miles short of you got mascots oh yes
what does he not yeah I've got this is
actually it's been in the family for
years this is a um since I was very my
grave
no I heard about your drama I bought
Sean I guess it's on you but won't even
the same thing so when the up portrait
on the home from I'd rather go up my
Toblerone and bank or something to get
us just to keep the team morale high and
in trouble and main whales Ford ideal
but we never get clearance and time from
popcorn so and they thought we were
gonna be disrespectful about the brand
that's crazy
so you
yeah Tyrone Danny reason the Swiss made
chocolate right so we don't associated
the blood diamonds and Nazi gold well
you cylinders yes you're some
backup mascots
oh yeah no sure sure had a plane she
want us for your meat stall that off the
Diablo deal set Matt off so talk alone
can want it a Wong hard so what's going
on Jimmy is you fired me so maker be a
cash I've done a bit of a deal got a
sponsor for the show show is now
sponsored by banister company it's
actually my half-brother
Fabio's company it's give me 60 quid and
all we have to do is do a little little
bit of advertisement me to it up
[Laughter]
once went to see the film shame with
these dad but said the graphic sex made
it very awkward everyone in the cinema
asked them to stop
my dad
first time on the show you can be better
on the numbers or the letters I think
it's gonna be letters I think I'm a man
of words because I spent half my time at
University studying English what would
you do the other half I was captain of
the school's kissing team the school's
kissing team did a lot of practice home
with your dad I would imagine if you got
a mascot yes I do have a mascot I've got
a pizza is your mascot yes my mascot
your main problem with that okay I'm not
lucky on this show and I bought all my
mascots in so I've just bought in
comfort food to get me through it well
to be growing I brought in a cake
another part of my mascot can we can we
see how far you get through the pizza
and the cake during the show I may not
finish the flake advert
[Music]
I'll shut this down now no eat it
[Laughter]
[Applause]
it comes to me the feeder
a door-to-door salesman Johnny um yeah I
did it BAE I did three nights you did
three nights what did you sell when lots
of people bought the council houses I
went door-to-door and offered to service
the older gas devices so we would come
in and put on the twenty five pounds the
would service have a device and that
vote would cover you for the year so
your initial Carlisle charge would be
covered under that 25 pound I didn't
know you were going to ask me about that
inferno we're in this ridiculous
sure naked women on it I look like a
flying helicopter named Barbie
there's a woman by the bundle with a
legs akimbo don't we'd be discussing
going door-to-door all let's move on
that was a bit quiet
all I'm saying and I'll stand by my
point
[Laughter]
[Applause]
okay time to go across once again to
dictionary corner Graig what have you
got for us when I was an educator as I
was for many years I was fortunate
enough that there was a guest speaker at
the school I taught at and it was the X
champion boxer chris eubank he very
kindly came in for nothing to inspire
the children and he did three and a half
hour lecture to them it was unusual and
it consisted of him telling some loot
anecdotes but he interspersed and was
very aggressive poems shouted into the
children's faces you know it was really
inspiring anyway I realized afterwards I
didn't think I could do impressions I've
never been out to do impressions but I
can do an incredible impression of Chris
Eubank because he inspired me that day
I've realized that classic works of
literature sound better through Eubanks
voice what a treat for us all I thought
I'd present some to you and before I do
I'll tell you that my agent and every
member of production I've spoken to on
this show has made it very clear they
think this is a terrible idea
[Laughter]
after jumping on people I said I have to
I take a wife I take a while to get
Chris's boy so bear with me after you
[Applause]
culture please that was the age of
wisdom what the age of foolishness thank
you I mean something is it's actually a
very good Nelson Mandela shall I compare
thee to a summers day my lovely and more
temperate rough winds just to compare
America he wouldn't be offended you know
okay say pugilist the few times that see
that Zack cuts mean that's his keyword I
wasn't a fighter I was up here jealous
you're talking to me you're talking to
I know what you're thinking
if are the worst impressions ever
[Laughter]
[Applause]
yeah I got a few so I've got my lucky
thesaurus I just as I've been through
thick and thin with that one
my lucky calculator so those are there
those two lucky objects last thing is
this M fellow and Tony who is Tony
Tony's a guy I met in in the Emirates
and we've really connected we've lost
touch yeah it's basically if Tony's Tony
watches this and even if it's on YouTube
just get in touch we did have something
I didn't think it I know we did today
yes I do have a mascot actually I am the
last time we did a show I was a little
bit nervous I feel like I lost focus and
I wasn't entirely together and so yeah
I've been really I've been really trying
my hardest and practicing with a really
supportive motivating beatboxing friend
obviously so really makes me feel better
and more confident myself he's always
testing me on things
thanks a million Ross it like try one
name just give us both and oh it's so
looking for a nine-letter on this
possibly a show busy busy
so ad so like let's try another one now
all God and again I want to go 4 9 9 on
this Suzie a beatboxer brilliant nothing
now what's it or I'm not great with the
numbers now John's remember wasn't very
good at the numbers old but and let me
just see 15 + 15 + 50 + 50 + 50 + 50
nine-letter word lemak steding x'
amazing
[Applause]
multiple of three person six be honest
really are you as surprised as everyone
else what does it mean well you put your
penis inside of what a steding is a sort
of something to do with maybe farms or
something like an area of land
well I'm literally I've lost the ability
to speak sense anymore I'm gonna retire
now can we get a close-up on John's face
I've never seen anyone more shocked and
disappointed
the most embarrassing thing about gating
and never in the history of the show as
dictionary corner ever gone bring down
the whole show annoyed John
what do our first numbers round okay
John and Sarah your turn to pick the
numbers
Sean smiles Sean and miles one said
again fingers on lips heads pay
attention it's the numbers around ya
ready what you ready
no he'd brought up hitless whispering to
me about Hitler why was it this mean to
you about how about you miles I'm on the
fence
Swiss during the Second World War gain I
could see the good side and the bad side
okay our first a poll recently voted
Peter Serafinowicz Britain's funniest
comedian and that Paul was his nan
mrs. Serafina watch your final word
games
well to be honest Jimmy I don't think
that's any of your business
apologies Peter
the line there
any words you're hoping will come up
tonight abdicates I'm with Peter you can
ask them don't know if I have enough
this twice this year already it's just
quite a common question and that is one
of them was from quite an elderly lady
and she said what does the G stand for
in G spot
what does - it sounds better guy
coughing - bad thing is the lucky guy
who found it interesting good you know
you've written a book about this episode
there's a woman called Beverly Whipple
who actually discovered it and didn't
want it named after her it was going to
be called Whipple's tickle and if no
part of the vagina that's named after a
person that isn't named after a man yeah
what for so much fun oh yeah I've got
another good vagina fact yeah isn't
actually a real thing but the clitoris
is like ten centimeters long Wow okay
and isn't it true it was originally
called the Kalitta chris Christie found
the
I was uh I was actually in lower six
with him yeah he's good okay and in
charge of the numbers it's Rachel Bailey
Rachel's clitoris is 10 centimeters
it might be a small penis Rachel we need
to talk
I might have one of those
Rickard have you got a mascot yeah what
have you got the film white chicks what
have you seen this film white chicks
I've not seen this film oh it's a heck
of a film I I rewatched it recently but
remind me why I can't do my tricks okay
sir it is a wonderful thing to FBI
people and men they're men they go
undercover posing as two socialites
white socialites I don't know that you
need to say white you come to socialite
actually they go undercover as white
women socialites as I say in order to
prevent them being kidnapped and what
what it does is it really allows a
marvelous opportunity to to to see
things from a woman's point of view and
if you see white chicks
I think you'll really understand what it
is to be a woman
[Applause]
that's just down here so little dickie
if you wouldn't mind covering for me for
two seconds
you've got the small talk guy right here
I found her away some of your witty on
white starts with the two
undercover FBI people posing as Mexicans
and they do some wonderfully sensitive
material don't know Richards all fine
[Applause]
three-six-two-five 75 and 50 and the
target 961 the target was 961 Joe did
you get it
a thousand Aisling did you get it Arum
yes Jimmy I got you
[Applause]
so you got some nine the number that's
Reno
[Applause]
[Laughter]
[Applause]
yes that is circa that's exactly how
marlon wayans is unveiled in the fashion
show
watch it thanks Richard I was really
looking forward to seeing that film time
to go over to dictionary corner and Nick
what have you got for us here is a poem
that is simply called busy bee busy bee
busy bee why are you so busy busy bee
busy bee always in a tizzy busy bee busy
bee thank you for the honey busy bee
busy bee I owe you more than money
busy bee busy bee I hope it never ends
busy bee busy bee
you are my only friend that was about
bee I'm a friends with on a family
holiday in Uruguay
legend landed on your pajama
[Applause]
and I've got another poem this one's
called butterfly no fancy a chance isn't
it
you wouldn't do that during Shakespeare
with you
[Applause]
Pazuzu
sorry
sure you're a fine figure of a man how
do you stand such a remarkable condition
[Laughter]
I mean I've got a tapeworm that so that
certainly helps I call him Charlie
they're gone Charlie that's for you
that's 12 percent of people in this
country I've got tapeworm really which
actually makes them more popular than
dogs how do you get a tapeworm do you
eat a worm and off stage you get it off
pork yeah yeah
always pork yeah always a pork you get
it off a bath pork or not off anything
else another victory for the cornbread a
song about it if you are negated
tapeworm eat some pork tapeworm eat some
pork on a ham chicken beef fish or egg
forget it you won't get a tapeworm
someone upstairs Google if you get
tapeworms with pigs they catch some
other pigs how many times have to
explain
you want to get it taken away but they
eat pork and then they get it they get
it - the pork the pig it was the big
band actually all the tapeworms flew
into the pigs some people say this
version of countdown is less intelligent
short news just in you can get tapeworms
from beef just say one thing Google and
go itself Ritchie take the ten and
square it actually and can you cube it
sorry okay and then I'd like you to
square the five for me please I like it
and then I'd like you to tie it at 25 by
the - the other two perfect weight and
you've got you
[Laughter]
[Applause]
so mind blown that was amazing that was
proper maths and you haven't used
anything I was twice
thank you never been done before it's
groundbreaking that's right those things
can actually be done no no it's just
been done despite Richards amazing maths
no one got any points there the scores
at the moment a rich and Rob have no
points I'm not even on their team but he
just did something wizard if you want a
square and cube things get a job in a
jelly factory make babies a
weakness come back there's ever be
no jelly factory right things have been
said
got a mascot this evening me I have to
log this is genuinely true I've actually
brought along my Nan's ashes genuinely
true my nan was always a big fan of
countdown and she always wanted to come
on and so this is like genuine in my
Nan's ashes it's not really we have some
can we have a look don't joke about it
because it's genuinely real oh okay Lee
422 did you do it right
you take that 422 at the top down don't
touch you if any of the other numbers
[Applause]
a lot of stress she died that was it I
got nothing you've put - eight there six
then she died before we go on he doesn't
work here anymore but he keeps on
turning up anyway it's joe wilkinson
[Applause]
[Laughter]
you're right Joe what have you been up
to you mate um well well cuz you were
far me cuz you're a prick I've Connor
gone back to being an inventor so
starting to venture again myself you
could this is actually one of my
inventions it's actually a a baby
propose for adults only downside is you
need a giant who's prepared to carry you
around for the optimum this one's mine
exclaimed George off weakling loves
Tuffy's my best idea well bring it on
bring it on well shoot stress what
they're over
a better way of when the UK Strongest
Man is struggling today rejoin rejoin
thank you thank you means a lot join up
six points for both teams
Ivan Suzy could they have done any
better yeah they could have done
actually what we we got i inner eye then
lorina which is someone will make
stirrups Suzy can you confirm that yes
make her small bit horses you know
Lauren oh would ya do you know those
people were specially designed to clean
horses willies sorry there's people
specially designed their job is to go
and clean horses Willie's sure they do
the rest of the horse father there know
especially they're heavily heavily
unionized don't touch the ass
so I did you pick up this information
from a friend of mine why would you care
if your horse at a dirty way today
I mean well don't miss fast everything
but what a dirty penis it's virtual you
must get recognized by your fans all the
time do you ever wish you could sort of
fly under the radar my favorite time of
the year is when I just get to go skiing
and you haven't got do your hair and
makeup you haven't got to have all that
awkwardness just put your helmet on but
you snood on no makeup it's great and
actually I've brought my skiing stuff
with me I just made pretty sure I would
recognize you in skiing gear so I've got
a beard and a Viking monks and this is
kind of my look so much more comfortable
and it's warm and you just don't have to
have that awkward social is that you is
it not house house Jimmy that's a
challenging wank
[Applause]
sorry Geordi ever mascot I am actually
awaiting the results of I've stood in
the election for the countdown party
which I launched last year to get
countdown fans voting really so I've
stood in the constituency of whet Wang
instructure and I've got every hope of
getting in with some of my key policies
to enhance count now what are these
policies well obviously a lot of
countdown viewers are retired so I bring
the age of retirement down to 30 way I
think a lot more people would watch ok
25 that's round in it then you could put
that in a nice grid but 26 is
in it and we got a kick incurring a curl
occur we don't got a sexy ass in a spicy
yes change the national anthem just to
that could have words to it if you
wanted to but your words changing not
according so whatever left the situation
is the situation this is the new
national anthem everyone this is Britain
this is Britain this this is Britain
this is written this is written this is
written this is written this is written
it's written
not in Europe now asked to sing that
song to my mum just before we deport her
lucky mascot this week mascot I've got
unlucky we've got a lucky pen
I've got it from a very unusual bookies
and I find it very useful I've ever put
it bet on I always use Claude this is
cool I didn't want him stuffs he wanted
to be stuff go head-to-head it's the
numbers round just for you guys and John
your turn to pick come on Sean you want
to play a lot for fun sort of personal
battle between you could play the claw
I've already got him
just check what's in it for me my pen
only there's enough let's the lid off
this but it's actually a stuffed grizzly
it's impractical it really serves its
purpose
are you playing along with Mars permit
not for Claude no money in the grass
I won't spit on you when we're having
sex tonight
good luck trying here without spit
I'm working to tear up shows this very
kindly offers not just
[Laughter]
five sleeping
[Music]
nice guy
[Applause]
of course is Suzie dance
Susie has written 14 books about the
derivations of words and you can find
them all in your local library just ask
for the sleepy go by by section okay
Susie what have you been looking into
recently other than glory holes
[Laughter]
nobody stopped necessary
[Laughter]
sorry
okay now what have you been looking into
recently
my palms about so very important to me
so about how come it's okay to name you
Willie but it's not okay to name the
fellas Willie next year at the urinals
so my poems called hanging about in a
trade station toilet named in people's
penises on commuter on your way to work
I'm gonna call yours captain Birdseye
because it looks like it's wearing a
polo neck and winking at me
welcome I just named your penis
hello train driver who just nipped him
for a piss
I'm gonna call yours missus fernsby my
old geography teacher because you're
smaller and wrinkly and have a birthmark
down the side of your shaft you're
welcome
I just named your anus
oh please
[Laughter]
police officer
[Laughter]
helen case officer who's just been sent
to the toilets because they've had
reports of someone named
[Laughter]
[Applause]
calm arrest me for naming strangers
oh you can I didn't know that
oh great now I'm electronically talent
again if you aren't again a tapeworm eat
some pork you want to get a tapeworm eat
some pork on I have chicken beef fish or
egg forget it you won't get it take
[Applause]