. Simpson? I woulda been like
WOW!
- "Beau's in the house!"
- Come on, don't give me your son!
You've got gold-plated walls, dude, give me some... some star power!
I wanna see Whitney Houston!
I wanna see Michael Jackson's dad!
You know who I wish was there?
I don't- I don't know anybody.
- "Beau's in the house!"
- That kid is gonna be so...
...badly adjusted to real life.
Boy.
You are just punishing your son, man.
He doesn't deserve this, Papa.
- "Alright, how 'bout some Coke?"
- "Have a couple sodie pops."
"Couple sodie pops."
"...sodie pop-"
"...sodie pops."
"...couple sodie pops."
- I love that, how he just...
He just throws in a sodie pops.
He's just such a good old boy, you know?
- "Schnatter lives in a forty thousand square foot mansion with a twenty two car garage
and this guy doesn't wanna give pizza delivery workers health insurance?"
- *deeper* "Couple sodie pops."
- He might live in a house comparable to, like, a, uh...
...medieval monarch, 'kay,
but he's just so down to earth.
Sodie pop. Ah.
He's a great guy.
- "At Papa John's dot com, ya always get great value for your money."
- 'Son, let me tell you somethin'.
At Papa John's dot com, ya always get great value.'
'SHUT UP, DAD, YOUR PIZZA SUCKS, DUDE I PREFER PIZZA HUT!
FUCK YOU, DAD!
EVEN DOMINO'S IS BETTER THAN PAPA JOHN!
MORE LIKE PAPA FAGGOT!
MORE LIKE PAPA DAD SUCKS DICK!
MORE LIKE PAPA DAD'S MOLESTED ME WHEN I WAS EIGHT AND I HAVEN'T BEEN THE SAME SINCE, DAD!'
You never know.
- "Hey. I'm high pizza, low tech."
- "I'm high tech, high pizza." - "Alright."
- This guy, once again, is worth six hundred million.
I mean dude, a little more production value, please.
'kay? Maybe a new location,
'cause I'm comin' to rob you, dawg.
Hope you tighten your security, because I'm not fuckin' around,
those vases at your doorstep look dank.
I already have buyers lined up.
Better chain those down, dude.
- "Ready to check out?"
- "Let it happen, cap'n."
- "Done."
- "Now did I tell ya? That was fast."
- "I'd say so." - "That was real fast!"
- High five. What an achievement. We ordered a pizza online.
High five, what an achievement, Beau!
*doorbell rings* - "We're makin' history!
"Click o' the mouse, and Papa's in the house."
"Heyyy, Matt, how ya doin'?"
- 'Hey, I didn't realize you were out there with the camera man!
How'd you get out there with the camera man? I didn't see!
I'm so surprised by your- by you being here!'
- "Matt's one of a hundred thousand team members that make Papa John's great,
we're real proud o' him, he does a terrific job and you've been with us two years?"
- "Yep." - "Two years?
I paid for these." - "Online already."
- "Yep. I gave you your tip."
- "Mhm. Big tip."
- "I got these, Beau."
- Did they make him s-
I mean, I've never seen a more awkward encounter, I mean they coulda shot that again here.
For Pete's sake, dude.
For pizza's sake.
'Okay, now I gave you your money, right?'
'Ohp, yep.' 'And I already tipped ya.'
Why didn't ya just tip him on the fuckin' thing, dude, instead of having to say that and make it so awkward?
'Okay, well, I already tipped ya, right?
Say- Okay, now we're gonna sh- Say it was a big tip.
I already tipped ya now, right?'
'Oh yep. Big tip.'
I wanna see what- what a person in a house like that tips for a pizza.
He's like 'Well I already pay your salary, buddy and that's tip enough, 'kay?'
- "I got these, Beau." - "Nah, I'll be taking those."
- "You got 'em?" - "Yes."
- "'preciate ya."
- "Thank you." - "Have a great day,"
- "Thanks for *unintelligible*" - "Thanks for comin' by
and Matt just made history, he's the first...
...delivery driver to deliver Papa John's worldwide...
...uh, Papa John dot com on our new internet site today and we're real proud o' him."
"Where'd Beau run off with those pizzas?"
- You know, I find the banter between father and son really heartwarming.
You can tell...
...that they really just love each other.
It's a really strong, happy family home behind the gold-plated walls.
You know, behind the ancient artifacts that he collects just as a status symbol and not for the historical significance.
You know, under the mausoleum where he'll be buried under his tomb under the Great Pyramids of Papa John.
You can tell that he's just a good old boy with a- some great family values.
'SHUT UP DAD, YOU FUCKER!
I PREFER PIZZA HUT,
I PREFER PIZZA HUT, YOU BIIITCH!'
- "Papa's in the house!"
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "Beau's in the house!"
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "Couple sodie pops."
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "I think you'll like him."
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "...sodie pops."
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "Greetings!"
- *audience chanting* "PAPA'S IN THE HOUSE!" - "Greetings!" "I paid for these." "Couple sodie pops."
*audience cheering* "Papa so--sodie pops."
*audience cheering* "So-sodie-sodie-sodie pops." "'preciate ya."
*audience clapping "...sodie pops."
- "Wow!"
- An unoriginal...
h3h3
h3h3 Productiooonnns! "And I'm ready to crunch!"