>>> IT IS ONE OF LIFE’S GREATEST PLEASURES, YET ACCORDING TO A
RECENT SURVEY, 59% OF WOMEN
WOULD GIVE UP SEX FOR SHOPPING.
>> WHICH HAD US THINKING, THE
SEX MUST BE PRETTY DARN BAD.
>> TO HELP MEN AND WOMEN GET
BACK IN THE MOOD, WE CALLED IN
THE SEXPERTS.
THE SEXPERTS. IAN IS A LICENSED SEX THERAPIST.
>> AND LACY IS THE AUTHOR OF
"SEX PLUS."
"SEX PLUS." WELCOME TO YOU BOTH.
I WAS JUST SAYING, WE’VE HAD IAN
ON FOR THE LAST 11 YEARS.
WE’RE STILL ASKING THE SAME
QUESTIONS.
QUESTIONS. >> THEY’RE PERPETUAL AND PERSON
PERENNIAL.
PERENNIAL. >> WITH R YOUERE YOU ALL SURPRIS
59% OF WOMEN WOULD RATHER SHOP?
>> THIS IS THE MOST COMMON ISSUE
I SEE.
I SEE. LOW DESIRE, MISMATCHEDLY BEE LIB
SORT OF WONDERING WHAT’S WRONG
WITH ME.
WITH ME. SO NO, I WASN’T SURPRISED.
>> NOT REALLY.
I DEFINITELY HAVE DAYS WHERE I’D
RATHER GO SHOPPING OR GO ON
VACATION AS WELL.
I THINK THAT’S NORMAL.
>> SO HOW DO YOU -- LIKE, A LOT
OF PEOPLE ARE COMING HOME
THINKING, WE HAVEN’T HAD SEX IN
A LONG TIME.
IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG?
HOW DO WE REKINDLE THE ROMANCE
IN YOUR FAMILY?
>> WELL, YOU KNOW, I THINK FOR A
LOT OF MEN, THEY EXPERIENCE
DESIRE JUST SPONTANEOUSLY.
A LOT OF GUYS, THEY SEE
SOMETHING SEXY, THAT GETS THE
WHOLE AROUSAL PLATFORM.
A LOT OF MEN GET ANGRY AT THEIR
PARTNERS FOR NOT EXPERIENCING
DESIRE IN THE SAME WAY.
SO I THINK WITH MEN, IT’S A
LITTLE LIKE TURNING ON A LIGHT
SWITCH, AND WITH WOMEN, IT’S A
LITTLE LIKE MAYBE GRADUALLY
ADJUSTING A DIMMER.
I THINK MEN NEED TO NOT BE ANGRY
AT THEIR PARTNERS FOR NOT BEING
LIGHT SWITCHES BUT KIND OF WORK
ON THOSE DIMMERS.
>> YEAH, I MEAN, I THINK IT’S
IMPORTANT TO THINK OUTSIDE THE
BEDROOM, FOR WOMEN PARTICULARLY.
DESIRE STARTS THERE.
HAVING FUN WITH YOUR PARTNER,
HAVING MOECHLTSMENTS OF PLAYFULN
NEW EXPERIENCES, AND EVEN HAVING
SPACE FROM EACH OTHER.
LIKE HEALTHY SPACE.
NOT I DON’T WANT TO SEE YOU FOR
A WHILE.
A WHILE. BUT WHEN YOU GO ON A TRIP OR
SOMETHING, YOU BUILD THAT
ANTICIPATION.
ANTICIPATION. >> BUT YOU CAN ALSO BE LET DOWN
WITH DISAPPOINTMENT WHEN IT
ISN’T WHAT YOU WERE HOPING IT
WAS GOING TO BE.
>> IT HAPPENS, YEAH.
>> WHAT IF PEOPLE DO HAVE JUST
DIFFERENT SEX DRIVES?
SOME WOMEN ARE FINDING
THEMSELVES AT A POINT IN THEIR
LIFE WHERE IT’S NOT THEIR NUMBER
ONE OR NUMBER TWO PRIORITY.
>> OR TENTH.
>> I DON’T THINK YOU ALWAYS NEED
TO SHOW UP WITH DESIRE.
I THINK THAT’S THE MISTAKE WHEN
YOU FEEL LIKE, I HAVE TO HAVE
DESIRE, YOU HAVE TO HAVE DESIRE.
IT HAS TO HAPPEN AT THE SAME
TIME.
TIME. SOMETIMES YOU JUST NEED TO SHOW
UP WITH WILLINGNESS.
BEFORE YOU HAVE DESIRE, THE
WILLINGNESS TO CONNECT, THE
WILLINGNESS TO ENGAGE, THE
WILLINGNESS --
WILLINGNESS -- >> TO PLEASE THE OTHER PERSON.
>> SURE.
>> SURE. THE WILLINGNESS TO COMPROMISE.
>> I THINK THERE ARE WAYS TO DO
THAT SOMETIMES WITHOUT EVEN SEX
ITSELF.
ITSELF. WAYS TO BE SEXUAL WITH EACH
OTHER AND TO BUILD INTIMACY THAT
AREN’T NECESSARILY WHAT WE THINK
OF AS SEX.
>> SOME PEOPLE BLAME THEIR
PARTNER.
PARTNER. THEY’RE LIKE, YOU KNOW WHAT, HE
ISN’T ROMANTIC ENOUGH OR SHE
DOESN’T, YOU KNOW, PUSH MY
BUTTONS THE RIGHT WAY ANYMORE.
>> THAT’S SUCH A PROBLEM THAT WE
OFTEN EXPRESS OUR DESIRES IN THE
FORM OF A NEGATIVE COMPLAINT.
HE’S NOT ROMANTIC.
HE DOESN’T LOVE FOREPLAY.
WHENEVER I’M WORKING WITH A
COUPLE, I TRY AND SAY, OKAY, SO
WHAT IS THE SITUATION OR THE SEX
THAT YOU CAN IMAGINE THAT YOU
WOULD LIKE THAT YOU WOULD ENJOY?
I GET THEM TO SORT OF COME UP
WITH A KIND OF FANTASY.
THEN TO SHARE THAT BECAUSE THAT
BECOMES SEXY, AROUSING, AND
INVITING.
INVITING. >> AND GET IN TOUCH WITH WHAT
YOU DESIRE.
YOU DESIRE. I FEEL LIKE GROWING UP AS A
YOUNG WOMAN, YOU’RE NOT REALLY
TAUGHT TO THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU
WANT, RIGHT.
WANT, RIGHT. YOU’RE TAUGHT TO THINK ABOUT
WHAT YOUR PARTNER WANTS, WHAT
THE GUY WANTS.
EVERYTHING SORT OF REVOLVES
AROUND HIM.
AROUND HIM. SO REALLY GETTING IN TOUCH WITH
WHAT YOU WANT AND NEED AND
VOCALIZING IT.
VOCALIZING IT. ALSO, THE PARTNER HAS TO COME
LU.
LU. SOMETIMES THEY’RE NOT DELIVERING
ON THE PROMISE.
>> SO WHAT NEXT?
IT’S SO GOOD TO SEE YOU GUYS.
IF YOU HAVE QUESTIONS FOR OUR