The following trailer is Rated H for Honest.
In a world, that been devoid of true 3d mario game for far too long.
Prepare your body for a torpedo of weapons grade platforming,
designed to seek out your happiness gland,
and juiced that sucker until it's dry.
Get ready to feel like a kid all over again.
As you, yah, wah and wa-hoo your way, through some of the most creative mario worlds to date.
Discovering and gameplay experience that feels like a direct sequel to Mario 64,
if they stuffeded every level with like 70 more stars.
More unique side quests and secrets than Ubisoft open-world,
and three Gorge Clooney's worth of charm.
In a massive mario masterpiece that's so good,
it might convince the most hardened console-war veterans to buy a switch,
even if they're still trying to shoehorn in motion controls.
Hey, it wouldn't be a Nintendo game with at least one insane design choice.
Button up the bright blue overalls of your favorite Italian stereotype, Mario,
and rescue the princess once again from a beast turtle, Bowser, the world's kid-friendliest kidnapper,
as he prepares to finally make Peach a dishonest woman in a creepy, forced marriage,
but, only after collecting a bunch of tacky bulls**t across the globe for the wedding,
forcing Mario to team up with some sort of sentient hat ghost that can possess the souls of the living,
and collect moon shades to power your weird hat ship so you can complete your quest
which you'll immediately forget about as you get distracted by every new shiny thing you see like a two year old.
I mean this is, what, the 15th times she's been kidnapped?
She can wait a couple more hours.
Discover the most obviously drug-influenced Mario to date.
As Odyssey introduces you to a, world where Mario co-exists with realistic looking dinosaurs,
borderline racist Mexican skeleton men,
some near auto-mata asentient robots,
and normally proportioned human beings in basically New York,
suggesting that Mario isn't even human
but instead some kind of goblin or pixie,
a fact underscored by his new ability to suck himself into his enemies' brains via hat,
resulting in a Willy Wonka-esque nightmare tunnel sequence,
where he destroys their consciousness and replaces it with his own.
In a gameplay mechanic that's fun and adorable as long as you don't think about it too hard.
I mean, seriously, though, even in Mario's world, that has gotta be some sort of crime.
I mean at least Kirby had the decency to eat his victims.
(victory music)
Hop, flip, and roll your way, through Mario's most acrobatic adventure to date,
with an ever expanding list of jumps that make controlling Mario inherently fun,
and combined with his magic hat powers starts to feel straight-up broken,
as you learn to combine wall jumps, bounces, and dives
to Skyrim up the sides of buildings
and leap across enormous gaps,
in a natural feeling addition to Mario's normal abilities.
Finally realizes the potential of Mario's Sunshine's fludd.
Look, it's all right if you think Mario Sunshine is good
as long as you, also accept that you're wrong.
Gorge yourself until you can't Mario anymore,
as Odyssey dishes up an insane amount of collectibles and unique challenges
with moons as easy as ground pounding the right bump,
to rage inducing challenges that will haunt your dreams,
and hundreds of coins to acquire
to spend on one of Odyssey's best's new features: Mario dress up,
or you'll slap him in all sorts of costumes from the nostalgic to the ridiculous,
or just perv out on Mario's nipples all day.
Is a man not entitled to expose his pepperonis without judgment?
Shame on you, internet.
So slip on those Mickey Mouse gloves
and get ready to toss Cappy at your free time.
Because if you own a switch and you're not playing Mario Odyssey
then what are you even doing with your life?
and...
You know, I could get used to this crisp white-suited Bowser. He's extremely fashion forward.
You know, I like that in a horrible kidnapping monster.
Comment below on what you want me to read and my epic voice.