hey there everybody and welcome to this presentation on the betrayed spouse I am
your host Dr. Dawn-Elise Snipes This is the first in a series of
presentations on the betrayed spouse we're gonna make these the little short
videos that we have just recently started doing but I will combine the
entire series to make a CEU course if you are a counselor and you are wanting
CEUs for this but let's go ahead and get started
betrayal is an emotional assault that causes the loss of trust the loss of the
relationship you thought you had and a need to reconsider your assumptions
about your emotional and physical safety people and the world
when I say betrayal is an emotional assault a lot of people who have
experienced betrayal will describe it as feeling like they got punched in the gut
for a second it feels like a physical assault
it is a occurrence that activates our threat response system we do need to
recognize that it is a it does cause injury mental psychological health
injury the losses people experience as a result of betrayal need to be grieved we
need to work through the process of denial anger bargaining depression and
acceptance to move through this process not only grieving the loss of that
relationship as you knew it but also grieving your loss of trust maybe in
other people for a little while or your alteration of your view of the world
betrayal affects people physically effectively which means emotionally
cognitively environmentally and relationally when we experience betrayal
it cuts to our very core as humans we are social creatures some more social
than others but we do as humans tend to want connection which is why we have an
entire hormone dedicated toward connection and that's our oxytocin so
when we experience a betrayal or a hurt that comes from one of the people that
we think of as social support one of those people that
we trusted it cuts to the very core of our being
now I said betrayal affects us every single possible way that anything could
affect us and in this video we're really going to talk about the physical effects
of betrayal right after somebody finds out that they've been betrayed as I said
a lot of times they talk like they feel like they got kicked in the gut or you
know they may have other metaphors for what is going on but that is an
expression of their threat response system or their HPA axis being activated
their body has dumped a ton of cortisol it's dumped norepinephrine and glutamate
which are fight or flee neuro chemicals it's also caused alterations in our sex
hormones and our thyroid hormones as a result of the perception of a threat
your body is preparing to fight or flee because it wants to survive people may
experience appetite changes when our HPA axis is activated our threat response
system is activated it tells our body now's not the time to rest and digest
now is the time to fight or flee so your GI system tends to be on you know sped
up so you may experience cramping or diarrhea you may have a loss of appetite
the other end of the spectrum you may gravitate toward foods that are known to
cause the release of dopamine and serotonin like your high-fat high-sugar
foods being aware of what you're craving why you're craving it and what you're
eating is really important for you to feel happy and healthy your body needs
proper nutrition your body needs the building blocks it gets from the food
that you eat to make serotonin and dopamine and all those chemicals that we
want flowing through our body you may not have a big appetite right now it's
important to work with your healthcare provider or be cognizant and work with
yourself to make sure that you are trying to get at least reasonable
nutrition sleep changes are also very common during this period because
when our threat response system is activated our body is saying it is not
safe to go into that deep restorative sleep we need to be ready to go we need
to be ready to fight or flee at a moment's notice so you're probably
staying more ramped up which means you're maybe sleeping more but getting
worse quality sleep so you may be fatigued all the time those are expected
reactions when your HPA axis is activated it will be important during
this time to make sure that you are trying to maintain the same sleep
schedule you're going to sleep about the same time that you've used to each night
getting up about the same time and minimizing your use of stimulants
stimulants especially caffeine can stay in your system for up to 12 hours
so the caffeine that you drink at noon can still be keeping you awake or
impairing your sleep at 10:00 or 11:00 o'clock at night it is really important
to be aware of the things that you're doing that may impair your sleep you
also want to stay hydrated kind of going back to appetite for a second when we
are dehydrated we will feel increased fatigue and have more difficulty
concentrating which will contribute to feelings of depression and feeling
overwhelmed and like you don't know which way to turn which is those are all
very common feelings after a betrayal we don't want to exacerbate those by having
low blood sugar dehydration or being sleep-deprived so those are some
practical things that you can do to help your body regain control over that HPA
axis migraines and GI disturbances are common side effects of stress and a lot
of different things may cause them understanding that the hormone and
chemical changes that take place in your body when you're under stress may
trigger these things and when your threat response system when that HPA
axis calms down a lot of those symptoms will be
reduced significantly those alterations and thyroid and sex hormones can happen
as a result of extended stress and we want to recognize that when that happens
we're probably going to have reduced energy and reduced libido again with
that threat response system the primitive part of our brain says now is
not the time to procreate so we're not gonna worry about libido right now which
means that some of those sex hormones are going to go down unfortunately
there's a correlation between those sex hormones and some of our mood hormones
like serotonin when estrogen goes down serotonin availability goes down which
means our mood may go down as well as our pain tolerance may also go down
so there's estrogen and testosterone are not just sex hormones they're involved
in our mood in our energy levels in our sleep and our general feelings of
well-being another reason it's important to take steps to minimize as much
ongoing stress as possible so that HPA axis can be turned down so our body can
get out of that fight or flee state we can start to reregulate and then feel
like we can think clearly in order to make the next best decision for us other
effects of the HPA axis can be fatigue and exhaustion not only from not
sleeping well but also from those altered thyroid and sex hormones when
testosterone is low for example people often have very little energy but
fatigue and exhaustion can also happen just from having those thoughts
constantly and having that brain going when that HPA axis is activated it's
also causing your body - dump a bunch of blood glucose or blood sugar so you have
the energy to fight or flee even though you may not be moving a lot you are
actually burning a lot of blood sugar which can lead you to feel hypoglycemic
and exhaust going back to those appetite sleep
changes make sure you take care of your physical health in order to mitigate
some of the effects of betrayal you're not going to be able to prevent them
completely unfortunately because your reaction is
to that assault your reaction is a very normal reaction the key is saying okay
it is what it is I've been betrayed what is the next best thing I can do to have
for me what is important to me in my life to have a rich and meaningful and
happy life what is an important thing that I need to do to maintain or to work
toward getting back to being healthy and happy
thank you for watching and I will see you on the next episode