We have all experienced supply chain issues recently, right?
You order something, it doesn't arrive on time--
it's happening to everything.
Some groceries are harder to find.
Cars are harder to buy.
And I was supposed to have a studio audience by now,
but, apparently, they're stuck on a container ship
off the coast of California.
But, believe it or not, these supply chain issues
might affect you even after you're dead.
NEWSMAN: From the pandemic to quarries closing,
businesses that make monuments for grave sites
are having trouble getting granite.
CONNER: A lot of the products that we sell,
it's mined in India or Brazil or Italy.
And when they all shut down,
they weren't sending anything out.
MAN: This originally would take,
oh, maybe two months to get.
Now eight months.
Okay, before we move on, can I just say for a second
I love a gravestone that shows someone's priorities.
You know, like, most of the time, it's like "loving father,"
"devoted husband," but then this dude was just like,
"Screw you, family. I'll be playing golf with Jesus."
And, I'm sorry, but eight months is too long
to wait for a gravestone.
I mean, after eight months,
how are you even gonna remember where you buried the person?
"All right, everyone,
"you guys all remember this leaf and what it looks like, okay?
"We'll come put the gravestone here in eight months.
"You got it, everybody? It's a orange leaf,
with a little tinge of yellow. Something like that."
So, obviously, this is extremely inconvenient
for a lot of people.
But it got me thinking--
like, maybe this gravestone problem
could be an opportunity to reexamine
how modern society handles the dead.
Because it's actually kind of a big problem,
starting with cemeteries.
Because, yes, cemeteries are the number one place
goth kids go to make out,
but it turns out they're also getting more crowded
than a Boris Johnson quarantine party.
NEWSWOMAN: We've got a grave issue on your hands.
As the world's population increases
and becomes increasingly urban,
the cities of the world are running out of room
to bury their dead.
NEWSWOMAN 2: In France, cemeteries in big cities
are overcrowded.
NEWSMAN: In L.A.'s rapidly filling cemeteries,
some family plots being listed at over a million dollars.
New bylaws passed in Vancouver will allow
the city's only cemetery
to bury multiple unrelated people in the same grave.
NEWSWOMAN 3: This means that up to three people
who want to participate will be able to share a grave.
Okay, okay.
Getting buried with two other people?
I mean, that raises a few questions from my side.
Like... like, what is the body arrangement?
You know? Are we-- are we stacking them like pancakes
or are we dropping them in vertical like crayons?
Or are they spooning?
'Cause, I mean, if we're spooning,
that's cool and everything. I just want to know
who's gonna be the big spoon.
'Cause I don't mind doing it for a while,
but I'm not gonna do it for eternity.
I want to be cuddled, too. You know?
Plus, my arm's gonna be dead.
Like dead dead.
And I know a lot of people right now might be like,
"Trevor, you can't be putting dead bodies
"on top of each other.
what about their dignity?"
Yeah, but think about it. Have you been to New York?
People are already stackingly living on top of each other.
I mean, if we have to have roommates,
why not the dead?
And, look, I get wanting to be buried
in the city that you lived in.
I understand that. You know, it makes it easier
for your loved ones to come and visit your grave,
and you have a shorter commute
when you go to haunt them every night.
But the fact is cities are running out of space.
And it's not even just a space issue,
because now we're learning that traditional burial methods
also leave behind a toxic trail
for the people who are still living.
Right now, what most Americans consider
a traditional burial takes a big toll on the environment.
About 4.3 million gallons of embalming fluid are used
in U.S. burials each year.
NEWSMAN: A typical body requires three pounds
of this formalin solution and sends 120 gallons
of untreated funeral waste directly into the sewage system,
including blood, fecal matter, organ fluid
and carcinogenic chemicals,
as well as whatever unknown diseases the body contains.
An option that's becoming more popular
in the U.S. is cremation,
but despite its apparent minimalism,
cremation is resource-intensive, too.
It takes around 28 gallons of fuel
to turn just one person into ash.
NEWSMAN 2: You're heating a body for two hours
up to 1,800 degrees.
You're releasing pollutants into the atmosphere,
most significantly mercury.
NEWSMAN 3: Each year, cremations in the United States
release the same amount of CO2 as 70,000 cars.
Yeah, it turns out all that stuff that we do
to dead bodies is super bad for the environment.
I mean, I guess, on the plus side,
all the toxic shit we dump into the sewers
is gonna make some cool, new Ninja Turtles,
but aside from that, it is pretty disturbing.
And by the way, I don't know about you,
but this really makes me look differently at the Mafia.
You know, all this time, I thought
throwing bodies into the river was just a way
to cover up their crimes, but it turns out,
they just really care
(with accent): about the environment.
So our modern burial rituals come with a lot of baggage.
There's the space issue, there's the environment,
and I haven't even gotten to how awkward it is
to tip the gravedigger.
Thanks for burying Nana.
Here's a... a dollar? $300?
I don't know, man. This is weird.
And while traditional burials aren't going away any time soon,
there are more and more sustainable alternatives
out there for people who decide to think outside the coffin.
NEWSWOMAN: Around the world, there's a growing movement
to make funeral practices more sustainable.
NEWSWOMAN 2: One of these is a process called "Aquamation,"
that is essentially a way of dissolving a body,
and uses a heated bath of potassium hydroxide
and water that can be safely disposed down the drain.
NEWSMAN: It's more environmentally friendly
since there's zero toxin emissions,
and it has about one tenth
of the carbon footprint as a cremation.
NEWSWOMAN 3: Washington state governor Jay Inslee
just signed a law making it the first state
allowing human composting.
Or turning a body into soil,
recomposition is the ultimate green way to go,
using an eighth of the energy of cremation.
NEWSMAN 2: And there are other options.
The Infinity Burial Suit,
a shroud that helps the body decompose.
Or the Ecopod, where your body becomes the root of a new tree.
Now that's how I want to go out.
What? Ecopod, you hear that?
I want that. I die, they turn me into a tree.
I grow. I provide for the community with my fruits,
provide shade for the kids when they play.
Then when I get old, they chop me down
and turn me into toilet paper.
Then... I get in that ass, Cindy! Yeah!
You said I had zero chance,
but now you're wiping your ass with me.
I'm in there, girl. I played the long game.
No, seriously, I actually like this idea of a green burial.
I mean, yeah, it's good for the environment and all that,
but it'll also help you flex on everyone else
when you get to heaven.
Oh, you got buried?
Yeah, I just thought that that was kind of bad
for the environment, so I was melted in acid instead.
I guess I'm just a little bit better
than you are as a person...
(gasps) Mr. Rogers.
Well, anyway, for more on the alternatives
to traditional burials, we turn now
to our burial expert, Ronny Chieng.
Hey, uh, first off,
Happy Lunar New Year, Ronny.
Yeah, well, thanks for making me come to work
to talk about death. That's not bad luck at all.
Oh. My bad. I-I guess I didn't think about that. Sorry.
Well, what a surprise.
But at least I got a chance to pick up
some flowers for Valentine's Day, eh?
They're just sitting out here for free.
I-I don't think they're free.
Ronny, I think someone left them there for-for the dead.
Yeah, exactly. What a waste.
Just like this entire cemetery, wasted on the dead.
I mean, this is prime real estate.
Look, right here, this could be a Cheesecake Factory.
And over here, this this could be another Cheesecake Factory.
Look, you do have a point.
T-There's all sorts of alternatives to cemeteries.
Like, for instance, human composting or aquamation.
Yeah, I don't know what any of those words mean.
Trevor, here's what I think, okay?
We need to stop throwing away perfectly good bodies,
and we need to start using them!
I don't like where this is going.
Yeah, I don't just mean sex stuff, okay?
There's all sorts of things a dead body can be used for.
Like, think about it,
how many times have you watched Law & Order and thought,
"That's not even a real dead body"?
I've never thought that once, Ronny.
Well, trust me. When you see as many dead bodies
as I have, you become a real stickler for details, okay?
But, but fine. Forget Law & Order.
How many times have you been stuck in traffic? Huh?
Huh? You get a dead body,
now you're cruising to work in the carpool lane.
Wouldn't we be worried about the police seeing you
with a dead body in your car?
(scoffs) That's why you only use dead white bodies,
so you don't get pulled over.
Right. And that makes sense.
The point is, I've got a ton of ideas for dead bodies.
Okay, look. Uh... okay, uh,
scarecrows, uh, all-natural mannequins at the Gap, uh,
sex stuff-- that was your idea-- uh...
Oh, put one in the foyer, so if a murderer comes to your house,
he'll think somebody already beat him to it.
Uh, okay, what else? Uh...
sell one as an NFT?
Wait, w-w-wait, wait. What? An NFT? How...
I don't know! People just keep yelling at me about NFTs,
all right? It can't be any dumber
than an ape that looks like Gwyneth Paltrow.
Yeah, I don't-I don't get the apes. B-B-But... (sighs)
Let me ask you this. Which one of these things, like,
these new techniques, do you want us to do with your body?
(scoffs) Oh, my body? Oh, no. None of them.
I'm going full mausoleum, covered in gold. I'm thinking
ten bedroom, ten bath and you'll have a Cheesecake Factory in it.
That actually sounds great, Ronny.
I bet you can't wait to be dead.
Whoa. That's like, the worst thing you could say
on Lunar New Year to someone, all right?
That's disgusting.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I-I-- Um, I'll say something else. Um...
Uh... (speaks Cantonese)
Oh, my God. Your pronunciation is even worse.
Just wish I die.