Heya playa, whenever you talk to someone that you like are you constantly met with
the challenge of not being able to get the conversation past small talk?
You know what I'm talking about.
Those kinds of boring, drab conversations that are just like "how's your day?",
"how's everything going?" "what's new with you?".
Yeah, small talk conversations are not going to help you get any closer to your crush
so I want you to start focusing on the three things I'm going to outline in this video
because it's going to help up your conversation game, make them want to
talk to you even more and make you feel more confident whenever you want to approach them.
We tend to frame small talk as the enemy
here as if having those basic conversations are bad and evil.
But the major problem isn't so much just asking someone how they're doing,
it's not following up and going deeper with them.
Day one.
"Hey, how's it going? How you doing today?"
"Oh hey, I'm doing good."
Day two.
"Hey, how's everything with you? Doing good?"
"Oh yeah good. Good to see you again."
Day 25.
"It's you again! What's new?"
"Nothing is new, everything is good,
I'm doing fine. You ask me the same thing every single day, just stop."
If you want to get the person that you like to start caring about having conversations with you
and to start showing an actual interest in who you are as a person, the first thing I want you
to focus on doing is sharing more personal stories that showcase your vulnerability.
That means giving them a little bit of insight into your life.
Telling them a story about a time you were scared or nervous or excited or afraid or happy.
Any kind of story that expresses a deep emotion that you felt about something
that happened is gonna let them see who you are.
That you're multi-layered, that you have a deeper personality than they may actually see.
A few examples of cool things you may want to share are times that you won something.
Maybe you won a really awesome prize or you won at a really fun game.
Or maybe you met someone really cool a celebrity or someone you look up to and admire.
Awesome places that you visited, maybe you traveled to another state and saw
some really cool stuff with your parents at a museum or just out in the open road.
Or maybe even snuck into an abandoned warehouse.
The whole chilling, scary, dark vibe just really spooked you out.
Or just really cool stuff that you're doing.
Do you have a YouTube channel?
Are you practicing how to play guitar?
Are you trying to be the number one player in a certain fighting game?
Anything that you're working on that's a personal growth step, share that with them.
"Hey, how's it going?"
"Hey, it's going well. How about you?"
"Things are pretty good. You know I wanted to get your opinion on something. Me and
my friends recently just started doing parkour and we're thinking about doing
either a YouTube channel or a TikTok what do you think would be better?"
"Parkour? That's so cool! You should do both. I'd love to see it. Do you have any videos?"
The second thing you should focus on to prevent you from falling into
that small talk pit is basically to find shared values that the two of you have
and to highlight them in your conversation.
Now, this is going to require you to take some time to really learn more about that person.
Instead of focusing on very basic things like how's their day going,
learn about their hobbies, learn about their interests.
Find out what movies they like, what tv shows they watch,
what they do with their friends when they have free time.
The more you can kind of discover about that person,
the easier it's going to be to see where you guys have that overlap in values.
And who knows what you'll discover.
Maybe you both are super religious and you love
going to church on Sundays or maybe you both are huge Disney fanatics.
Everything from tv shows to movies to video games, all of it you just love Disney from top to bottom.
Getting that person to open up and share things with you might take a
bit of time which is exactly why you need to do the first thing that I mentioned
which is sharing your own stories with them because the more that they learn about you
the easier it's going to be for them to open up as well.
"Hey, how's it going? You know let me ask you a question.
I just recently started drawing again and I'm trying to find an art style that I want
to stick to so can I show you some of my work and get your opinion on it?".
"Oh yeah definitely. I'll totally check out your work. I love to draw
too. How come I never knew that about you before?"
"Well, that's pretty cool. I didn't know we had that in common. Well,
now I know who to turn to whenever I want to talk about drawing."
"Absolutely! I love to draw anime characters so I'll totally help you out."
And the way that you bring it all together here is by following the third tip
which is to discover a new activity that the two of you can explore together.
Sometimes you're gonna run into situations where you have nothing in common with that person.
It's totally normal and it's totally okay.
So, try to focus on discovering something new
that the two of you are really interested in that's going to be your key forward.
If you're constantly in situations with that person where you really only have a small window
to really talk to them and it doesn't really give you an opportunity to go deeper, really just
discover one thing that they want to try out and tell them that you want to try it out with them.
That's going to allow them to include you into their lives
and it's gonna give you a reason to start to talk to them more and more.
And this might require a bit more of exploration on your end.
Stepping outside of your comfort zone to try something new with this person.
What it's gonna signal to them is that you're open to trying new things,
you're fun, you're adventurous, and you want to spend time with them,
you really like them in some kind of way to want to do it with them.
"Hey what's up? Got any fun plans for the weekend?"
"Hey yeah, me and my friends are planning a skydiving trip this
weekend. We're trying to get as many people together as we can though."
"Skydiving?! That's insane! Dropping out of a plane you don't know if the
parachute's gonna go, you might hit the ground splat, who knows. But
look, if you looking for more people I'm totally down to go."
"Really? That's awesome! Most people are scared to do it but look at you being all
adventurous. Well that makes four of us now so now I actually have a partner to jump with."
And if time is the real barrier that you're facing and it's forcing you to
have these small windows where all you can really do is have small talk conversations,
focus on just asking one question learn one thing about them because
that one thing is going to allow you to form some type of a connection point.
Once you have one connection point it's easier to shift that conversation over to the DMs,
to outside of school or work or whatever it is that you're talking to them.
You can now progress and move forward in those conversations because you actually
have a thread to follow.
And if you're struggling with how to have more interesting conversations with your crush,
I'm gonna link up a few videos over here which are gonna break that down a little bit further.
Small talk doesn't have to crush your confidence here, just be open,
be honest, be interested in who they are and you'll see where the two of you overlap so
you can really be your best self and focus on building that relationship.
On that note, I'll catch you next time.
As always, love and peace.