- I'm not going anywhere until somebody tells me
what happened last night.
Mom, would you please fill me in?
Mom, I,
Oh, I get it, I'm just here for the comic relief.
(upbeat music)
Unless I can think of one last grand romantic gesture,
Summer's gone.
- Wow.
You know, I remember when I first heard about Summer,
we were sailing and you said you named your boat after her,
which I thought was a little weird
considering you never actually talk to her.
- Eureka, Ryan.
Can't believe it just said Eureka.
That's okay, that's it.
- What's it?
- The thing to win her back.
The grand romantic gesture,
that's gonna put Zachary's Euro trip to shame.
I shall take her on a sailing adventure
aboard the Summer Breeze.
- Except you sold the boat for bus fare.
- I did, dammit.
Eureka, Ryan.
I shall buy back the Summer Breeze, yes.
- Uh huh,
except with what money?
- Okay, if I wanted my parade rained on,
I would just step outside.
Lemme ask you something.
Do you like the shape of the idea even?
- Definitely. - Okay, great.
So all I need is money, hang on.
Yes, got the answer.
But before I say Eureka again,
do you see any other potential flaws or holes in my plan?
- No. - Then Eureka, Ryan,
Eu-freaking-Rica.
- Hey look,
we are where we are,
and we'll help you through this.
We can do it together.
- Hey man, they raised me, okay?
Proof pudding.
Speaking of pudding mother, do you have any tapioca on tap?
- You are King of the segue.
- I just love pudding.
And it's so fun to say.
Pudding, pudding, pudding.
- It's not a big deal, Seth.
- Ryan, my girlfriend dated a girl.
It's a very big deal.
There's only one thing I can do to make it okay.
- You're gonna hook up with a guy?
- I repeat, there's only one thing I can do to make it okay.
I need to see this girl,
'cause right now my imagination is just running wild.
- Dude, so is mine.
She's hot, right?
- Listen, I know I'm supposed to be attracted, okay?
And I'm supposed to be turned on,
I've read in "Maxim."
I've read Stuff, but you know what?
All it's making me feel like
is Alex is even more out of my league.
- Well, maybe just wait to talk to her
to calm down a little bit.
- Nope, got a lot of testosterone pumping right now, Ryan.
Testosterone being the key ingredient
missing from Alex's previous relationship.
I just need to remind her of that.
(car horn honking) Come on!
- This should go well.
(honking continues)
- I hate traffic.
- Still broken up over the Alex breakup?
- Nope, it's emotional child's play
compared to what we're dealing with now, Ryan.
- Hmm? - Summer's back.
- Whoa, watch it.
- Yeah, and I don't want it to be, believe me.
But apparently the universe has other plans for us.
- The universe is involved now.
- Why else would I be forced to go to San Diego with her
on the one-year anniversary of our sexual,
tête-à-tête, or pas de deux if you will.
- As long as it's not a mé·nage à trois,
since you will be going to San Diego
with Zach, her boyfriend.
- Yeah, and my friend.
- Yeah. - Dude,
I don't wanna go to San Diego, okay?
I don't wanna go anywhere near Summer.
- What about the universe?
- Yeah, exactly.
- Well, shouldn't be a problem for you.
I mean, you and Summer have been friends
for a while now, right?
- Yes, I'd be a little more confident
about my chances of a cheating fate and not cheating
- Uh huh. - If Summer and I
hadn't made out.
- You guys made out?
- No, but our noses grazed,
and it was like the most sexually charged nose graze
in the history of nose grazes.
It's essentially nose humping is what it is.
So what am I gonna do?
- I'm gonna tell you what you're gonna do.
You're gonna go down to San Diego,
with your friend Summer and her boyfriend,
your friend Zach,
and you're gonna keep it in your trousers, all right?
Nothing can happen, got it?
- Yeah, I have no heart,
I hate Valentine's day.
- He'll be off joining the Foreign Legion.
Joining a cult.
Ryan could be,
I don't know, he could be taking place
in a mass marriage right now,
drinking Kool-Aid from brand new sneakers.
So many sick things.
So are you and Jodi,
getting back together.
- I doubt it.
She's kind of a pain in the ass.
Or maybe that's my type. - Right.
So then,
I mean, does that mean that we can go back to before 'cause,
I didn't forget this ever happened.
Okay, I'll wait.
'Cause that's what adults do, they wait.
So I'm waiting.
Adult style.
- Looking good there for you, Seth.
- Thank you.
Puberty happened.
- It's been that long?
- It sure has been, glad you missed it.
Oh, check this out though.
- Chest hair.
And a new friend.
- Yeah, that's Ryan, he's
he's kind of a long story.
- Uh huh.
- So what exactly did my mom catch you guys doing?
- Nothing.
- Nothing, huh?
So you guys haven't?
- No, we haven't even had our first date yet.
- Last night doesn't count?
- Nah, we're going on Saturday night.
- Good, great.
But you, have before, right?
Okay, wow, it's what I thought.
I just didn't wanna jump to conclusions because
my experience is sorta limited.
And? - And what?
- Was it awesome?
- Which time?
- There, I don't know,
how many times were there?
- Same girl or different girls?
- There were different girls?
How many different girls were there?
I have to sit down.
So when you lost your virginity,
I was playing Magic the Gathering.
- You still play Magic.
- Yeah, but not as much.
- Chrismukkah. - Chrismukkah?
- That's right, it's a new holiday, Ryan
and it's sweeping the nation.
- Hey fellas, we got the tree.
- Okay.
- Or at least the living room.
- Guys, a little help.
- I saved a spot for you right there.
Put your muscle into it, excellent.
To the right a little, to the right, to the right.
Don't hurt it, those needles are brittle.
That's perfect.
You guys,
A plus, A plus,
I love the holidays, I love 'em all.
- We didn't really know how to raise Seth.
- Yeah, so I raised myself.
And in doing so I created
the greatest super holiday known to mankind,
drawing on the best like Christianity
and Judaism have to offer.
- And you call it Chrismukkah?
- (gasps) Just hearing you say it makes me feel all festive.
Allow me to elaborate.
You see for my father here,
a poor struggling Jew growing up in the Bronx,
well, Christmas had meant Chinese food and a movie.
And for my mom over here, Waspy McWasp,
well, it meant a tree,
it meant stockings and all the trimmings.
Aint that right?
- We're very proud.
- I'm not a wasp. - Sure you're not.
Other highlights include eight days of presents,
followed by one day of many presents.
So what do you think?
- Sounds great for you guys.
- For you, too.
- Hey, dip a toe in the Chrismukkah pool,
there's room for all of us.
- He kept saying the word, nice.
You know what that means, don't you?
- Aww, she thinks you're nice.
- Yeah, exactly, nice.
As in lacking any edge and or danger.
- Well, you did offer to fix her sandwich.
- I know.
It's like the more edgy and dangerous she became,
the more I became a good Jewish grandmother.
- Not your grandmother.
Keep shucking, Seth.
I want dinner ready by the time your mother gets home.
- Hey, maybe I don't feel like shucking these.
Okay, maybe you should go and shuck them yourself, old man.
(laughter)
- That's good.
- You had me shaking in my boots.
- I'm so screwed.